Apparently that’s the inscription at the base of the new “young Barack Obama” statue recently unveiled in Jakarta—on a site that was once an athletic field used by Obama’s elementary school. In what appears to be a deliberate provocation to the American right, the young Obama holds in his left hand a crumpled copy of his Kenyan birth certificate, which according to the laws of Othercountriestan entitles him to Indonesian citizenship.
Rumors that the base of the statue contains hidden “death panels” are as yet unsubstantiated.
“We welcome the statue, which is designed to give Indonesian children the spirit to become President of the United States,” Central Jakarta Mayor Sylviana Murni said.
“There is a message through the young Obama statue that any child and anyone from any background can become President of the United States if they fight for it persistently—and make sure to destroy their original birth certificate,” she added.
Elsewhere in the world, Obama has recently met with a chillier reception. In Oslo to accept the Nobel Escalation Prize, Obama has reportedly angered his Norwegian hosts by declining to attend a concert in his honor, meet with schoolchildren at City Hall, tour the Nobel Peace Center, and have lunch with King Harald V.
“The American president is acting like an elephant in a porcelain shop,” said Norwegian public-relations expert Rune Morck-Wergeland. “In Norwegian culture, it’s very important to keep an agreement. We’re religious about that, and Obama’s actions have been clumsy. You just don’t say no to an invitation from a European king, especially when his royal chefs have prepared hamburgers specially dressed with the fancy Dijon mustard beloved by Obama.”
Meanwhile, back at home, Obama faces daunting challenges on every front, from unemployment to health care. Aides say that Obama is considering a major address to the American people upon his return to the United States, calling for a “new era of translucency” in government. “Transparency is a pain in the ass,” said one senior advisor known for his profanity-laced tirades. “It’s like closing Guantanamo—it’s just too damn difficult. So we looked around for the next best thing, and we hit upon translucency. What we want, basically, is an administration with a scrim and a little back-lighting, where you can see shadowy shapes moving around but can’t tell exactly what they’re doing. We think that’s the kind of government Americans need at this point in history.”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, reached for comment, said that translucency would be an “unmitigated disaster for America” and that he personally would turn to dust and be scattered to the winds if ever he were to be struck by sunlight.