Hey Girl

by Belle Waring on December 8, 2011

You’ve probably all already seen this Ryan Gosling Biostatistics tumblr, but just in case…I’m here for you. Totally not suggested by Cosma, at all. He didn’t even ever hear about it till now, because he is a serious researcher, and busy reading, and stuff.

My desire to see a Classics-themed Zachary Quinto tumblr is insufficient to overcome the inertia that would be needed to carry it out. So just go to google image search and then imagine a lot of excessively precise directions for wagon-building, a la Hesiod, interspersed with Pindar-like confusion as to whether gold, fire, fame, or perhaps even something else, is the best.

{ 27 comments }

1

Meredith 12.08.11 at 7:09 am

At the moment (well, as of a few moments ago) too deep into Hesiod (not Pindar, actually, though it’s hard ever to be too far from water’s being best) to imagine what to make of this. I have trouble keeping straight all the pretty young faces (isn’t Ryan Gosling one of ‘em? the name rings a bell…). Commodification at this level (forget sword and sandals) of Classics? Wow! But. Inertia. Yes, that’s my response. Which is sad. Shouldn’t a pretty young boy prompt a quite different response, even an imagined one, in this middle-aged woman?

2

Belle Waring 12.08.11 at 7:24 am

Zachary Quinto? Is not a boy, and I didn’t make the biostatistics tumblr. Classics could be humorously commodified in this fashion if the inertia could be overcome; the long section about various sickles and other tools used in viticulture would be hilarious; I can’t imagine what would be objectionable about it. Wait, you’re worried I should be thinking about fucking him entertaining impure thoughts about him instead? Mission accomplished, baby.

3

Belle Waring 12.08.11 at 7:38 am

OK you guys, I’ve changed my mind, water is the best after all. Totally. Sticking with it.

4

Salient 12.08.11 at 8:08 am

I suppose Hey girl, would you like for me to delineate a standard deviation below your mean probably manages to be both too crass and too pedestrian for a biostats tumblr.

5

Belle Waring 12.08.11 at 8:45 am

No, you should totally submit it.

6

Barry 12.08.11 at 12:02 pm

‘Sometimes I feel like a null hypothesis. I’ll never be accepted’

Hmmmmm. Either ignorant, or making a very subtle point.

7

sg 12.08.11 at 12:36 pm

What an awesome idea! They are very sweet. I particularly like “Hey girl, you had me at ‘generalized estimating equations’.” My master’s supervisor was a woman with a definite bias towards Casella and Berger, so I like that one too.

Although I have to disagree about R. I hate it with a passion. Stata is much more romantic. But maybe I’m just a sucker for a nice set of curves…

8

bert 12.08.11 at 2:46 pm

Is Ryan Gosling a heartthrob? In the real world, I mean, rather than on the E! channel. I saw both ‘Drive’ and ‘The Ides of March’ recently, and he struck me as a bunch of nothing.

Drive in particular.
The publicity for it kept referencing Steve McQueen in The Getaway and Ryan O’Neal in The Driver. The type of guy that men want to be and women want to be with. Ryan Gosling?? Not even close.
Something about his face (the way his eyes sit in their sockets, the set of his chin) and something about his performance (the glassy-eyed blankness, the tiny shy smile he repeats throughout) made me keep thinking he was Garth from Wayne’s World.

9

straightwood 12.08.11 at 2:48 pm

We appear to be exploring the extremes of cultural cross-rip on CT these days. I am beginning to yearn for a flaming denunciation of the low brow. (Where have you gone, Dwight MacDonald? Our nation turns its grossed out eyes to you.) You now what I’m sayin’ man? Just how many unstable compounds between the elements of trash talk and high table conversation are there? I fear we are doomed to find out here.

10

Belle Waring 12.08.11 at 2:55 pm

It’s always possible that I’m just fucking with you all.

11

Belle Waring 12.08.11 at 2:56 pm

And I agree Ryan Gosling is peculiarly unappealing in an imbecilic fashion. No Steve McQueen, that’s for fucking sure.

12

straightwood 12.08.11 at 3:04 pm

I’m sick of these fucking assaults on my fucking human dignity. If you can’t say two fucking word without fuck between them, then fuck off. We didn’t crawl out of the fucking primordial slime so that we could fuck around smearing it all over each other every fucking day.

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in
Reason! how infinite in faculties! in form and moving
how express and admirable! In action how like an Angel!
in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world

13

bert 12.08.11 at 3:10 pm

14

oudemia 12.08.11 at 3:25 pm

Hey Girl — I’d talk about you, but it’s your greatest glory not to be talked about among men.

15

Belle Waring 12.08.11 at 3:47 pm

LOL.

16

Walt 12.08.11 at 3:50 pm

I don’t get it. There’s no statistics words in that one.

17

Davis X. Machina 12.08.11 at 4:27 pm

Laugh if you must about the plow passage in the Erga, but I had that on a final exam in a Hesiod/Homeric Hymns class once.

To make up for it, the Homeric Hymns passage was basically forty-five epithets for some divinity or other, and a barrel of kai and te.

18

shah8 12.08.11 at 4:53 pm

And then there are times when I realize…

oh!

I’m an idiot among witty savants.

19

Salient 12.08.11 at 8:32 pm

Is Ryan Gosling a heartthrob?

He’s the Gobstopper of eye candy, taking on any variety of transient flavors, none of them particularly novel or appealing, all of them readily identifiable as ordinary if and only if you have enough experience with artificial approximations to the flavors you’d actually like to enjoy to distinguish the tastes not by the constitution of the fruit but by the bright primary color the flavor has been assigned, for your convenience.

20

Doctor Slack 12.09.11 at 2:46 am

Is Ryan Gosling a heartthrob?

The totes obvious answer to this is “yes.”

21

Belle Waring 12.09.11 at 3:56 am

Gosh, both Salient and Doc Slack are so convincing. I’ma go with Salient. She tastes more like purple.

22

Belle Waring 12.09.11 at 4:00 am

17: Davis: I can only laugh about it now because I took my PhD exams on it so long ago. Don’t think I wasn’t sweating bullets at the time. Same with the %$#$ing viticulture tools. [The word "fucking" was redacted in consideration of commenter straightwood's inherent dignity. Wow, those last four words don't really work together, do they?]

23

straightwood 12.09.11 at 5:02 am

O that this too too solid wood would melt,

Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew,

Or that the Everlasting had not fixed

His canon ‘gainst self-deprecation. O God, God,

How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable

Seem to me all the uses of this fucked up world!

Fie on’t, ah, fie, ’tis a fucking unweeded garden

That grows to seed. Things rank and gross in nature

Possess it merely.

24

Meredith 12.09.11 at 6:44 am

There were no flowers in antiquity
but boys’ bodies, pale, perfectly imagined.
So the gods sank to human shape with longing.
In the field, in the willow grove,
Apollo sent the courtiers away.

I’d rather read Louise Gluck (The Triumph of Achilles) any day than look at this Ryan guy. Of course, as I get older, I understand longings in, well, a more comprehensive way.

25

bert 12.09.11 at 12:00 pm

To be fair, much of the problem with ‘Drive’ comes from the director.
Listen to this for some Tarantino-grade BS, without the charm.
The ending of the movie, where Gosling turns into a shit superhero, is pitiful.

26

oudemia 12.09.11 at 7:30 pm

I never had the plow bits from Hesiod on an exam, but I did have the grape and olive presses from the Georgics.

27

mir 12.10.11 at 7:36 pm

Ryan Gosling in Blue Valentine and Half-Nelson: a pretty boy, sure, but an intense actor. More willing to please, maybe, than McQueen, but how is stand-off-ish cool any less of a pose?

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