Deliverance in disturbances

by Ross Silverman on July 22, 2004

Swift brash flash of blue
Nobly shielding your fledglings
Can’t I mow the lawn?

{ 5 comments }

1

mrpernickety 07.22.04 at 7:44 pm

Good! “Nobly” maybe a bit too much, though. Show, don’t tell…

2

Ross Silverman 07.22.04 at 7:54 pm

Thanks for the advice. I admit, it’s a new form to me, and I enter with little former training (is there such a thing as “folk Haiku”?). But I’m interested in learning. I’ll likely make it a regular Thursday thing at my own blog, so feel free to come by and join in.

3

Ross Silverman 07.22.04 at 8:16 pm

Rewrite:

Swift brash flash of blue
Sorties flown shielding the brood
Can’t I mow the lawn?

4

s_bethy 07.23.04 at 3:07 am

Babies make you attack me.

5

vernaculo 07.23.04 at 8:09 pm

Wingless invader
Eating without digesting
This lawn’s my kingdom

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