For your tireless service on behalf of good, you have been given the power to replace the weak link in any band, past or present.
You need not be bound by practical considerations; you’re free to ignore the fact that (say) Peter Criss was the only one who could properly apply the KISS makeup. For example, you can replace Liz Phair (the singer) while keeping Liz Phair (the songwriter). How do you use this power, and why?
My answers under the fold.
Rolling Stones: Replace Mick Jagger with Otis Redding. I’ve never been a big Stones fan, largely because of Mick Jagger’s vocal style. I guess you love it or hate it.
From my perspective, virtually every Stones song would be improved by replacing his vocals with Otis Redding. Otis Redding was just dripping with passion, up and down the register. He could do howling rock better than Mick Jagger, he can do quiet better, he’s just a better singer. Plus, it might have kicked off a pattern of high-profile collaborations between soul and rock musicians.
The Minutemen: Replace D. Boon (singer) with Mike Patton, the singer from Faith No More. The Minutemen were a terrific post-punk group, but their funky stop-start style was undermined by their irredemably square lead vocals. Mike Patton is much more flexible and talented a rock singer. They could have been huge.
The White Stripes: Replace Meg White (drummer) with Brian Chase (Yeah Yeah Yeahs drummer). Meg White is a very simple drummer. I had a drummer friend point out why- she doesn’t seem to to able to separate her left arm pattern from her right arm pattern very well. Hence the long string of BOOM THWACK BOOM THWACK eighth notes on many of the White Stripes songs. It often works in context. But in a band with such minimalist sound, I’m disappointed that the drummer isn’t adding more.
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, like the White Stripes, have one great guitar player, one vocalist, and one drummer. But Brian Chase fills out their songs in a way Meg White doesn’t approximate. Maybe I’d hate the result in real life, but I’d love to hear him try the same thing with a few White Stripes songs.
The Dave Matthews Band: Replace LeRoi Moore (saxophone) with any other professional saxophone player. So mediocre. Every music major at my college could play rings around the guy. Life’s not fair, I know.
Madvillian: Replace MF Doom (MC) with Rakim. This is a bit unfair, since virtually any hip-hop group could be improved by replacing the MC with Rakim, but I’ve noticed it especially with Madvillian. MF Doom has a deep voice and a non gimmicky style that occasionally fades into monotony. To my ears, he sounds a lot like Rakim without the drama.
For your tireless service on behalf of good
I don’t know what good is, but good isn’t getting rid of D. Boon. Redding for Jagger would go down with Steve Finlay and Curt Shilling for Glenn Davis as one of the greatest trades ever made.
Replace the McCartney doppelganger with the real McCartney in the post-Sgt. Pepper Beatles.
Kevin Coyne for Jim Morrison in the Doors.
Never liked the Doors till I heard that they invited Coyne to replace Morrison after the latter’s death. But, is this true? Can it be? I can believe he turned it down.
Sonic Youth: replace Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon, as singers only, with Black Francis and Alison Krauss.
Jonathan Richman & the Modern Lovers: replace everybody else with JoJo alone on acoustic guitar. Oh, wait: he did that.
I would replace Chris Cutler the lyricist with Peter Blegvad, while retaining him as drummer, in any project to which Cutler has contributed lyrics ever.
Crooked Timber: Replace Ted Barlow with Matt Ygleisias, even though Ted is the only member of CT who gets the makeup right?
(See www.tedbarlow.blogspot.com
“I’m going to be joining the big boys at Crooked Timber. I don’t have a Ph.D and I’m not an academic, so I’m going to be the Peter Criss to their rest of KISS.”)
;)
Black Sabbath — replace Ozzy with Tiny Tim
I believe that Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull proposed replacing Robert Plant, lyricist, with himself. I suspect he wanted to replace Plant entirely, but I’m less certain of that.
For some reason, Plant took offense at the suggestion.
Believe me, if they could get Matthew Yglesias, they’d trade in a heartbeat.
Replace John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin with . . . Derek Smalls.
Well, duh.
http://discuss.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/zforum/00/smalls0919.htm
replace Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth with Kim Deal of the Pixies.
replace Phil Collins of Genesis with Peter Gabriel.
Ack! D. Boon WAS The Minutemen!
I’d replace Osama Bin Laden with “Carrot Top”.
Man, the Friday poll on my blog is much less fun than this one. :(
Replace every member of every 80’s hair metal band with Led Zeppelin and be done with it.
Replace every pop diva’s voice with that of Tom Waits (or, in some cases, Louis Armstrong).
Replace Paul Schaeffer with Little Richard.
Replace the Replacements with the Place Mats.
Replace every artist at the very pinnacle of their success with me.
Replace Alex Chilton post Big Star with Alex Chilton pre/circa Big Star. Replace Rod Stewart Never a Dull Moment with Rod Stewart pre/circa Never a Dull Moment. Who was it that said about Rod, “Rarely has anyone betrayed his talent so completely”?
Oh hell, while I’m at it, replace everyone whose insight and talent ran out too young with the the appropriate younger, fearless version themselves, the one that didn’t yet know any better.
Scott
Jethro Tull (1995-today’s lineup): Replace Doane Perry (drummer) and Jonathan Noyce (bassist) with Dave Mattacks and Danny Thompson, so that instead of trying to recapture their old rock style they can go into their final years making great acoustic records.
Or don’t, but for goodness’ sake replace Jonathan Noyce anyway.
For that matter, they should replace Andy Giddings (Keyboards), with John Kirkpatrick (accordeon).
I’d leave Bob Dylan the songwriter and replace Bob Dylan the singer with
Sam Cooke.
Or a bag full of cats being beaten by a stick. Anything would sound better than Dylan.
Peter Gabriel for Phil Collins in Genesis. Brian Wilson for Glen Campbell in the Beach Boys. David Lee Roth for Sammy Hagar in Van Halen. I guess I lack imagination for this exercise. I usually like for groups to just keep together. Jagger’s style can make a good song bad but I can’t see Otis Redding doing Sister Morphine. My musical regrets are: That’s Mozart didn’t live long enough to be challedged by Beethoven’s rising star. That the Beatles didn’t record any 7 - 9 minute jams on songs like I Feel Fine or She’s a Woman. That Sid Barrett and Brian Wilson did the wrong drug and the wrong time.
Replace Keith Relf in the Yardbirds with just about anybody - Sir John Johns maybe, but keep both Beck and Page at the same time.
An add Rod Stewart to Television and let Tom focus on guitar playing. “I remember, Maggie, how the darkness doubled…”
-john
Replace Robert Plant with Janis Joplin.
Replace Roger Daltrey with Exene Cervenka.
Make Elvis Costello put down the guitar.
Don’t let Carrie Brownstein (Sleater-Kinney) sing.
Nirvana — replace Kurt Cobain with Darryl Hall
The Beastie Boys’s Mike D for Q-Tip from ATCQ.
Re-form the Sugarcubes. Get rid of that horrid male rap/vocalist (what was his name again?). Replace him with any halfway decent male rapper OR singer. Instant success.
I would replace the late ’80s Bowie with Rod Stewart, thus freeing Bowie up for other projects.
And I’d replace all of the non-Jello-Biafra members of the Dead Kennedys with anybody who’s not greedy scum.
Replace Big Brother and the Holding Company with a backup band with more talent. Pretty much any random assortment of noise-makers would do the trick: Meg White on drums, Elvis Costello on guitar, a high school marching band, John’s bag full of cats being beaten by a stick…
I just saw Supergrass do an excellent show at Webster Hall in NYC a few weeks ago. Lead singer/guitarist/main songwriter Gaz was brilliant (and a hell of a lot of fun to watch), and bassist Mick Quinn thwacked with a fiery conviction reminiscent of the Jam’s Bruce Foxton. Drummer Danny Goffey, on the other hand, was the very definition of dead weight. A few days later I caught a televised interview of the band: Gaz was sweet and self-effacing, while Danny was all snide mumbling and rock-star “cool.” I know Gaz & Danny formed the band as teenagers, so a new drummer is probably not a possibility, but sheesh.
As for the further question: Who should replace him? Hell if I know.
Replace Sterling Morrison with Brian Wilson… that’d be interesting.
And replace Tina Weymouth’s ego with Tina Turner’s.
A few suggestions for vocal swaps:
1. Replace Roger Daltrey with a chimera of Axl Rose and Freddie Mercury.
2. Replace Jimi Hendrix and Richard Thompson, as vocalists only, with a blank track.
3. Replace Leonard Cohen as vocalist with Lou Reed.
4. Replace Neil Young as vocalist with Jimmie Dale Gilmore.
Replace the bullets that killed Biggie with flowers.
Replace the bullets that killed Biggie with flowers.
Replace Oasis.
Not with anyone in particular. Just replace them.
Replace about 90% of guitar players with a Marc Ribot/Joey Santiago duet.
[The Daryl Hall/Kurt Cobain swap is inspired in a sick way…]
1. Replace the guitarists of the Strokes with Ron Ashton and Mick Ronson.
2. Replace The Killers with Happy Mondays.
3. Replace Nils Cline in Wilco with Jim O’Rourke.
4. Replace Jim O’Rourke in Sonic Youth with Nils Cline.
5. Replace Paul Banks of Interpol with Mick Allen of Wolfgang Press.
6. Replace Meg White with Josh Garza of Secret Machines.
7. Replace Matty Safer of the Rapture with Jah Wobble.
8. Replace Grandaddy with Home.
Ringo Starr with Pete Best
Come to think of it. might as well just replace all of The Strokes with:
1) Ashton & Ronson on guitar.
2) Brendan Canty on drums.
3) Neil Michael Hagerty of Royal Trux on bass.
4) Mark E. Smith of The Fall for vocals.
Come to think of it. might as well just replace all of The Strokes with:
1) Ashton & Ronson on guitar.
2) Brendan Canty of Fugazi on drums.
3) Neil Michael Hagerty of Royal Trux on bass.
4) Mark E. Smith of The Fall for vocals.
Ted, a great idea but your particular suggestions are horrible. The Minuteman without D. Boon is like sugestint that Zepplin replace Plant. Actually I would say it’s worse. Also, I would say that suggesting that a band that wrote Political Song for Michael Jackson to Sing could be big is missing the point. DIY.
While your point about Rakim is good, MF Doom does an excellent job on the disc.
Speaking of Rakin’s greatness, did you know this:
http://www.daveyd.com/FullArticles%5CarticleN295.asp
I always thought this was amazing.
Skip
The Who could have surpassed the Rolling Stones if they had replaced the thoroughly mediocre Peter Townshend with Dave Davies of The Kinks
Replace Neil Young right now with himself right now, so there’s an almost imperceptible continuity-strobe/auric-shimmer to his presence; and just keep doing that from here on out.
Replace J Mascis (vocalist and songwriter) of Dinosaur Jr with Paul Westerberg.
Replace Bob Stinson (lead guitar) of the Replacements with J Mascis.
Replace Grant Hart of Husker Du with Dale Crover of the Melvins. Let Bob Mould write all of the songs.
Upon Minister of Information Professor Griff’s departure from Public Enemy, a propagandist of another color, red, is added to the group: Billy Bragg.
Henry Rollins departs Black Flag soon after Damaged is released and Keith Morris returns to the group after the Circle Jerks released Golden Shower of Hits. Henry Rollins is obtains a position teaching as resident poet in the English department at some unknown college in the American midwest and is never heard from again.
Replace Linda McCartney of Paul McCartney and Wings with any one of the Spice Girls. Rotate Spice Girl on a bi-monthly basis. No, it won’t make the music suck any less but ask yourself, how could it possibly make it any worse?
A time machine could place the Tom Waits of Swordfishtrombones era with the Captain Beefheart of Trout Mask Replica and each cut a version of the other’s albums, but then they must return to their own times and give us the beauties that we know and love.
I would replace Mick Jones and Joe Strummer with doppelgangers from alternate reality universes. The dopplegangers will be the same as those they replace in every single respect except they will have the integrity, dignity, and respect of self and fans not to sell “London Calling” for a fucking Jaguar advertisement (and therefore I will be able to mourn Strummer’s untimely death as I have Joey and Dee Dee and yes, Johnny’s too.)
After Santiago Durango’s departure for law school, Andy Gill replaces him as Big Black’s second guitarist (ching).
The suggestions above concerning D.Boon of the Minutemen and Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers are rank heresies. Go now and do penance by playing the first 3 Stooges albums in non-stop rotation until you see the error of your ways.
Oops repost due to typos, probably some still there though:
Upon Minister of Information Professor Griff’s departure from Public Enemy, a propagandist of another color, red, is added to the group: Billy Bragg.
Henry Rollins departs Black Flag soon after Damaged is released and Keith Morris returns to the group after the Circle Jerks release Golden Shower of Hits. Henry Rollins obtains a position teaching as resident poet in the English department at some unknown college in the American midwest and is never heard from again.
Replace Linda McCartney of Paul McCartney and Wings with any one of the Spice Girls. Rotate Spice Girl on a bi-monthly basis. No, it won’t make the music suck any less but ask yourself, how could it possibly make it any worse?
A time machine could place the Tom Waits of Swordfishtrombones era with the Captain Beefheart of Trout Mask Replica and vice versa and then each cut a version of the other’s albums, but then they must return to their own times and give us the beauties that we know and love.
I would replace Mick Jones and Joe Strummer with doppelgangers from alternate reality universes. The dopplegangers will be the same as those they replace in every single respect except they will have the integrity, dignity, and respect of self and fans not to sell “London Calling” for a fucking Jaguar advertisement (and therefore I will be able to mourn Strummer’s untimely death as I have Joey and Dee Dee and yes, Johnny’s too.)
After Santiago Durango’s departure for law school, Andy Gill replaces him as Big Black’s second guitarist (ching).
The suggestions above concerning D.Boon of the Minutemen and Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers are rank heresies. Go now and do penance by playing the first 3 Stooges albums in non-stop rotation until you see the error of your ways.
Replace McCoy Tyner of John Coltrane with someone with lighter hands. Replace Elvis Costello in the Cait O’Riordan couple with me.
In Guns N’ Roses, can I replace Axl Rose’s personality with someone reasonable and keep his singing?
And what’s all this replacing Meg White — if you’re going to replace someone in the White Stripes, put in someone who can actually sing in place of Jack.
Replace McCoy Tyner of John Coltrane with someone with lighter hands.
Another rank heresy.
You must do penance.
But first, a lesson, for the penance to drive home the realization of your sin.
1. Give Coltrane’s Live at the Village Vanguard a spin. Then give it another spin just listening to side A.
2. Then you must play every 60’s era Ornette Coleman album you can lay your hands on.
Repeat steps one and two until the final desired result is achieved.
I will say that after McCoy Tyner cut The Real McCoy with Joe Henderson he should have stopped recording.
Also, keep Elvis Costello on guitar.
Just listen to “I don’t want to go to Chelsea” again and again till you see the wisdom in this.
Replace Mike Love of the mid-60’s Beach Boys with someone who’s less of an asshole.
And in sharp contradistinction with Tim A above, insert Jim O’Rourke into Sonic Youth about five albums earlier.
Replace D. Boon? With Mike Patton! Sacrilege!
But sweet Jesus, I will do a thousand Hail Marys if you will just replace the Dave Matthews Band. Completely.
Replace Yoko Ono with Marianne Faithfull
Oh, and I meant to say, replace Alison Krauss (as a singer — she can keep playing the fiddle) with a number of other people, depending on what you needed: Kasey Chambers, Natalie Maines, Cassie Franklin, Emmylou Harris, Fiona McBain, Amy Helm. (I realize this list leans toward altos rather than sopranos, which may be part of my problem with AK’s singing to begin with.)
Replace Ted’s replacement of Mick Jagger with Otis Redding with Mick Jagger—don’t get me wrong, I love Otis—and replace Ted’s replacement of D.Boon with Mike Patton with D.Boon.
Replace Jello Biafra with someone who didn’t steal my table at the Baghdad Cafe.
Oh, and replace Ted’s replacement of MF Doom (MC) with Rakim with Saul Kripke.
…and then replace Saul Kripke with early Nina Hagen.
Replace D. Boon w/ Mike Patton?!!? A more horrifying idea I could not imagine.
But in the spirit of things replace any of the (might as well be) anonymous guitar players from those early 70’s Miles Davis electric LPs with Sonny Sharrock.
Replace both singers of Fugazi with very passionate robots. Guy and Ian can still play guitar tho.
Hey I was just thinking that if Syd Barrett and Sid Vicious were to trade places we could have avoided a lot of hours worth of meaningless discussions between myself and punk rock friends in the last two years of high school and first two years of college over whether Pink Floyd is (a) a great band or (b) useless assholes.
Replace guitarist Larry LaLonde from Primus with Steve Albini.
Keep Michael Stipe’s voice but replace the entire rest of the band with people who can play their instruments in subtle, interesting ways. Especially lose those ridiculously bouncy basslines, and most of Stipe’s lyrics while we’re at it.
Do not replace D. Boone. Period.
Replace the Beatles with CCR
Replace the Grateful Dud with the Monkees.
Replace Mick Jones with another Mick Jones (no, not the one from Foreigner) with one who won’t just walk away from the band.
Replace Hank Williams Jr. with Sr.
Cat Power (the singer and the songwriter) with Doctor Avalanche.
Ian Curtis with Julie Andrews.
Patrick back into Strangelove, please
And then Bernard Summers with Morrissey… no, wait…
Replace Breeder Kelly Deal with Juliana Hatfield. Put Kelly Deal someplace with a strong lock and no musical instruments.
Replace Michael Stipe of today, with mumbly joe of yesteryear. I liked him better when I didn’t actually know what he was thinking.
Replace Leonard Cohen’s back-up singers with bald girl-children clones of Sinead O’Connor And slit the throat of person who arranged the actual backup singing. Even if it’s Leonard himself.
Ian Curtis with Julie Andrews.
You win the prize.
Fucking hilarious.
Man, if you could only hear the sounds of music going through my head right now….
“I’m living in the ice age…..”
Yeah, Mark is a man after my own heart, although, I might’ve, might’ve I say, replaced Mick Jones with Mick Ronson circa Ziggy Stardust, and I kinda like “family tradition.” Also too, for sure, John Fogerty kicks the shit out of that panty-waste John Lennon, but the Beatles did make possible the great tribute by the, um, Meatmen, “One Down, Three to Go,” featured on their classic “We’re the Meatmen, and you suck” album—also featuring such gems as “Becoming a man (Freud was wrong)” the ireverant “Crippled children suck,” “TSOL are sissies,” etc. And I think I would just replace the Grateful Dweebs with Boyce and Hart themselves.
Anyhoo, I’ve pondered and gotten some advice on this compelling and troubling D.Boon issue, and we decided that if anyway it could be to replace D. Boon, possibly, it would have to be with the guitar genius Tim Kerr of Big Boys (staying in the early ’80s SST family) fame, and later Poison13—the best band ever from Texas…of the rockin’ covers of Mose Allison’s “Parchman Farm,” the Cramps’ (huh, huh) “Strange Movies,” Sonics, Willie Dixon, a little known but awesome band called the Pleasure Seekers, etc., on this SubPop remaster, which people should buy, since, as I say, it is the best band ever from Texas, and good rock’n’roll and not the lameass Wilco/No Depression “we’re so ironic” crap.
Also, I would replace Flava Flav with Saul Kripke.
Raplace Hank Jr with Hank III.
Replace Kenny Jones with BJ Wilson or Micky Waller, or Hunt Sales.
Replace Bill Wyman with John Entwistle.
Replace Ray Manzarek with McCoy Tyner.
Replace Sandie Shaw with Lorraine Ellison.
Replace Charlie Daniels with Jascha Heifetz.
I can’t believe that this is the thread that finally got me posting on CT… and I REALLY can’t believe that you think that replacing MF DOOM with Rakim is a good idea.
Rakim is a good MC, smooth flow, nice rhymes, etc, but by modern standards he’s not a great MC. DOOM brings a superior flow, greater lyrical complexity and just a plain ol’ sense of humour.
So let’s hear no more of this nonsense. I’ll vote for replacing any of the Beastie Boys with any other MC in the world ever, though, especially on their most recent album.
Mac from Superchunk (singing duties only) with… Jenny Toomey? Corin Tucker? Pre-Smoking Popes Shane McGowan? (People suggesting Stephin Merritt earn an A- for amusing irony.)
Shania Twain with Neko Case, just in general.
Looking at most of the sagacity in this thread, I’m thankful the gods were so stingy with the reality-warping superpowers ;}
What a horror you’ve created. I’m hoping by “replace” you don’t mean “trade”. I’m picturing Mick Jagger singing “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay”! AAAHH! Changing the Pixies original lineup. NOOO! And from the comments, replacing OBL with Carrot Top: having Carrot Top hiding out in the mountains of Pakistan/splattered on the wall of a cave in Afghanistan! Well, maybe that’s not so bad. (Ba dum bum.)
Put Nick Drake in front of a rock band so that he learns the thrill of performing to an audience and doesn’t sink into a spiral of depression.
Replace Kraftwerk’s robots with life-size Transformers.
Not a group thing, but: dear Lord, let Phil Ochs live another year so he could hear the Clash!
I also love Ben Wolfson’s suggestion way above. But it would never work. Apparently, during the Henry Cow/Slapp Happy merger, they asked Blegvad to write lyrics for the Tim Hodgkinson opus that was to be Living in the Heart of the Beast— and then they all rejected what he came up with, so he left.
Note too that Anthony Moore, also formerly of Slapp Happy, co-wrote all the good songs Pink Floyd has made since Waters left. It occurs to me that he could be a real asset to that band.
Replace Michael Anthony of Van Halen with any decent bass player. Billy Sheehan. Bootsy Collins. Flea. Les Claypool. And let’s sub in the Diamond Dave of 1983, while we’re at it. Eddie needs to have a screaming asshole on stage to shout down with his playing.
Replace any instance of a Who-like reunion post-1984 with an absence.
Replace Hendrix’s Band of Gypsies with Sly and Robbie. Or Bootsy Collins and Clyde Stubblefield.
Replace David Lee Roth with just about any other singer in David Lee Roth’s band for Eat ‘Em And Smile. Steve Vai. Billy Sheehan. They should never have separated.
“Anthony Moore, also formerly of Slapp Happy, co-wrote all the good songs Pink Floyd has made since Waters left”
Now that I didn’t know. Not that I’ve heard much Floyd since Ummagumma, but I’m glad Anthony More is doing well. The Jules Shear of his generation.
Replace the horn players in Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys with the horn players in McKinney’s Cotton Pickers.
Replace Johnny St. Cyr in the Louis Armstrong Hot Five and Hot Seven with Banjo Ikey Robinson from Jabbo Smith’s All Stars.
Replace my current taste in music with something more relevant to the society in which I live.
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Jacques Distler
Stephen Hsu
Irascible Professor
Andrew Jaffe
Michael Nielsen
Chad Orzel
String Coffee Table
Math/Statistics
Dead Parrots
Andrew Gelman
Christopher Genovese
Moment, Linger on
Jason Rosenhouse
Vlorbik
Peter Woit
Complex Systems
Petter Holme
Luis Rocha
Cosma Shalizi
Bill Tozier
Chemistry
"Keneth Miles"
Engineering
Zack Amjal
Chris Hall
University Administration
Frank Admissions (moribund?)
Architecture/Urban development
City Comforts (urban planning)
Unfolio
Panchromatica
Earth Sciences
Our Take
Who Knows?
Bitch Ph.D.
Just Tenured
Playing School
Professor Goose
This Academic Life
Other sources of information
Arts and Letters Daily
Boston Review
Imprints
Political Theory Daily Review
Science and Technology Daily Review