Comments on: Anonymous Lawyer contest

By: Crooked Timber » » Vote for your favorite Anonymous Colleague description

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 11:21:09 +0000

[...] Thanks to all those who submitted entries in the Anonymous Lawyer contest. There are several funny submissions that merit being included in the final vote, but I thought more than five options would make it too cumbersome so I have limited the poll to five entries. Using input from Jeremy Blachman (the author of the Anonymous Lawyer book) the following entries are hereby declared finalists: [...]

By: JMK

JMK — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 22:21:13 +0000

Bollocks. THIS is the actual anonymous lawyer: http://www.philalawyer.net (used to be http://www.philalawyer.blogspot.com). Blachman is amusing. This is flat out piss your pants funny and incredibly insightful. The .net page is new, but you can find the old stuff from the blogspot site doing a googls cache search.

By: someone7

someone7 — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 16:54:43 +0000

I’ll try the character I think would be interesting in a story about a law firm, based on personal experiences in the field.

Partner X (he isn’t officially a partner, meaning he isn’t listed as one, he just cashes in as any other one, but in a separate, off-shore bank account) is in charge of doing what can’t be done, but must be done, in order to win certain high-profile cases, where the client is ready to pay extraordinary sums. He’s in charge of establishing contacts that can’t be traced and celebrating meetings that never took place, with policy-makers, opinion leaders, members of the judiciary, technocrats in key positions, etc. His looks are extremely modest, but don’t fool yourself. With just a glance, or a certain phrase, the message will be conveyed, as well as what follows if you don’t abide by it.

By: dave heasman

dave heasman — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 08:24:53 +0000

The Indian obsessed with the Da Vinci Code?

By: Nabakov

Nabakov — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 07:29:41 +0000

Mr shaggy grey hair, twinkling blue eyes and wandering clammy hands.

“I’m a perky blonde ministerial advisor and you’re not!”

Mr grizzled beard, bifocals and homebrewed beer.

Wears ironed jeans on casual Fridays. Talks to his mum a lot on the phone. Got really drunk at the office Xmas part and came out. Was surprised that no one was surprised.

“Frankly, I’m too good for this position and I don’t care who knows how I feel. Except my supervisor.”

Ms recent divorcee and her new gay friends. Would any office party be complete without her Ab Fab impersonation? Unfortunately no.

The teenage Goth office assistant who can’t stop blushing.

Mr Happy, who believes if something funny is worth saying once, it’s worth saying a thousand times, the fucker.

The intern with long legs and a short mind. First name usually ends in “i”.

Six feet of soignée savagery with her carry-on always to heel, hitting the glass ceiling.

Ex-army. Keeps a picture of his motorbike in his wallet. Also posts it on his personal website along with pirated Maxim pinups. Currently 2nd in the office sleaze sweepstakes.

By: AB

AB — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 04:15:52 +0000

The One Who Repeats Everyone’s Name
The One Who Wastes Time On Courtesy
The Green
The Apprentice Loser
Get Him On What-Not-To-Wear
Dot Com Riches
Allergy Chic
Cut That Hair Already
Not As Hot As He Thinks
Summa Cum

By: fishbane

fishbane — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 23:37:13 +0000

Prof-who-burnt-his-beard-off-with-that-pretentious-pipe

Ecxema Guy

No Life ‘Til Tenure

7th Year Undergrad

SUG (Stoned Until Graduation)

Wishes She Were Jane Austen

Mom’s Disappointment

Token Conservative

Overly Feminist Guy

Overly Feminist Chick

Really Overly Feminist Guy

Identity Politics Ate His Brain

Opportunistic Faculty Climber

Will TA for Food

Endentured Summer Scholarship Victim

Bathrobe Philosopher

PoliSci-Is-About-Indy-Rock Guy

Ms. Empathy

Some of these might only be native to a certain liberal arts school in New England; I have no way of knowing.

By: otto

otto — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 23:10:31 +0000

Links not working. [Fixed, thanks! E.]

By: dejla

dejla — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 21:58:43 +0000

Among my ACs would be The Nuclear Warhead, The Loose Cannon, She-Hasn’t-Got-A-Clue, and The Mother of All Slackers.

By: KCinDC

KCinDC — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 21:48:53 +0000

How about the CEO Who Must Receive and Distribute All Company Mail Herself?

By: pp

pp — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 20:37:51 +0000

The anonymous touchy feely guy. He is overweight, red faced and fails to bathe regularly. He wears plaid light colored double breasted suits (with suspenders). He greets everyone, not with a handshake but with a clammy hand grasping the upper arm/shoulder/back. He steals lunches out of the refrigerator and makes sure that he always has the same stall for his daily defecation ritual. But he is a good worker and related to the managing partners sister.

By: M. Gordon

M. Gordon — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 19:00:47 +0000

A few examples from my lab: Korean Jesus-Love Guy, Mr. In-By-Noon-And-Out-By-Four, and The Amazing Vanishing Advisor.

By: inigo jones

inigo jones — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 17:49:35 +0000

How about this: ‘The Double Mocha-Latte Drinking, Gel-Haired, Brown Courduroy Blazer Wearing Trendoid’? I think this amusingly (if inaccurately) describes a sizeable chunk of British university students, so you might have to resort to numbering them in order to have a coherent narrative, as in “DMLD-GH-BCBWT Nos.1 through 17 all applauded the suggestion to label Arafat as a beacon of enlightened rule.”