Back when I was the director of the humanities program at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, we had our conferences and our lecture series and such things. For obvious reasons, it is much more difficult to host such things than to be a guest at them, and the experience taught me not only what it’s like to have Host Anxiety Dreams but also — I hope! — how to be a Good Guest. What’s it like to deal with the Guest From Hell? Well, one year, at the urging of a colleague, I booked a speaker who wound up changing his flight arrangements at the last moment, at a stunning cost of $1000, and then cancelled on us anyway. When he eventually arrived, the next semester, he gave a mildly interesting if off-the-cuff talk, went home, and then sent me an outraged email when his honorarium arrived, for, although it was in the amount we’d stipulated, it was not in the amount to which he had (quite quickly!) become accustomed. When I pointed this out to him, things quickly escalated to the point at which he threatened to tell my dean on me, to which I replied, please do, by all means, and I will be happy to copy your department chair and dean on all our correspondence, going back to your initial change of travel plans and subsequent cancellation. That ended <i>that</i> little exchange, and I don’t believe we’ve kept in touch since.
Anyway, having encountered a few Guests From Hell, I’ve sometimes wondered what it would be like to host an entire Speakers’ Series From Hell. And now I know!
Check out <a href=”http://www.radiocity.com/events/radio-city-speaker-series-2009.html”>this parade of horribles</a> calling itself “The Minds That Move the World.” Holy greataunt of Moloch! It’s like watching cable teevee, <i>live</i> — for only $49.50 to $179.50 a seat! (Plus processing, handling, shipping, and convenience fees.) The most delicious event in this world-historical lineup, surely, has to be Janet Reno, Alberto Gonzales, and John Ashcroft discussing domestic and international law. Dang, Francisco Franco wasn’t available? What’s up for next year, the John Yoo / Dick Cheney Variety Hour? And hey, look <a href=”http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/1D00418B9CBB3193?artistid=1281951&majorcatid=10005&minorcatid=104″>here</a>! It appears that “VIP tickets include a formal pre-show reception in the Roxy Suite with each evening’s speakers. Cocktails and hors d’oeuvres will be served and each guest will have a photo opportunity with the speakers.” Mmm, mmmm! Stuffed mushrooms, prosecco, and photo ops with people who authorize torture! Though the real downside of meeting and chatting with Gonzales is that he won’t even remember it later.
Anyway, the season-opening extravaganza featuring the world-moving minds of Bill Maher and Ann Coulter is this coming Monday, but if you’re busy next week, you can hold out until Charlie Rose interviews James Carville and Karl Rove on May 26. For that one, VIP guests will be given a choice of a formal pre-show reception in the Roxy Suite or, if they prefer, a handful of sharp sticks suitable for plunging into their eyes and/or ears.
<a href=”http://www.michaelberube.com/index.php/weblog/the_minds_that_move_the_world/”>x-posted</a>.
{ 24 comments }
Hidari 03.06.09 at 2:56 pm
Wouldn’t it be depressing if, after the series was over, you heard on the grapevine that in actual fact they were all lovely people who tipped well, never caused any trouble, amd meekly filled in their expense claims correctly and on time?
I HATE it when that happens.
Cannoneo 03.06.09 at 2:58 pm
In the old days, ballplayers and boxers used to play vaudeville shows in their off-seasons, miming their sporting skills and doing goofy, stilted dialogues. This is like that, but without the self-awareness or the underlying real talent.
Michael Bérubé 03.06.09 at 3:15 pm
Hidari: there is nothing meek about filling in expense claims correctly and on time! I believe Alasdair MacIntyre covers this nicely in After Virtue. But to answer your question, yes, it would be depressing to learn that Ann Coulter tips car-service drivers well. I happen to know for a fact, however, that Cheney demands that his dressing room contain two decanted bottles of unicorn blood. For medical reasons.
Cannoneo: OK, so we should think of Gonzales as the Dizzy Dean of US attorneys general. But a Dizzy Dean who pissed on the Geneva accords and conducted a purge of the Department of Justice. That works for me.
Righteous Bubba 03.06.09 at 3:17 pm
There’s a unicorn shortage!
chris y 03.06.09 at 4:40 pm
You could learn a lot from listening to Janet Reno, Alberto Gonzales, and John Ashcroft discussing domestic and international law. What domestic and international law are not, for example.
Amardeep 03.06.09 at 4:48 pm
What a singularly unappealing line-up. Even the liberals on this list are people I would have no interest in paying money to listen to.
But the real icing on the cake is the title of the series, “The Minds That Move The World.” It should be: “The Mouths That Move The World… To Hurl.”
JP Stormcrow 03.06.09 at 4:55 pm
OK, so we should think of Gonzales as the Dizzy Dean of US attorneys general.
I was actually thinking of Rube Waddell:
But despite the display of Cheneyesque firearms legerdemain, I think we’d be a hell of a lot better off if we could have traded Rube Waddell for any of the folks involved.
Michael Bérubé 03.06.09 at 4:59 pm
Even the liberals on this list are people I would have no interest in paying money to listen to.
Especially since most of the “liberals” are variations on the “Even the Liberal New Republic”® brand. As seen on TV!
Ginger Yellow 03.06.09 at 5:39 pm
I attended a moderated discussion between Carville and Rove about a month back. It was a spectacularly uninformative hour or so, although it was sometimes entertaining.
gmoke 03.06.09 at 5:47 pm
The same series is coming to Boston (or will it be simulcast?) but Al Gore is part of it. Don’t know quite what to think of that.
Michael Bérubé 03.06.09 at 6:23 pm
Yeah, gmoke, it looks like they reserved the real D-league for New York. Don’t know quite what to think of that, either, except that if Madison Square Garden Entertainment is involved, that would explain a lot. The organization that gave you Isiah Thomas (Knicks) and Glen Sather (Rangers) really knows how to scout for the most craptastic talent on the continent.
Ginger Yellow: I hear that kind of thing can be fun. It’s not for me, though.
flubber 03.06.09 at 11:01 pm
Sounds like the seminars occasionally advertised in the New Yorker – big brains like Thomas Friedman, Fareed Zakaria, Joe Klein, etc. I always wonder what the potential audience is for these things – who could be interested enough in the Middle East, for instance, to have the desire to attend (plus the time and money), yet ALSO be ignorant enough about the subject that listening to Thomas Friedman blather about it would add value?
Michael Bérubé 03.07.09 at 12:12 am
It’s a good question, flubber, because the first time I saw a notice of this here travesty, in was in the New Yorker. One hopes that New Yorkers are, in the aggregate, sufficiently well-informed about the world not to have to pay to see world-moving minds like these in action. Then again, one hopes for a brand new pony.
joejoejoe 03.07.09 at 12:54 am
Apparently this ‘The Minds That Move the World’ thing is on tour because a Maher/Coulter event is coming up in Chicago. A quick check of the Google reveals a Boston stop too. It beats the bird flu coming to town but only by a little.
Gene O'Grady 03.07.09 at 1:03 am
It is certainly possible to fill out reimbursement vouchers in an unmeek way. In one of my many past lives when I was charged with processing such things I questioned a highly questionable expense (as my boss expected me to) and had to deal with an irate manager who asked me “What’s wrong? You think I’m trying to Jew the company out of the money.” I had no response.
By the way, this was not in academia
Shawn Crowley 03.07.09 at 11:52 am
This reminds me of a motivational show extravaganza with Colin Powell, Zig Zeiglar, some former football player and a host of other notables. That show was real but the ads still result in nightmares of Scientology auditing classes, high-school gym speakers and the national press corps swooning over lies so audacious that lightning should strike.
Seriously, parody is dead. I can’t tell reality from acid flashbacks anymore. Darwin was born 200 years ago and now Reno, Gonzales, and Friedman are bull goose intellectuals. I guess I have to question natural selection after all.
Zamfir 03.07.09 at 2:30 pm
I always wonder what the potential audience is for these things – who could be interested enough in the Middle East, for instance, to have the desire to attend (plus the time and money), yet ALSO be ignorant enough about the subject that listening to Thomas Friedman blather about it would add value?
This is the age-old mistake that people with money must, somehow, have a bit more taste and wisdom than the average person. In reality, people with money just have more money.
Michael Bérubé 03.07.09 at 3:52 pm
It’s not about the money, Zamfir, it’s about the cultural capital. One would hope that people living in the middle of a media megalopolis would have ready access to information sufficient to make a speakers’ series like this the bad joke it rightly should be. I mean, it’s not as if New Yorkers — at any income level — don’t have any other options for what to do with their time.
Then again, on this principle one would expect people in Los Angeles to produce really good music and movies. See brand new pony, above.
Delicious Pundit 03.07.09 at 4:14 pm
There hasn’t been a group of minds this uninterestingly balanced since David Broder dined alone.
RonK, Seattle 03.08.09 at 5:35 am
National (US) Sleep Awareness Week was proceeding quietly toward its March 9 conclusion until you raised the prospect of a telekinetic Ann Coulter.
Josh 03.08.09 at 6:08 pm
Sadly, I have an uncle in Westchester County who helped found Israel (was in the Haganah), appreciates Conrad and Ford novels, votes Democratic, goes to the Yale Rep, and is an admirer of Friedman, Kristof, Fish, et al. There is such a demographic.
Firas 03.08.09 at 8:34 pm
This strikes me as as pretty disingenuous. It’s like saying you’ll never go to an industry conference because obviously you’ve heard the arguments better hashed out elsewhere or you’ll never read someone review a book because it’s been reviewed elsewhere or you won’t listen to a program about something because it’s been talked about elsewhere. You can’t indict someone for lack of sophistication just because they want to listen to someone talk about things (Friedman, for example) that they already know about (as if Al Gore is that breathtakingly different everytime he opens his mouth). You can’t spend all your time scrounging about for what’s new under the sun.
Doug 03.09.09 at 12:10 pm
Wouldn’t it be depressing if, after the series was over, you heard on the grapevine that in actual fact they were all lovely people…
Ollie North did a signing at our bookstore, back in the day. I was a minion in the promotions section, so I overheard the following dialogue:
Promotions Person, “Gah! Why wasn’t he a complete jerk? Why didn’t he at least spit on the Constitution while he was signing books? He was so nice!”
Old Hand, “The evil ones are always nice.”
Henry 03.10.09 at 7:02 pm
Speaking of Ashcroft… did you know he performed in a barbershop quartet with his colleagues Trent Lott, Jim Jeffords and Larry Craig?? hahaaha… you can take the interesting quiz here- http://msg.com/speakerseries/
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