June 14, 2004

Tomorrow's Kerry-bashing today

Posted by Ted

It’s looking like another bad week for the Bush Administration. The torture memos haven’t stopped coming, and Bush’s lawyerly dismissals haven’t satisfied anyone. It’s considerably harder to hold on to the “few bad apples” theory. The Vice President’s office was much more involved in arranging sole-source contracts for Halliburton than previously revealed. Iraq’s power production is still below pre-war levels, as insurgents hold Falloujah.

It sounds to me like it’s time for another manufactured Kerry scandal. I’ve taken the liberty of scripting it out below.

*******************************************

Drudge is showing a 1984 picture of John Kerry in a “Members Only” jacket.

Members Only? I guess it’s not quite as big a tent as we’ve been led to believe.

UPDATE: Mickey Kaus comments:

Nice jacket, freak!!

Indeed. There’s a lot more; just keep scrolling.

UPDATE: Howard Kurtz notes that Kerry hasn’t been seen in a Members Only jacket in years. Asks Kurtz, “Did Kerry vote for Members Only before he voted against it?”

As the saying goes, “heh.”

UPDATE: Hugh Hewitt has a a question:

So who, exactly, are the “members” of this little club that the John “man of the people” Kerry belonged to? More specifically, who isn’t welcome? Could it be…. Jews?

Good question.

UPDATE: Roger L. Simon has more details on the developing anti-Semitic implications of Kerry’s.. er… questionable taste in clothing.

UPDATE: Oliver Willis writes:

“‘Members Only’ was the name of a popular clothing line. There was no club of any sort, exclusionary or not, to belong to. Even I had one. It’s just some words on the back of a jacket.”

While I share Oliver’s feeling that Kerry is a phony, I’m a little disturbed that he would blow off the charges of anti-Semitism so lightly. Funny, I thought the left was supposed to be concerned about prejudice.

UPDATE: Reader mmallow writes:

Where have you been? The Left has been a Nazi-lite movement for years. If there’s any difference between the Nurenburg rally and the so called “Rally for Choice” this weekend, I’m afraid that I can’t see it.

While that’s inappropriate and inflamatory, I’m going to post it anyway.

UPDATE: Several readers have sent me this picture of George W. Bush in a
Members Only jacket. Sorry, I don’t see how that’s relevant.

UPDATE: Snopes says that the Members Only jacket photo is a fake. Sheesh. Still, I’m more reliable than a Boston Globe photo-feature! (more here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here here, and here).
Posted on June 14, 2004 04:47 PM UTC
Comments

Brilliant, and a far-too-accurate look.

Posted by carpeicthus · June 14, 2004 05:08 PM

Several readers have sent me this picture of George W. Bush in a
Members Only jacket. Sorry, I don’t see how that’s relevant.

It’s a Skull&Bones thing. You wouldn’t understand.

Posted by apostropher · June 14, 2004 05:14 PM

As the saying goes, “heh.”

Posted by asdf · June 14, 2004 05:19 PM

It would have been funny and effective if the provided links went to examples that backed the premise and specific accussations against each blogger.

For instance if the Hugh Hewitt link took the reader to an example where the only anti-Semitism to be found was in Hugh’s fevered imagination.

Without such links the post really
just comes across as pandering of guillible Kerry supporters.

But hey WTF, I bet they enjoy it.

Posted by BigMacAttack · June 14, 2004 05:29 PM

Wow, that’s creepy. I got chills…

Posted by Terry · June 14, 2004 05:43 PM

Read the Post, you got next week’s memo - today’s is “People are more anti-Bush than pro-Kerry day”. Shees, get with the program.

Posted by VAdem · June 14, 2004 05:49 PM

But Kerry will have his usual forthright explanations: it was actually his wife’s jacket; actually, it was his friend’s jacket; well, actually, he was just pretending to wear the jacket; he threw away the jacket afterwards, but not the pants; the jacket was an award for his service in Vietnam; actually, he told his speechwriters to stop making him wear the jacket, and he took the jacket off whenever he noticed he had it on; he was against wearing the jacket after he took it off; in Vietnam, where he served his country while others were lolling around the US wearing jackets, he certainly didn’t wear any jackets.

The order of excuses may not be exactly as stated above. Kerry is flexible.

Posted by bull · June 14, 2004 05:56 PM

Great so far, but where’s yer Maureen Dowd? Whenever Democrats don articles of clothing, you can rest assured that a full writeup from MD is never more than a couple of days away…

Posted by turbonium · June 14, 2004 05:58 PM

JACKETS - I predict they will be the big trend from January 2005 onwards - Comfortable, yet cool - a retro look - harking back to an America when moral standards were real swell, family values and nice haircuts. The Kerry Jacket will be one of many.

Posted by Crystal Ball · June 14, 2004 06:09 PM

UPDATE: Roger L. Simon cites an article in the Washington Times that reports that the jacket may have been given as a bribe to Kerry by Jacques Chirac. According to an anonymous source (read: minions of Chalabi) an entire shipment of similar jackets may have been found in an Iraqi house that, according to another anonymous source, was once visited by Saddam Hussein, Read the whole thing.

Posted by John M · June 14, 2004 06:20 PM

It would have been funny and effective if the provided links went to examples that backed the premise and specific accussations against each blogger.

See? You’ve obviously been hanging out with those editors people over at the Poor Man too long and have become shrill and unfunny.

bigmac, dear, if you read the blog that’s being skewered here, you’d realize that the additional links are only very rarely even tangentially related to the bullshit allegations they’re intended to support. They not infrequently contradict them. They’re not meant to be read. They exist to give a frisson of validation to people who can’t be troubled to click through.

Posted by julia · June 14, 2004 06:28 PM

Oh my, more excuses, just in: while Kerry may have been at the meeting where the picture was taken, the picture was photo-shopped; how dare the Republicans question his decision to wear a jacket when the President did not serve in Vietnam, not that he, Mr. Kerry, would ever bring up the subject of Bush’s Air Force Reserve record; he was getting a haircut that day, and that was the barber’s jacket; he was reenacting his Vietnam service and had become wet and cold, and someone had given him the jacket to warm him up; the figure in the picture was an animatronic Kerry – of course you can tell the difference.

Posted by Susan B. Anthony · June 14, 2004 06:36 PM

If John Kerry wants to wear a pink and purple check jacket - that is his right because this is America, and he is an American. In fact, I think this shows he is an individual. If he was in another country they might have a law against it. Good for him!

Posted by Sandy · June 14, 2004 06:38 PM

Thank you, I laughed until I cried.

Posted by phg · June 14, 2004 06:38 PM

First-rate.

Posted by Scott · June 14, 2004 06:59 PM

I don’t read Instapundit. The style is so instantly recognizable, though, and you’ve hit it right on.

Just to be fair, though, I did steel myself to actually read a page of the Instapundit’s stuff, and your parody is confirmed. First thing on the top of the page today was a favorable link to a book with this quote:

According to some of the top journalists in the country, gun enthusiasts and NRA members are racist, stupid, ignorant about history an dpolitics, apathetic to violence, bellicose, and jingoistic. They are, quite simply, evil.

Seriously? And Reynold’s thinks the book could be interesting, and is an “honest sociological look” in opposition to a “rather cartoonish and negative view”? Dear gog.

I don’t think I’ll need to look at Instapundit again.

Posted by PZ Myers · June 14, 2004 07:02 PM

Indeed.

Posted by Aaron Gillies · June 14, 2004 07:11 PM

UPDATE: A reader points out that the where the U.N. is concerned, “members only” applies only insofar as illegal profits can be siphoned off so-called humanitarian aid programs to fund terrorists. As I have mentioned here before, one need look no further for evidence that the left has become unhinged.

Posted by skb · June 14, 2004 07:16 PM

I can think of one member-only club to which kerry currently belongs: the U.S. Senate.

Posted by Mellifluous · June 14, 2004 07:20 PM

pz myers — genius.

Posted by Barbar · June 14, 2004 07:35 PM

What is a “members only” jacket? I’ve looked at the Drudge but did not recognize any image that fit your posting.

DSW

Posted by Antoni Jaume · June 14, 2004 07:41 PM

Im sorry, but Im reading homosexual overtones into this jacket scandal. “MEMBERS” only? Whose ‘members’ are we speaking of Mr. Kerry? This is proof that Kerry supports gay marriage and the downfall of Western Society ‘cause he’s nothing but a flaming closet case himself!!!

HARUMPHHH!!!

Posted by RNinNC · June 14, 2004 07:50 PM

Hilarious! Absolutely spot on. That’s the best indictment of the non-story story we keep seeing.

By the way, it turns out Kerry has another jacket in his closet that he wears on occassion. Flip flopper.

Posted by carsick · June 14, 2004 07:51 PM

Instant Classic!

Posted by Goose3five · June 14, 2004 08:01 PM

Nicely future-parsed. And may I add:

Lileks tsk-tsks the fashion choice; opines that it says a lot about Kerry, without mentioning exactly what that might be; scans a page from a JCPenney menswear catalog from 1952 to prove his point; and wraps up the whole thing with an unrelated anecdote about how his daughter mispronounced “peanut butter” while playing on the iMac.

Do I win a prize?

Posted by BigEasy · June 14, 2004 08:06 PM

Nicely future-parsed. And may I add:

Lileks tsk-tsks the fashion choice; opines that it says a lot about Kerry, without mentioning exactly what that might be; scans a page from a JCPenney menswear catalog from 1952 to prove his point; and wraps up the whole thing with an unrelated anecdote about how his daughter mispronounced “peanut butter” while playing on the iMac.

Do I win a prize?

Posted by BigEasy · June 14, 2004 08:07 PM

Too freakin’ funny.

Posted by Edward · June 14, 2004 08:13 PM

And they say liberals can’t be funny. (Of course, after reading this post they’ll still be saying that.)

The fawning praise just shows that you people need to get out more.

Posted by Joe Carter · June 14, 2004 08:31 PM

And they say liberals can’t be funny. (Of course, after reading this post they’ll still be saying that.)

The fawning praise just shows that you people need to get out more.

Posted by Joe Carter · June 14, 2004 08:31 PM

Another load of crap today including:
“I took a whopping paycut when I left law practice, and the gap continues to widen. Guys with my seniority are making well over a million bucks a year at big firms.” Seniority helps, but hard work and winning big cases is also part of the package. Those that can, do, those that can’t teach, and blog.

Posted by lk · June 14, 2004 09:03 PM

Wearing trendy sportswear is just one typical example of how John Kerry tries to position himself as a regular guy. I think it reveals much about Sen. Kerry’s hamster-like character.

Posted by Jodi Wilgoren · June 14, 2004 09:20 PM

I’ll take Kerry in a members Only Jacket than W in a flight suit anyday.

Boy you know the wingnuts are desperate when they can’t find anything else to attack him with.

Posted by Maccabee · June 14, 2004 09:28 PM

This is quite amusing. However, I hear that something is about to break in the news/blogosphere that may be more serious relative to John Kerry’s campaign. Our understanding is that a Teresa Heinz funded group that works under the label,”Women’s eNews,” has published on its website what could develop into a real bombshell: a puff piece, by one Sarah Smiles, about widows of “martyrs” from the terrorist group Hezbollah. “Deified in paradise and venerated on earth for fighting Israel, Hizbullah’s martyrs are nothing short of heroes in southern Lebanon,” Smiles rhapsodizes. “Their wives are in turn admired, because of their husband’s sacrifice.” This has been, or is in the process of being, widely disseminated to Jewish organizations.

Posted by Eric · June 14, 2004 09:38 PM

This is quite amusing. However, I hear that something is about to break in the news/blogosphere that may be more serious relative to John Kerry’s campaign. Our understanding is that a Teresa Heinz funded group that works under the label,”Women’s eNews,” has published on its website what could develop into a real bombshell: a puff piece, by one Sarah Smiles, about widows of “martyrs” from the terrorist group Hezbollah. “Deified in paradise and venerated on earth for fighting Israel, Hizbullah’s martyrs are nothing short of heroes in southern Lebanon,” Smiles rhapsodizes. “Their wives are in turn admired, because of their husband’s sacrifice.” This has been, or is in the process of being, widely disseminated to Jewish organizations.

Posted by Eric · June 14, 2004 09:38 PM

This is quite amusing. However, I hear that something is about to break in the news/blogosphere that may be more serious relative to John Kerry’s campaign. Our understanding is that a Teresa Heinz funded group that works under the label,”Women’s eNews,” has published on its website what could develop into a real bombshell: a puff piece, by one Sarah Smiles, about widows of “martyrs” from the terrorist group Hezbollah. “Deified in paradise and venerated on earth for fighting Israel, Hizbullah’s martyrs are nothing short of heroes in southern Lebanon,” Smiles rhapsodizes. “Their wives are in turn admired, because of their husband’s sacrifice.” This has been, or is in the process of being, widely disseminated to Jewish organizations.

Posted by Eric · June 14, 2004 09:39 PM

Brilliant, Ted, brilliant.

One should read the whole thing.

Posted by Randy Paul · June 14, 2004 09:45 PM

Don’t you know Internet Rule of Humor #1? When you make fun of the other side, it’s comedy. When you make fun of my side, it’s tragedy.

Posted by Walt Pohl · June 14, 2004 10:00 PM

He shoots, he scores.

The only thing funnier than this Insta-hack parody is the Insta-trolls in the comments with their lame-assed counterstrikes.

Posted by Kuas · June 14, 2004 11:03 PM

UPDATE: Shaq and Kobe quit their feuding and agree to join up against Kerry on the eve of their Game 5 defeat in Detroit.

Bush refuses comment, claiming that baseball is “his” sport, not basketball.

Posted by d. mason · June 14, 2004 11:05 PM

Uncanny foresight, almost like a 6th sense. Next headline is - Kerry opposes Bush, therefore he supports terrorism.

Posted by Bedtime Forbonzo · June 15, 2004 12:03 AM

bigmac, dear, if you read the blog that’s being skewered here, you’d realize that the additional links are only very rarely even tangentially related to the bullshit allegations they’re intended to support. They not infrequently contradict them.

Maybe the link to the David Hasselhof picture was too subbb-tulll for our supersized friend.

Posted by Alex · June 15, 2004 01:09 AM

Are all your posts named eric?

Posted by pbg · June 15, 2004 03:26 AM

No, it wasn’t actually a Members Only jacket.

It was an original, limited-edition, French couture veston de luxe, which Members Only later ripped off and mass produced with shoddy materials, rather than the original fabric of exquisitely rare woven fetus hair, blended with cotton obtained from the pulp of bibles stolen from Christian homes by Communists.

The designer was a former North Vietnamese POW torturer, who defected to France after the war and opened a dress shop specializing in couture Mao suits.

Kerry and he are quite close. They often meet in Paris for creme brulee, sometimes accompanied by Jane Fonda and the Paris station chief for Al Qaeda.

Posted by Jon H · June 15, 2004 03:59 AM

So eerie - like staring into a living web mirror. Brrrr.

Posted by fafnir · June 15, 2004 05:53 AM

HA ha, you’ve easily nailed the rhetoric of Instapundit - even if that’s not specifically who you were trying to parody. I strongly applaud your astute observational and creative writing skills.

Posted by Eric Rolph · June 15, 2004 07:47 AM

“They” say liberals can’t be funny? Odd, then, that most comedians (indeed, most of the people active in the performing arts) are liberal.

And if anything proves that conservatives generally aren’t funny (P.J. O’Rourke being a shining exception), just look at what happened to Dennis Miller…

Posted by Teaflax · June 15, 2004 10:16 AM

As I have mentioned here before, one need look no further for evidence that the left has become unhinged.

and it’s a damned good thing! Too bad no one noticed last time…

Posted by Extradite the Neocons · June 15, 2004 10:18 PM

If only my members could “Kerry”
Florida.

Quack Quack.

Posted by Mike Timmons · June 15, 2004 11:58 PM

Catch-22 funny-scary. I looked around when I smiled, just in case. And Jon H, your twist had me laughing out loud. Until I thought about the Protocols of Zion.

Posted by whumpsnatz · June 16, 2004 03:48 PM
Followups

→ I Hate John Kerry Because He's Bad.
Excerpt: Ted Barlow has an exclusive look at an upcoming John Kerry scandal....Read more at The Poor Man
→ Kerry Bashing.
Excerpt: Curious about what the next scandal will be? Look into the future....Read more at the Greater Nomadic Council
→ The echo chamber!.
Excerpt: Over at the Timber, they make a funny: Tomorrow's Kerry-bashing today. It's been a bad week for Bush, so we're about due for some scandal! Drudge is showing a 1984 picture of John Kerry in a “Members Only†jacket. MembersRead more at Wax Banks
→ Politics by Other Means.
Excerpt: I am not sure this is parody......Read more at Lean Left
→ Kerry Bashing.
Excerpt: It's like there's a script. And I'm pro-Member's Only....Read more at Oliver Willis: Like Kryptonite To Stupid
→ It's funny.
Excerpt: Big John Kerry scandalRead more at There is Some Truth in That
→ Ted rocks.
Excerpt: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ted Barlow, the nattering nabob Nostradamus with the mostest....Read more at Off the Kuff
→ Another reason why it's hard to stay ahead of the satire curve.
Excerpt: And here I thought Ted was kidding about seeing John Kerry in a Members Only jacket. I'm so out of...Read more at Off the Kuff

This discussion has been closed. Thanks to everyone who contributed.