You Poor Bastards

by Belle Waring on April 16, 2014

OK, my mom texted me earlier that it was snowing in D.C. That is wrecked-up sideways, people. LAND’S SAKES IT IS THE MIDDLE OF APRIL?! In a way I should really post the Weezer song “My Name is Jonas,” because, do you know what else? Guess what I received in a text today–words of deep concern from my little brother. Building’s not going as he planned. The vortex means digging is banned. The dozer will not clear a path; the driver swears he learned his math! The workers are going home–I reckon, because the dirt’s frozen! How’s the man meant to get a cellar dug for his cool 1950s-plan cabin on the lower meadow of his proppity up in West Virginia if it starts snowing and the workers are going home? Now I imagine it’s all going to melt in a trice but this really has been retarding his plans, for real, and not just in a Weezer song (which is an excellent song, but not as good as “Say it Ain’t So,” The Best Weezer Song. Um. OK, no, I’m changing my plea to guilty claim to “The World Has Turned And Left Me Here“). Yep, they have had the stones and the timber and all that, sufficient to build a cabin, and all taken from the woods itself, but they haven’t been able to break ground till last week because they couldn’t break into the damn ground!

And now it’s snowing on all they poor heads, even that of Fatso, the chihuahua-pomeranian mix, who isn’t fat, and was chosen for his mighty endurance and ability to withstand the harsh winters by sitting in a dog bed made of a damn knitting basket or something right up next to the wood stove. I am told that despite being a pom-chi-chi (no, psych, it’s cause he’s 1/4 pom and the rest chi), Fatso has the soul of a black lab, and that I will love him and not think he is a wretched yappy creature whom humans brought into the world only in order to illuminate the First Noble Truth. We’ll see. E’erbody says so, though. Hmmm. OK Fatso, win my heart. He’ll get a chance this summer when I meet him for the first time.

Anyway, for the rest of y’all, here’s DJ Earworm’s Summermash 2013, with the “hey where’s all my ‘Get Lucky’ and ‘Blurred Lines'” you were wondering about I was complaining about with regard to the 2013 mashup (which has grown on me). Watch, listen, and imagine. Summer is coming, sure as anything. If she is delayed in some way I feel certain that small felt and metal figures whose manipulable fingers become dark with smuts over the course of the film will be animated in stop-motion and narrated over by an avuncular zombie Burl Ives in such wise as to overcome any difficulties as may be posed by the Snow Miser or Jim DeMint or whoever.



ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© 04.16.14 at 3:31 pm

Here’s what’s going on in West Virginia.

Mostly it just rained a lot yesterday (no Blood Moon pics, *sniff*) and then got cold. But it’s nice and sunny today, and the cold keeps the gnats from bothering you.


Belle Waring 04.16.14 at 3:37 pm

Oh good. Well then they can keep digging. Pileated woodpecker!


marcel 04.16.14 at 10:34 pm

Here in west central New Hampshire, we had mid 70s (F) on Monday, mid 60s on Tuesday, and enough snow overnight that the grass was covered (but not pavement). Overnight lows in the teens and low 20s the next couple of nights. Finally climbing back into the 60s by the end of next week.


Sasha Clarkson 04.16.14 at 10:57 pm

Here in West Wales, we haven’t had a winter at all: just a long wet windy autumn which lasted until spring. No more than four mild frosts since October.

For the first time in 31 years, my sweet pea plants didn’t die off, or even back, and are about to burst in to bloom again soon!


Luke 04.16.14 at 11:28 pm

Pom-chi-chi-chi, surely.


christian_h 04.17.14 at 2:25 am

Sunny and warm, but not hot in l.A. Don’t know what people are complaining about.


Peter Hovde 04.17.14 at 2:32 pm

No worries, soon enough we’ll be singing this:


Skip Intro 04.17.14 at 5:17 pm

I’m just glad you finally arrived at the actual best Weezer song. “Across the Sea” is a close runner-up.


rustypleb 04.18.14 at 1:17 am

The surf is up and has been all winter. Big waves. High frequency. Tall crests and deep troughs. The downslope of the wave has come over @ Chicago all winter. They’ve been crushed. The trough has centered roughly near Apalachicola, with cold waves riding up the east coast all winter. Juneau, Kodiak Peninsula, Aleutians and possibly Nome have been warmer than coastal NC pretty much all winter. West VA can catch it both ways; coming down or going up. I’m gonna figure out how to ride da kine wave. Hang 10 brah. There is no bad weather, only improper clothing.


Meredith 04.19.14 at 5:54 am

Well, just when we thought the snow was finally gone (Mon in the 60’s), Tues night brought snow, which still clings at some spots (now Thurs night). (Of course, ice clings to the hillside cliffs carved by road-builders — that cliff ice is always very stubborn.) It’s called spring, here in New England. We haven’t seen one of these proper springs in a while. Not that this says global warming has been reversed, miraculously. Obviously not. Still, I’m finding it oddly comforting that we actually had a winter this year and that spring is acting like (our version of) spring.

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