If It’s Not Close They Can’t Cheat

by Belle Waring on November 8, 2006

I was going to post this in a comment to John’s post below, but it’s just so funny that I have to put it up here. From the the one, the only Hugh Hewitt’s post-election reverie:

President Bush will not flag in the pursuit of the war, and Senator Santorum is now available for a seat on the SCOTUS [em. mine] should one become available. GOP senators will have the chance to select leadership equal to the new world of politics which, as the past two years have demonstrated, does not reward timidity.

Justice Santorum. That’s plausible (I mean, he’s got K-Lo’s vote, right?). Excuse me for a moment while I apply a Tiger Balm plaster to my side, which aches from laughing–but this is the man who went to the mat for Harriet Miers, after all.

Oh, this is like Pringles–once you pop open a HH comment thread, you can’t stop. Some of Hewitt’s brghter commenters seem to be awakening to a suspicion that he might…just might…be feeding them a line. But they can’t stay mad!

Michael Arvin: Not to pile on Hugh, but I trusted his judgement throughout and now will have to rethink his opinion on elections. no biggie.

JDaniels: I’m so disappointed, especially in you Hugh. Repubs *+3* in the House? I listen to your radio show and all you talked about was how Kerry’s inane remarks would galvanize the base. Now we know you were just blowing smoke up where the sun don’t shine. How about some honesty for a change, bleh.

Luckily, cooler heads prevail:

Dapoppins: Thanks Hugh, for being hopeful and positive, for being encouging instead of rolling over and playing dead. We are not Dems, to threaten to leave the country we love if someone we don’t agree with gets elected, to wear the black of mourning, and to get wildly angry.

No, they are not the Dems to do those things, to do any of the things alluded to in the post using infinitives. One David offers some not-wholly-unsympathetic analysis:

I’m not sure if Hugh really believed the things he was saying the last several days and tonight or whether he was simply what, in the sportscasting world, is called a “homer” – someone who will pump the home team and assure the fans of their inevitable comeback right down until the final seconds of the 62-6 loss….I’m afraid I bought into Hugh’s homerism. I’m disappointed in Hugh because I’m pretty sure he knew he wasn’t being totally up front with us – intellectually dishonest or consciously willing to disregard the truth.

Oh, surely not. But how does ‘the base’ really feel? Let’s ask commenter “Take Back The Government.”

Time to buy that Koran
Everybody get your Koran and Burqas. America’s end is near. Our government is now securely in the hands of Liberal TRAITORS and our borders will be ransacked. Our nation will be overrun with Mexicans and terrorists financed and trained by Chavez and possibly also Daniel Ortega [!–Belle]. What a great time for America to lose the Global War on Terror. The patients are runing the Asylum! God SAVE US! The terrorists will be on CNN and FNC tomorrow celebrating in the streets with DEATH TO AMERICA chants shooting their AK47’s. They will be emboldened by this victory to swell their ranks and step up the slaughter of inocent Americans everywhere ESPECIALLY here in the next 6 months or so after we pull out or troops. It’s over, y’all. Go home, get on your knees, and pray to God for His mercy. Be especially prepared to meet Him soon.

OK, but–

Al Qaeda and Iraq will now have 2 more years to rebuild and step up the Uranium enrichment. I can just hear now the Allahu Akbars. American foreign policy with this President will consist of Condi wearing some really slick fashions and sweet-talking dictators and psychopaths when we should all along have been using cowboy diplomacy.

(Edging away nervously) riiiight, but I was–

I meant Iran not Iraq inthat previous post

Oh, OK then. That makes much more sense. I’m off to go read some Free Republic threads and gloat in an unseemly way.



abb1 11.08.06 at 8:47 am


I guess it is not a total loss.. we still have the senate [or so s/he hopes], and the presidency for the next 2 yrs. we can still carry out our commitment to America and our beloved soldiers.

12 posted on 11/08/2006 5:23:48 AM PST by Cinnamon



chris y 11.08.06 at 9:03 am

Wonkette has a good collection up, if you want to avoid going to FR.


engels 11.08.06 at 9:11 am

We have no choice now, the commie vampire media must be destroyed.


eweininger 11.08.06 at 10:08 am

The silver (azure?) lining around the cloud:

it is a wonderful day for new media, especially talk radio. For two years we have had to defend the Congressional gang that couldn’t shoot straight. Now we get to play offense.

Well all right then.


P O'Neill 11.08.06 at 10:19 am

Actually K-Lo wants Santorum to take Rumsfeld’s job.


Rich B. 11.08.06 at 10:29 am

Here’s what confuses me:

Will the impending free flow of illegal Mexicans over our borders all be forced to convert to Islam and wear a burqa?


Belle Waring 11.08.06 at 10:44 am

rich b: yes they will, after the mandatory gay abortions. but they won’t mind, because mexicans are like 9/10 of the way to islamofascism anyway. communist islamofascism.


Daniel 11.08.06 at 11:02 am

oh you’re so keen on sneering, but I notice that none of you bother to address his arguments. hahaha


milo 11.08.06 at 11:28 am

There were arguments?


Slocum 11.08.06 at 11:34 am

The early signs seem to indicate that “Jane’s Law” holds, namely:

“The devotees of the party in power are smug and arrogant. The devotees of the party out of power are insane.”

The insanity of Hewitt’s commentators is showing.

But it’s probably time to drop the “If It’s Not Close They Can’t Cheat” meme, though, since paranoia should now properly be a Republican trait. (Not to mention that the races determining control of the Senate are close enough that a small bit of cheating obviously would have done the trick).


Steve LaBonne 11.08.06 at 11:39 am

Nice try, slocum, but until the MT and VA recounts are done there is still excellent reason to be on red alert for Rethuglican attempts at cheating.


joe o 11.08.06 at 11:46 am

I was suprised to find out that the classic “Shit Sandwich Surprisingly Tasty; I Give It A B+” was written by a conservative pissed about the Miers nomination and is now under password protection.


eugene 11.08.06 at 12:25 pm

Any truth to the rumors that Daniel Ortega will wed Nancy Pelosi in an Islamic ceremony where embryonic stem cells will be served as hors d’oeuvres?


Meet the Democrats! 11.08.06 at 12:25 pm

Meanwhile, from the other side, check out the comments at my link. IEDs?


Michael Sullivan 11.08.06 at 12:33 pm

eugene/#13: That’s completely ridiculous. As you know, the Democrats are fundamentally opposed to straight marriages.


gregor 11.08.06 at 12:33 pm

This is the funniest line of the day from the Ubermensch boy Jonah Lucianne at the NRO Corner:

If memory serves, the Speaker of the House need not be an elected Representative. I think the Democrats would solidify their image as the real party of change if they put, say, Oprah, Katie Courice, or Carrot Top in there. Gallagher would be good too, he could use the gavel to smash a watermelon at the opening of every proceeding.


kid bitzer 11.08.06 at 12:37 pm

Daniel Ortega and Nancy Pelosi are straight?

Damn. If I’d known that, I *never* would have voted for them.


Ginger Yellow 11.08.06 at 12:44 pm

Al Qaeda is enriching uranium? Where do they keep the centrifuges?


abb1 11.08.06 at 12:50 pm

communist islamofascism

This is a good point. Clearly there is a demand out there to tie all the evildoers into one global anti-American conspiracy – like back in the old good cold-war days when everything was neatly tied together. Moral Clarity.

I think the ministry of information got carried away with the Islamofascists and left Red China, Putin (on his bad day), Chavez, Ortega, Castro, and, of course, the Mexicans – left them just hanging there. Wingnuts need a neat compact package.

Perhaps they are all bankrolled by Opus Dei? Swiss bankers? Freemasons? They all report to CERN? There’s gotta be something…


Jay C 11.08.06 at 12:54 pm

“…because mexicans are like 9/10 of the way to islamofascism anyway. communist islamofascism.”

C’mon Belle… that is SO pre-9/11 thinking!!!!


Sean 11.08.06 at 1:26 pm

Ummm, if Democrats all left the country over six years of GOP-only rule that left the US suffering, who exactly was it that elected all those Democrats yesterday? Disaffected Republicans?


thalarctos 11.08.06 at 2:00 pm

Perhaps they are all bankrolled by Opus Dei? Swiss bankers? Freemasons? They all report to CERN? There’s gotta be something…

CERN! That’s it! The world is secretly run by -drum roll- physicists!


Seth Finkelstein 11.08.06 at 2:51 pm

joe/#12 – it’s been echoed to various places. Here:

Shit Sandwich Suprisingly Tasty; I Give It A B+

I know what you’re thinking: “Why should I try a shit sandwich?” I might have felt the same way a few days ago, but now I’m a believer.

I was chatting with an administration insider over the weekend. During a sidebar in the conversation, it was intimated to me that President Bush’s favorite late-night snack was a “shit sandwich” with tartar sauce on the side. That encouraged me to give it a shot with an open mind. I know the president is intuitive yet discriminating in his choices, and isn’t afraid to go against the conventional wisdom. He also needs a lot of energy to get up early and fight the GWOT each day.

So I tried it. The verdict? Earthy, no-nonsense flavor. The tangy contrast of the tartar sauce is initially off-putting, but like Bush, I’m in this game for the long term. I’ll give it some time to grow on me. It’s easily a B+ snack.

UPDATE: My insider friend just called me again; apparently I misheard his end of the conversation, it was a fish sandwich. Well, that shouldn’t surprise me. In addition to introducing bold new ideas, Bush has always shown an appreciation for the traditional eating values that made this country great in the first place.


kiwiwot 11.08.06 at 3:03 pm

Hi Belle,

Twas your Post’s title that brought me here from memeorandum. Right on!

Funny post, too. Gee, we all need funny for a day or two.



Crissa 11.08.06 at 3:15 pm

Actually, it’s the UN that ties together the communist socialist islamofascism, with their white tanks and hidden signposts in the US ready to roll in once the guns are taken away.

…At least, that’s what the guy with the huge American flag (made in China) that was draggingits tail on the ground behind his truck said.


abb1 11.08.06 at 3:36 pm

Ah, right, of course the UN. I’m so stupid.


stuart 11.08.06 at 4:54 pm

Those sneaky UN people even hid their plans in plain view – if you check it out, they don’t even deny that their HQ is in New York, where they can just walk onto US soil any time they like.


ChristianPinko 11.08.06 at 8:01 pm

I for one welcome our new Islamomexicommuzuelanicarazi overlords.


Ian 11.08.06 at 8:46 pm

Semi-serious question: do people think commenter “Take Back The Government” is for real, or just a prankster trying to start a stampede? Yeah, I know some wingnuttery is receding from our galaxy at speeds satire can’t keep up with. Nonetheless… that final “Iran not Iraq” correction was Pooteresque genius, but it smacked of art. High art.


Steve LaBonne 11.08.06 at 9:22 pm

I for one welcome our new Islamomexicommuzuelanicarazi overlords.

Aw, you’re just in it for the kibbee burritos and the falafel in mole sauce.


Gracchi 11.09.06 at 1:38 am

Great post, I loved the Santorum for supreme Court idea. God whatever next- bring back Thurmond from the grave for Pres with Helms as Secretary of State.


Sarble 11.09.06 at 12:36 pm

In a similar vein, from an ‘Egrow’ on littlegreenfootballs:

There will be a Democratic president elected in 2008. We will be attacked around 2009-2010 with a large scale operation where hundreds of thousands will die.

The Democrats with their elitest attitudes of socialism will call for great self sacrifice.

“Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” Individuality is unimportant. Conformity is a priority.

But by this time all of our technology capacity and military secrets will have been stolen, sold, or drained. We will loose the war against the Mob. America will be thrown to the ground mugged, kicked and beaten, and finally stomped in the face by the boot of facisim until we are dead.

Well, naturally…


Eric H 11.09.06 at 6:07 pm

Rrrriight, I forgot, only Republicans commit election fraud.

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