Here in America, the wingnuts are introducing the Book of Leviticus into political discourse – and these same wingnuts don’t feel any need at all to obey Leviticus 19:27 :

“Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.”

(Could that BE any less ambiguous?) Does anyone understand why “mainstream” religious conservatives are also against beards and long hair (on men)?

The issue of beards isn’t just about dating. In the corporate world, beards are a no-no. I remember applying for a technical-sales position several years ago. I was already gainfully employed, so it wasn’t a big deal not to get the job.

The HR person asked me if I wouldn’t mind shaving off the beard were I to be considered for the position. I asked why he thought this was necessary. In his words “People tend to look at bearded men as unsanitary or barbaric.” Really? It was then that I noticed a glossy portrait of Jesus on the credenza and asked “What about him? Would he get the job?”

Full beards may be easy to maintain, but clean-shavedness is difficult for some. It all depends on the facial structure. For some, there’s a deep cleft in the chin which is hard to shave. I have a deeply clefted whatchamacallit between the lips and nose, which makes it harder to shave my moustache (I do, however, since I don’t like the look of it.)

Some men are a bit chinless, so a goatee or beard makes them look more masculine. As for soul patches, imperials, and elaborate sideburns: they’re just fashion.

There’s a sort of parallel to be drawn to women’t pubic hair. Bushes can be left free to grow as they please, trimmed, shaped, plucked completely, or all of the above over the course of a few months (most women I know tend to embrace variety.) If only such things were as apparent as the hair on men’s faces….

They must be harder to maintain than either full beards or clean-shavedness.

Oh, and I should have warned you that you should first fill your right hand with a baseball bat – to beat them off as they approach in large numbers.

You don’t have to be rich. You don’t have to be famous. You don’t have to be attractive. You don’t have to be a hardbody. It’s necessary that they believe you to be nonviolent, respectful, and capable of keeping a secret. If you want a relationship, not just a roll in the sack, it is necessary that you normally be employed at something that approximates your capabilities (striving seems to be more important than success).

And those pheromones? Soap and water, recently applied, works wonders….

Me, I just sit around licking my eyebrows.

Punchline roll call!!