Some dare call it treason

by Henry on February 18, 2005

I don’t know if we have any readers who don’t also read Fafblog; if there are any out there, they should check out his intervention in the recent blogospheric debate on treason.

Treason isn’t just providin aid an comfort to the enemy. It’s providin not-aid an discomfort to America. Treason is hurting America’s feelings.
Now you may think “oh well Fafnir America’s a big country it can take care a itself” but in fact it is very sensitive. When you say its mom’s ugly or criticize its foreign policy or kick sand on its face at the beach it is just as hurt as if you’d sold its state secrets. Like every emotional young superpower America needs love and care from its citizens. We’ve put together a brief guide to treason so you can understand it a little better.
Q: Which of the following is treason?
1. Not wishing the President a happy birthday even when he is clearly wearing a party hat and a “Kiss The Birthday Boy” shirt
2. Questioning the progress, purpose, or justification of the Iraq war
3. Providing material aid to a hostile enemy of the United States
4. Telling America “Hey America yo mama’s so fat by the time she bends over it’s Daylight Savings Time.”
Answer: All of them are treason but number four is the worst treason of all on account of America is real sensitive about the fatness of its mama.

{ 17 comments }

1

Philboid Studge 02.18.05 at 4:24 pm

What’s so bad about treason, anyway? Isn’t it justifiable when the government has gone coo-coo-ka-ka? After all, the world’s longest running democracy was born out of “treason.” Now that it has blossomed into a kakistocracy, it’s time it’s taken down a peg or three.

2

winna 02.18.05 at 5:30 pm

I like the ones where the Medium Lobster cooly explains all the shenanigans of the Bush administration as necessary to secure peace and liberty. But they are all great.

I particularly recommend the Gay Octopus explanation.

‘As all higher entities such as the Medium Lobster know – and as all God-fearing patriots sense by instinct – each time a man and a woman are married, they are touched on a higher plane of reality by one of the tentacles of God’s immense Octopus of Marriage, housed in Heaven, whose countless tentacles stretch out to embrace everyone else joined in the divine institute of Marriage. However, if gays begin to be married in America, the Octopus of Marriage will stretch down – unwittingly! – and touch its tentacle to their marriage as well… and in doing so, will be tainted by Gay.’

http://fafblog.blogspot.com/2004_01_18_fafblog_archive.html

3

KCinDC 02.18.05 at 5:33 pm

Treason may be justifiable when the government goes bad, but that’s still no reason to allow your opponents the weapon of accusing you of treason when you’re not guilty of it.

4

Prudence Goodwife 02.18.05 at 6:06 pm

Your Mama’s blog is fat.

5

David W. 02.18.05 at 6:22 pm

That background green of Fafblog!’s is radioactive. My eyes! My eyes!

6

ed_finnerty 02.18.05 at 6:25 pm

Best Fafblog line,

“Freedom is on the march, and it is heavily armed”

7

Gozer 02.18.05 at 6:28 pm

Your Mama’s blog is fat.

Just doesn’t have the same force without the ghetto-tized “yo'”. Addtionally I’d recommend “Yo’ skank hoochie mama”.

8

The Treasonizer 02.18.05 at 7:07 pm

Ok, does anybody care that ‘treason’ is about to get a new enforcer – John Negroponte?

http://bloogeyman.blogspot.com/2005/02/everything-is-ponteing-to-trouble.html

Hope thinks don’t end up as bad as they are heading…

9

Antoine 02.18.05 at 7:55 pm

Tocqueville has something to say about the special sensitivity of Americans to criticism of their country. As he was travelling across America, he saw many things he liked, and others he didn’t. And he was eager at first to discuss his impressions with the Americans he encountered. But he soon became exasperated by a narrow type of nationalism which was as both dismissive and ignorant of foreign customs while closed to any critical appraisal of domestic ones. He writes:

All free nations are vainglorious, but national pride is not displayed by all in the same manner. The Americans, in their intercourse with strangers, appear impatient of the smallest censure and insatiable of praise. The most slender eulogy is acceptable to them, the most exalted seldom contents them; they unceasingly harass you to extort praise, and if you resist their entreaties, they fall to praising themselves. It would seem as if, doubting their own merit, they wished to have it constantly exhibited before their eyes. Their vanity is not only greedy, but restless and jealous; it will grant nothing, while it demands everything, but is ready to beg and to quarrel at the same time.

If I say to an American that the country he lives in is a fine one, “Ay,” he replies, “there is not its equal in the world.” If I applaud the freedom that its inhabitants enjoy, he answers: “Freedom is a fine thing, but few nations are worthy to enjoy it.” If I remark on the purity of morals that distinguishes the United States, “I can imagine,” says he, “that a stranger, who has witnessed the corruption that prevails in other nations, would be astonished at the difference.” At length I leave him to the contemplation of himself; but he returns to the charge and does not desist till he has got me to repeat all I had just been saying. It is impossible to conceive a more troublesome or more garrulous patriotism; it wearies even those who are disposed to respect it. (my emphas.)

(A. de Tocq., Dem. in Am. II,16)

10

Antoine 02.18.05 at 7:56 pm

Tocqueville has something to say about the special sensitivity of Americans to criticism of their country. As he was travelling across America, he saw many things he liked, and others he didn’t. And he was eager at first to discuss his impressions with the Americans he encountered. But he soon became exasperated by a narrow type of nationalism which was as both dismissive and ignorant of foreign customs while closed to any critical appraisal of domestic ones. He writes:

All free nations are vainglorious, but national pride is not displayed by all in the same manner. The Americans, in their intercourse with strangers, appear impatient of the smallest censure and insatiable of praise. The most slender eulogy is acceptable to them, the most exalted seldom contents them; they unceasingly harass you to extort praise, and if you resist their entreaties, they fall to praising themselves. It would seem as if, doubting their own merit, they wished to have it constantly exhibited before their eyes. Their vanity is not only greedy, but restless and jealous; it will grant nothing, while it demands everything, but is ready to beg and to quarrel at the same time.

If I say to an American that the country he lives in is a fine one, “Ay,” he replies, “there is not its equal in the world.” If I applaud the freedom that its inhabitants enjoy, he answers: “Freedom is a fine thing, but few nations are worthy to enjoy it.” If I remark on the purity of morals that distinguishes the United States, “I can imagine,” says he, “that a stranger, who has witnessed the corruption that prevails in other nations, would be astonished at the difference.” At length I leave him to the contemplation of himself; but he returns to the charge and does not desist till he has got me to repeat all I had just been saying. It is impossible to conceive a more troublesome or more garrulous patriotism; it wearies even those who are disposed to respect it. (my emphas.)

(A. de Tocq., Dem. in Am. II,16)

11

chris from boca 02.18.05 at 8:33 pm

treason sounds so bad. fafnir calms me. it explains why trees off is the policy for forrests. fafnir soothes. it explains why the policy of golf is tees off. language doesn’t hurt when fafnir states it.

12

winna 02.18.05 at 9:23 pm

It always amazes me when I read Tocqueville how relevant the observations he made continue to be.

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

13

elliottg 02.18.05 at 9:29 pm

Fafblog’s list was not comprehensive as the treasonous winna demonstrates by speaking French.

14

Ophelia Benson 02.18.05 at 10:56 pm

And not only speaking French, but putting in French’s horrible affected accents correctly, as if winna is sucking up to French. The least winna could do is spell Tokevil wrong or something.

15

wavemaker 02.19.05 at 11:57 pm

Speaking French is not treasonous, although it is evidence of sympathy for the treasonous. Speaking French and smoking non-filter Galloise is just presumptuous, and a misdemeanor in some U.S. states.

16

Glenn Condell 02.20.05 at 12:14 am

‘Best Fafblog line,

“Freedom is on the march, and it is heavily armed”’

Almost as good as mykeru’s ‘Serenity through Viciousness’.

17

anon 02.21.05 at 2:21 am

I am totally mystified by the alleged humour of Fafblog. Can someone tell me why it is funny? Anyone?

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