All You Zombies

by Kieran Healy on January 29, 2009

To be honest, watching the anchors and reporters draaaaaaag out the joke and gnaw it to death makes it clear that the real zombies are holding down well-paying jobs presenting local news. I especially liked the vox pop with the caption “Jane Shin / Drove by sign”.



Colin Danby 01.29.09 at 8:12 pm

Completely irresponsible — when the real zombies turn up in Austin, nobody will take the warnings seriously.


Matthew Kuzma 01.29.09 at 8:50 pm

Amen Colin. This is not a funny prank, not because some people might be inconvenienced by navigating blind through a construction zone (I don’t believe a word about those signs accomplishing anything related to safety) but because you just shouldn’t joke about zombies. Not to mention that “run” is bad advice. You’re better off in your car. All in all these hackers did a great disservice to zombie preparedness in their town.


PSP 01.29.09 at 9:15 pm

Clearly this is disinformation. The government is attempting to cover up a zombie outbreak in Texas.

It probably started last Tuesday.


Western Dave 01.29.09 at 9:27 pm

It probably started last Tuesday.

Right after the shipment of giant pods came in from California.


alkali 01.29.09 at 9:29 pm

The sign also spreads the urban legend that Nazi zombies are worse than other zombies. I don’t care if they were once card-carrying members of the ACLU; if they’re undead and want to eat your brains, they’re bad news.


Jason B. 01.29.09 at 9:51 pm

These people think they’re broadcasting news.

Jesus Christ! The state of Texas is a zombie invasion. And I don’t think running will help. Their dearth of brains knows no obstacle strong enough to keep them from it.


Righteous Bubba 01.29.09 at 10:11 pm

It’s the time of the season for zombies.


Jamie 01.29.09 at 10:39 pm

Nobody would joke about such serious business in Canberra.


Matt Heath 01.29.09 at 10:56 pm

Apparently, it’s disturbing that there are websites telling people how to do this. That there are TV news reports telling people that if they go to Google they can find websites telling them how to do this is, presumably, not disturbing.


Ginger Yellow 01.30.09 at 1:38 am

Surely zombie Nazis are better than other zombies. And I don’t even mean because they’re ubermenschen. It’s axiomatic, is it not, that becoming a zombie is a BAD THING. Hence all those teary scenes with the gun and the two bullets. So surely it’s better for a zombie to be a former Nazi than a former non-Nazi.


matt w 01.30.09 at 3:33 am

Surely underwater Nazi zombies must be the worst…


Kenny Easwaran 01.30.09 at 6:27 am

I did once go to a zombie party in Canberra and it was definitely a hoax – no zombies there at all! (Chalmers suspected as much so he didn’t show up.)


roy belmont 01.30.09 at 7:01 am

“So surely it’s better for a zombie to be a former Nazi… “
Well yes, surely for the zombie it is. That is, for the being which is both the zombie and the person that the zombie was before it was a zombie. Karmically better, I mean.
The larger societal costs though…it may be that losing an active Nazi, as a societal good, will be offset somewhat by the addition to the world of a possibly more efficient than the general run zombie.
We can assume some remnant of the musculature of the pre-zombie must carry over, thus a more fit candidate might yield a more fit and therefore, at least potentially, more societally costly zombie.
In the long run, my feeling is we must all do all we can to prevent the spread of zombiehood as existencestyle choice, the so-called voluntary zombies, those who seek a kind of low immortality among the Undead, as well as campaigning heavily for the penalizing and sanctioning of industrial zombie production, still seen by many as a means toward the acquisition of a very low-cost unskilled labor pool. While at the same time of course respecting the practice and practices of Voudon and its subsidiary congregations.


John Quiggin 01.30.09 at 7:23 am

I actually watched (a fair bit of) the underwater Nazi zombie movie on TV. The TV Guide said it was about “A group of terrorists stranded on a desert island” and I was sufficiently intrigued to switch over to it. Eventually I realised that “terrorists” was a transcription error for “tourists”, but by then Peter Cushing had given the complete exposition of the genesis of the UNZ.

Kenny, how did you determine the absence of (philosophical) zombies? They’re perfectly capable of cocktail party chatter, and only eat your brains if no-one else is looking. Of course, that’s all in the interests of raising the question of whether, if only perceived by a zombie and an about-to-be zombie, it really happened.


PHILOSOPHICAL ZOMBIE 01.30.09 at 9:12 am

qualia… qualia…


Cosma 01.30.09 at 1:34 pm

Thank you, #15, for ruining a perfectly good keyboard.


Grand Moff Texan 01.30.09 at 6:46 pm

They had to break in and hack into the computer to do it.

Yeah, ’cause it takes mad hacker skills to crack “sodom on the colorado.”


Paul 01.31.09 at 3:38 pm

Thank you, #14 (first paragraph), for also ruining a perfectly good keyboard.


Katja 02.01.09 at 11:32 am

Nowegian movie about about Nazi zombies ‘Død snø’. Just out! Explains a lot…


roac 02.02.09 at 7:29 pm

Yes. I was coming here to post Katja’s news. My son told me about it and showed me the trailer.

Comments on this entry are closed.