One-Star Reviews of Chartres Cathedral

by John Holbo on August 25, 2018

Of course you can write online Google reviews of Chartres Cathedral, so sometimes it gets one star.

“wrong location information, wrong in a game to find the place because of it”

(Reminds me of a story.)

“Nothing to do with that of Quasimodo’s film”

(Oh, THAT Notre Dame!)

Moving on to two-star territory:

“The mosaics are impressive, although too bluish for my taste, for the rest despite its size I was disappointed.”

“well, look like so many others”

(If you’ve seen one Cathedral at Chartres, you’ve seen them all.)


“It’s A huge Building …”

“… Found this Cathedral while walking around …”

(Wouldn’t it be amazing to have been the first person to discover the Cathedral at Chartres?)

“Big, fresh, relaxing, silent, meditating, beauty …”

(Considerable consensus on bigness. But not unanimous!)

So then I checked one-star reviews of the Grand Canyon. It seemed like more reviewers were in on the gag by now. There are also reviews for the Pacific Ocean (3.5 stars average). I think being a professional ocean critic would be an ok gig. Then I checked Northern Hemisphere. Google doesn’t let you rate hemispheres. Or elements on the periodic table. Who decides? Then I walked right into it. ‘Why can’t I rate the sun?’ I asked the youngest daughter. ‘Dad, it would only get one star.’ Oh, snap. You see what I did to myself there?



Lobsterman 08.25.18 at 3:07 pm

That is a really funny bon mot.


nastywoman 08.25.18 at 4:45 pm

my favorites:

Extremely Rude Park Rangers
(Bryce Canyon)

You lose cell service because you’re in Nowhere USA
(Badlands National Park)

This is the ugliest place I have ever seen
(Death Valley)

The Bus stops way too much
(Denali National Park)

More like Mediocre Canyon
(Grand Canyon)

It’s like a bigger version of Central Park only with bears

Narcissistic, selfish people posed right in front of the arch for their personal photo
(Arches National Park)


engels 08.25.18 at 5:51 pm

But you could list it on ‘hot or not’.


b9n10nt 08.25.18 at 6:30 pm

@ lobsterman #1

meh…2.5 stars. The sun is a star, so it’s not even a proper pun.

Ooh, let’s rate galaxies: Andromeda gets 1 TRILLION stars!


alfredlordbleep 08.25.18 at 8:47 pm

When Dirty Donnie soils much by association, let me add to it (yet not much). Let’s just say that we admire clever daughters. Especially Holbo-Waring issue.

But what once was a delicate matter of father touting his own is (in these times) overtaken (—)

Rating shown in present American strife, two and a half “trumpettes”. If possible imagine, traveling all the way from Singapore to shoot yourself in the middle of 5th Ave.* (with a water pistol) as some kind of (weird) absolution. (three trumpettes).

*hat tip to Lee Arnold


DF 08.26.18 at 12:17 am

It comes up in the Alexander-Eisenman debate.

Christopher Alexander: Now, I will pick a building, let’s take Chartres for example. We probably don’t disagree that it’s a great building.

Peter Eisenman: Well, we do actually, I think it is a boring building. Chartres, for me, is one of the least interesting cathedrals. In fact, I have gone to Chartres a number of times to eat in the restaurant across the street — had a 1934 red Mersault wine, which was exquisite — I never went into the cathedral. The cathedral was done en passant. Once you’ve seen one Gothic cathedral, you have seen them all.


bad Jim 08.26.18 at 7:21 am

Its famous asymmetry would lend itself to the architectural criticism of Kate Wagner, who scathes hilariously at McMansion Hell.


David Y. 08.26.18 at 4:32 pm

Of the Doge’s Palace in Venice: “Couldn’t find any doges. Would not visit again.”


Jim Buck 08.26.18 at 4:54 pm

‘Two people who could find an argument in any subject’


Z 08.26.18 at 6:54 pm

My second son then 6 year old gave Chartres a scathing two word review: too monotonous.

Even he had to admit that the night time illumination were amazing though.


hix 08.27.18 at 11:03 pm

As long as there is no rateing system for taxi drivers and their customers which leads to taxi driverse rejecting passengers that dont grade on the US scale (4,5 star average)
oh wait.

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