Comments on: Memo to Peter Jackson, Eugene Volokh, et al.

By: Rosa

Rosa — Mon, 01 Mar 2004 22:17:03 +0000

The only weakness is that the Constitution just isn’t that scary looking. But if the Lord of the Rings Could sweep the Oscars with a lidless eye for a villain, you can write around this. For example— THE CONSTITUTION is gaining strength in its lair, the IVORY TOWER OF HARVARD-DUR. Until it can assume corporeal form, it acts through its minions: —THE NINE ACTIVIST JUDGES, or GAVELWRAITHS, (BLACKMUN, MARSHALL, BRENNAN, DOUGLAS, STEVENS, GINSBURG, REINHARDT, BREYER, and the dreaded WITCH-CHIEF-JUSTICE EARL WARREN). They were once mortal justices, but their hearts have been turned to evil by their lust for power. —THE ARMY OF CULTURAL ELITES, who have already laid waste to not only the land of MASSACHUSETTS (where the shadows lie), but to most of the northeastern kingdom of men—including the once proud garrisons of NEW YORK and PHILADELPHIA. Now they turn their sights on the rest of MIDDLE AMERICA. —THE VOICE OF THE LIVING CONSTITUTION, or as he was once known, LAURENCE TRIBE. —What is THE LIVING CONSTITUTION’s ultimate goal? It’s too terrible to name, but this is surely a sign of things to come. Meanwhile, on the far western shore of MIDDLE AMERICA, in San Francisco, the ACTIVIST JUDGES have a new ally. The city’s ROGUE MAYOR, GAVIN THE WHITE-TOOTHED, was once a good Irish Catholic boy, but his heart has been corrupted and he now amasses an army of HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS to attack from the west….

By: Blithering Idiot

Blithering Idiot — Mon, 01 Mar 2004 12:58:42 +0000

Wait until Lara and Art*, Liv’s Ma and Pa find out about this. They’ll clean things up in no time. —————*I.e., The Declaration of Independence and the Articles of Confederation.

By: zinc_cola

zinc_cola — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 19:31:14 +0000

In 1999, SNL’s animated X-Presidents fought the Constitution in a similar series of events. Can’t find a good link…but its funny stuff.

By: digamma

digamma — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 17:50:30 +0000

Robert Loggia stars as the general defending America’s freedom. Jeff Goldblum appears as the geeky law professor/blogger Loggia brings in to explain the situation. LOGGIA OK, let’s get our strategy in order. What’s the check on the commerce clause? GOLDBLUM Check, sir? LOGGIA Yes Professor, what’s the limit on the clause’s power? GOLDBLUM Sir, there is none. We’re not even allowed to grow our own food. LOGGIA [gravely] Oh my God.

By: Suedama

Suedama — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 14:44:03 +0000

Scene: OK Corral. Justice Scalia and Living Constitution face off for showdown. As Scalia’s trigger finger twitches nervously, he notices that the Constitution has no weapon. What’s this? The document suddenly begins to glow unnaturally surrounded by a strange luminescence. As the glare gets brighter and brighter, Scalia is blinded. He cries out, “Oh no, the “Penumbra!” He draws his gun and shoots, but his errant shot passes harmlessly through the ever brightening glow around the document. Now at the mercy of the Constitution, the heat from the dreaded Penumbra envelopes Scalia and he is consumed in the terrible fire.

By: Mr. P

Mr. P — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 14:04:24 +0000

Is there a scene where the Ninth Amendment comes to ROBERT BORK’s house and attacks him with a fountain pen?

By: James Joyner

James Joyner — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 02:16:08 +0000

Good stuff! But don’t you mean Amendment III is invoked in a novel way? Not that invoking that in a novel way wouldn’t also be a novel interpretation of Article III. . .

By: jeremia

jeremia — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 17:31:48 +0000

It is indeed funny. A substantially similar idea was run on SNL maybe 5 years ago. The X-Presidents were called in to subdue the renegade document.

By: digamma

digamma — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 13:50:40 +0000

“Captain, the situation has gone from bad to worse! We managed to shoot off its last seven Amendments, but that only illegalized our drinks! If we take off two more Amendments, morale will be hurt when our wives leave us for disenfranchising them!”

By: Sarek

Sarek — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 06:24:23 +0000

Love it! A couple of my own (also on my blog): A shower. BUXOM WOMAN sings to herself while washing. Hearing something, she turns around just in time to see the CONSTITUTION decide that there is, in fact, no right to privacy. The Oval Office. The PRESIDENT meets with members of his CABINET to discuss the growing crisis. He orders an attack on the CONSTITUTION. Cut to: Day. A formation of bombers attempts to destroy CONSTITUTION but the attack is foiled when the document literally interprets itself to mean that only Congress can declare war.

By: bonk

bonk — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 04:10:27 +0000

Funny stuff. I don’t have any more to say, really, just, nice work. :)

By: Curtiss Leung

Curtiss Leung — Sat, 28 Feb 2004 03:58:24 +0000

Amazing! Real genre bending stuff! We could get Tarantino to direct—and I see Mel Gibson cast against type as the establishment clause of the 1st amendment.