WHY DID HE DO IT?
HERE’S ONE THEORY.

Suddenly they’re everywhere. From William James Hall to the Carpenter Center, Harvard students, all of them wearing white t-shirts with “no shit” symbols on them, are massing in protest against the university’s silence on what’s become known as “the Marty Matter.”

Harvard Economics professor Martin Weitzman (“Marty” to his friends) is a man of means. But for months he has been stealing horse manure from a struggling local farmer in Gloucester, a man who only recently was able to capture Weitzman in the act and have him arrested.

The students, who have been joined in their protests by Manure Movers of America, are demanding that Harvard make a public apology and offer financial compensation to the farmer for Weitzman’s thefts. “It’s shameful that Harvard is harboring – even honoring – a person on its faculty capable of this sort of behavior,” said one student organizer. “We’re all embarrassed. It’s time for the university to speak up and do something about it.”

Although Professor Weitzman has so far refused comment, one of his teaching assistants has released to the press a centuries-old American cookbook she found in Weitzman’s office. “Everyone assumes Marty was using the dung as fertilizer,” the student, who wishes to remain anonymous, said. “But the book suggests something far different. He had it open to this page, whose recipe for ‘Ham dres’fd without fire or water’ includes the phrase ‘then bury it in Horfe dung for forty hours.’ It’s my theory that Professor Weitzman was dressing hams.”

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The question NOW is—Are there any hams on the lam? Could there be bacon ‘bakin’ in the Marty’s backyard?
Does Marty’s “back fourty” smell like a wierdo combo of Porky The Pig and Trigger ??
isaacnyoungs

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Yes yes, fellow bumpkins, I know; nobody would bother to collect cow manure or steal it because cow manure isn’t all that good a fertiliser.

Well, if composted heavily, horse manure is slightly better than cow manure, but both are primarily valued for adding organic matter to soil rather than for their chemical fertilization characteristics. See http://www.plantea.com/manure.htm

Commercially, cow manure is much more common. As you may recall, cows have four stomachs, while horses have only one. Cow manure is significantly composted while inside the cow while horse manure is not. The result is that horse manure is full of seeds, and thus not particularly suited for plant use until the seeds have been killed. The cow, obligingly, kills the seeds before depositing the manure.

The expression, “for the birds”, is a euphemism for horseshit, as birds are greatly attracted to the seedy pleasures of horseshit, while bullshit is notoriously non-nutritious.

Maybe not Rockport, but Hamilton, Topsfield, Manchester-by-the-Sea, most definitely.

“Weitzman did not immediately return calls to his home or office on Wednesday morning. His attorney also did [sic] immediately return a call on Wednesday.”

Is it just me, or does this imply that Weitzman eventually returned the call and they couldn’t be bothered telling us what he had to say? If not, why on Earth is the “immediately” there?

And the rural dweller says – “that shit’s valuable.”

Now, as a EU city person I’d say that’s serious shit!

It could land the farmer in jail. Deposing of manure requires permits and a solid administration. Failing to keep that administration for years, and handing of that manure illegaly to a passerby, who then disposes of it illegally, is a serious environmental delict.