August 23, 2004

Pleasant Surprise

Posted by Kieran

This morning I cut myself while shaving. It was just a superficial wound, but as I was coming out of the bathroom the doorbell rang and there was this army officer in full dress uniform at the door. He presented me with a Purple Heart. I expressed some surprise but he just said “Standard medal-issuing procedure, Sir,” adding that his job had been made much easier by “the new Homeland Security Surveillance Cameras.” I asked him did he want to come in for a cup of coffee, but he said he had to run down to Number 27 to award a Silver Star to a woman who’d just caught the pancake-batter bowl before it went all over the kitchen floor.

Posted on August 23, 2004 03:30 PM UTC
Comments

Q: Where are George Bush’s medals?

A: George found them in his Easter Basket, so he ate them.

Posted by Peaches and Usagi · August 23, 2004 04:30 PM

Oh, yeah, right, you were “surprised”. It’s obvious that your “injury” is part of a plan to become President 35 years from now.

Posted by Blue the Wild Dog · August 23, 2004 06:18 PM

Dole needs something to get his brain up.

Posted by Arthur D. Hlavaty · August 23, 2004 08:06 PM

As a member of Straight Razor Users for Truth, I’d like to testify to the facts regarding incidents from long ago today. I was there when you were shaving, and not only was your razor electric, it was disposable.

. . . I hereby revoke my testimony.

Posted by Kriston · August 23, 2004 10:47 PM

As a matter of fact Bush does have two medals, or at least he has been photagraphed wearing two.

The first is the small arms proficiency ribbon which means he scored over 90% in his marksmanship test.

The second is a unit award, only the odd thing is that nobody can find Bush’s name in any citation.

Most interesting are the two medals Bush failled to get, these were the ones you get for just showing up at three and five years. Bush was never awarded them.

Another somewhat telling fact is that after three years Bush was still a Lt. Kerry would easily have made Captain if he had stayed in.

I think that what Kerry needs to do is to go out and address his opposition to the Vietnam war. He has a good story, the soldiers were betrayed by the politicians, in particular a President who lied to them and lied to the American people. Sure the US could have ‘won’ Vietnam, but what would that mean? Nobody doubted the ability of the US to win a formal battle.

Posted by Phill · August 24, 2004 04:01 AM

Hillarious. Miss that great barracks humor. Who didn’t holler “gimme a PH” from the latrine for some damn thing. The DI’s had great fun with PH’s and us. Scared the crap outta me mostly. I never wanted no PH.

But I gotta tell you, especially aftert seeing people get zapped and hurt real bad or even taking the dirt nap, the only time it ain’t funny to make fun of the PH is when some pussy who never put on a uniform makes a joke “about getting one for shaving.”

Posted by dc · August 24, 2004 02:38 PM

Didn’t Bush get a medal for failing his medical exam? Or at least one for being suspended from flight duty, yes?

Posted by Jmote · August 24, 2004 03:03 PM
Followups

→ Why do they hate America ?.
Excerpt: What kind of limpwristed surrender monkey would deride one of his own country's most important military honours as being a bogus scheme cooked up for political purposes? Morton Blackwell, Republican of Virginia (and dozens of other delegates to the RNC...Read more at John Quiggin
→ Why do they hate America ?.
Excerpt: What kind of limpwristed surrender monkey would deride one of his own country's most important military honours as being a bogus scheme cooked up for political purposes? Morton Blackwell, Republican of Virginia (and dozens of other delegates to the RNC...Read more at John Quiggin

This discussion has been closed. Thanks to everyone who contributed.