July 22, 2004

Deliverance in disturbances

Posted by Ross Silverman

Swift brash flash of blue
Nobly shielding your fledglings
Can’t I mow the lawn?

Posted on July 22, 2004 01:14 PM UTC
Comments

Good! “Nobly” maybe a bit too much, though. Show, don’t tell…

Posted by mrpernickety · July 22, 2004 07:44 PM

Thanks for the advice. I admit, it’s a new form to me, and I enter with little former training (is there such a thing as “folk Haiku”?). But I’m interested in learning. I’ll likely make it a regular Thursday thing at my own blog, so feel free to come by and join in.

Posted by Ross Silverman · July 22, 2004 07:54 PM

Rewrite:

Swift brash flash of blue
Sorties flown shielding the brood
Can’t I mow the lawn?

Posted by Ross Silverman · July 22, 2004 08:16 PM

Babies make you attack me.

Posted by s_bethy · July 23, 2004 03:07 AM

Wingless invader
Eating without digesting
This lawn’s my kingdom

Posted by vernaculo · July 23, 2004 08:09 PM
Followups

This discussion has been closed. Thanks to everyone who contributed.