OK guys, here’s the deal. Last night I had a decently long dream in which Vishnu appeared to me personally, blue but golden with godly light and so on, to explain to me that he was real, and that I should worship him but not necessarily his avatars, more just him, (though I objected that Rama and Krishna are more approachable). And further that he was indeed the Mahavishnu, i.e. supreme deity, like, the Trimurti is a heresy and he and Brahma and Shiva are not coequal in a tripartite god relationship. Also, I should brush up on my Sanskrit so I could read devotional texts. I vaguely agreed, I mean, he’s an incomprehensible being of supreme power. So far so good. But then I woke up.
And I went to tell my mom, ‘you will not believe the dream I had last night, this is so crazy, my dreams are wilding out, should I start worshipping Vishnu? Because this is crazy.’ And in the gauzy spiderweb in the bitter-smelling boxwood outside the window I saw the outline of a bird, as if one had flown darting onto it and then vanished, and that’s when I remembered my mother has been dead for years now. At that point I turned to her, because I always love to see her like this, and hugged her once until she fell through my arms, and then I woke up, in the smallest bedroom of my house, where I have been staying with my sister. There is a big tree out the window beside the bed here, and a loud window A/C unit there partially blocking the view, but you can see it, the blue of the morning sky almost just the same as the blue paint in the room, which is tiled with paintings and photographs. Bishop Johnathan Mayhew Wainwright is a little forbidding there at the bottom of the bed.
The bird thing is a tell, it’s my brain’s way of warning me its a dream. It’s disturbing but satisfying. I caught you! The worst is when I see the bird dive down into the bracken and leave only the gauze image of itself behind, a cocoon, that’s frightening even if its helpful. Awful in a way I can’t describe. The other way is to look into a mirror, because the dream lags or gets confused and the correct items are not reflected. You can’t see the clothes cabinet in mom’s old bedroom at her father’s house in East Hampton from the bathroom mirror! You’re meant to see the tiles and the tub, the shower curtain with blue coral on it and shells. I’ve got you! Though I can’t ever see it again except like this in a dream, because someone else owns the house now.
Now it’s my general feeling that a dream within a dream is less compelling than a normal dream. Less reliable. And the truth is, I would have to have this dream three times before I started worrying about it. Then it might be serious. I’m not really worried that I need to start worshipping Vishnu–though, no hate, cool god, S-tier avatars. But would you, in my position, think you had newfound religious obligations? I really can’t emphasise enough how spectacular and moving it was. My face was wet with tears when I woke up, though I did hug my mom. I have a family member who had a similar experience with actual Jesus, but maybe because of a concussion? Very Dostoyevsky, ‘I personally love you like my only child; I would sacrifice myself again even if you alone were saved’ kind of thing. She did not become a Christian, though. I had always thought, girl, you should become a Christian. But then, shouldn’t I also, by proxy? Now I see her point. You guys should vote in comments about whether I need to start going to what I recall is a temple to Rama maybe 2 km from my apartment. An altar with marigolds and rice balls would be pretty low-key I guess. It’s not a conversion religion, so it wouldn’t be like if I went to talk to Mormons, or Muslims, but I feel like people would be welcoming after I explained the situation. (Once I invited the Mormons in when they knocked, gave them ginger ale, and then gave them a hard time about inconsistencies in the Book of Mormon and how a failure to understand the English of the KJV had led to endless solecisms. I had read it for this eventual purpose, and because I was curious.) But anyway this is a reincarnation religion, I can just catch Vishnu on the flip side.
{ 17 comments }
Typhoon Jim 08.28.24 at 11:11 pm
The recurrence of the blue elements is a theme worth considering. Certainly you’re being linked to some consistent thing from your personal catalog of what’s important.
CDT 08.28.24 at 11:32 pm
I think not. Too much jealous god energy there.
Alan White 08.29.24 at 2:27 am
Belle–your confessional soul always shows, where some of my favorite poets like Lowell dwell. I saw him him just before he died in ’77 while at Tennessee–Knoxville, reading “Skunk Hour” dedicated to Bishop, saying “I’m thoroughly sick of it.” It was not confessional enough I guess, or he was confessing he was tired of fame garnered through confession. Later there I heard a drunk Tennessee Williams more or less say much the same. (That night an attendee fainted in the waiting line, falling and severely injuring his head–I cannot ever forget the large pool of blood that gathered quickly behind it. It seemed a fitting tribute to who I was about to hear).
Brains do not control dreams at night except in the most basal psycho-physiological ways. I think they mean only that we are weather systems of ideas, and proportional to what category of storms we are during the day–you are always a 5. I vote to ignore it.
I’m scholarly schooled in Christianity and read most of the Greek New Testament as written. I always greeted door-knocking evangelists with one simple question: X sect was here before your presentation of your Y–why was X wrong? Do you know who wrote the Gospels? (Answer: no one does.) Why did Judas die two ways? Etc. All left my porch soon. Nothing beats knowing the truth of the ambiguity of western religion. Yeah, love the Mormons. Like the Christians never invented over-layering a preexisting religious text.
We got here by accident and survive and perish by it. What we need at most is the gift of enjoyment of what we might have. My wish is that you have the utmost of that gift–you deserve it by dint of artistic self-reflection.
KT2 08.29.24 at 3:49 am
“this is a reincarnation religion, I can just catch Vishnu on the flip side.”
I vote you attend Belle. The corpus colosum boost will engage blissful serendipity towards your thoughts and images bank, furrther enabling (!) your hyper speed writing. And as Alan White said serenely, I too… “My wish is that you have the utmost of that gift–you deserve it by dint of artistic self-reflection.”. Thanks.
But only for 84 seconds within the 48 minite window. As you are busy, to avoid waste or negativity. And to bias your potential dreams, and to prepare for your meetng with “Vishnu on the flip side.
“… These 84 seconds are believed to be the most sacred of the 48-minute ‘Abhijeet muhurat’ which occurs once every day between sunrise and sunset.
https://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/what-is-ram-mandir-pran-pratishthas-abhijeet-muhurat-which-will-last-84-seconds-101705901568681.html
Though do beware of big temples, and false gods.
MisterMr 08.29.24 at 6:03 am
Ranma > Rama
MisterMr 08.29.24 at 6:26 am
A more serious answer:
I’m an atheist and I think religions are projections of our unconscious, and this includes dreams of Vishnu.
However if you feel for real that you had a revelation of sorts, you should pursue this interest, perhaps meeting other Vishnu believers, otherwise your unconscious side will not be satisfied. This, while keeping in mind that it is probably just your unconscious.
Jim Buck 08.29.24 at 7:38 am
I amuse myself with the idea that the recent proximity of the moon to the earth has vivified our dreams for a while. The other night I dreamt of a deceased friend who is 23 years dead now: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rob_Dawber
Last time I dreamt of him–don’t know how long ago, more than a decade certainly–he was marching with a throng of protesters along a dusty, sunny thoroughfare in some European city. He saw me with the bystanders, looking, and broke off to talk. He told me that, since he could no longer deny an afterlife, he accepted also the existence of some kind of divine governance of it. So, he was now a Lutheran and was marching in protest with other Lutherans. About what, he did not say. Physically, he seemed to me, the usual rangy intense man he had been in life.
In my dream of him the other night, Rob and I were sitting in a confined space, maybe in the cab of the railway lorry he used to drive us about in. Physically, he appeared how he was in his flourishing prime, but infused with an immanent beauty and permanence that was never apparent when he was running about here.
Maybe it was Vishnu pretending to be Rob, or maybe the other other way about?
Matt 08.29.24 at 8:41 am
I’m not really worried that I need to start worshipping Vishnu
I might ask, would you get a cool membership card? Discounts on anything you’d like? Access to a neat lounge at the airport? Drink specials? If yes to any of those, maybe it’s worth it. If not, well, maybe not.
SusanC 08.29.24 at 8:53 am
I would consider dreams within dreams to have the same status as dreams.
Now, sometimes the way I perform tsok (vajrayana Buddhist ritual) is a little idiosyncractic, because I did it that way in a dream once.
But one ought to observe a little caution before making major changes based on a dream vision.
Your dream makes me wonder: can I marry a tree? (You’re actually getting married to Vishnu, of course), I suspect I’m too old to be eligible, for at least one reason.
SusanC 08.29.24 at 9:14 am
When encountering missionaries, I have a terrible habit of pretending to be a believer in a wacky heresy…
[I explain a really strong version of anti-realism, with added Nagarjuna influence]
Christian Missionary: You mean, like in the movie The Matrix?
Me: Yes, that’s right, like in The Matrix
[Proceeds to explain further]
John Holbo 08.29.24 at 10:16 am
Reader, I married her! But I’m not converting based on a dream.
Kenny Easwaran 08.29.24 at 8:45 pm
Re: Matt and 8, asking about airline lounges – I believe that Vishnu gets to ride Garuda for free (though the wikipedia page for the current airline doesn’t indicate any such benefits for general vaishnavites: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garuda_Indonesia ).
marcel proust 08.30.24 at 1:52 am
My face was wet with tears when I woke up, though I did hug my mom.
This was when you awoke from the dream within a dream, right, not when you actually awoke in real life? Just checking to see that I understand correctly.
So long as you don’t next start proselytizing in my neighborhood, I’m fine with your going to the temple. I would hope that it doesn’t strain relations within your family
If you’re going to start working an airport somewhere, let me know so that I can keep an eye out for you if I’m ever in your airport. I’ll introduce myself as a long-time admirer of your CT posts (especially your rants, which are among the best in that category that I’ve ever come across).
Glad to see you back. You’ve been too long a stranger around these parts.
John Q 08.30.24 at 10:34 am
I used to give Mormons and (more common in Oz) JWs a hard time. Then I was in a relationship with a woman who briefly joined a Trotskyist sect and had to sell the paper, which she (like nearly everyone) hated doing. After that, I take the copy of The Watchtower and send them on their way, able to report a possible convert.
Mike Huben 08.30.24 at 12:29 pm
I live in Ecuador, and when some JW’s came to my doorway, I explained (in my very limited Spanish) that I was an atheist. When they left, I bade them farewell with “Vaya sin Dios.” They turned around puzzled: “Don’t you mean ‘Vaya con Dios?'” No, I explained, I’m an atheist.
SusanC 08.30.24 at 4:07 pm
The thing about missionaries is that often, they have a deep anxiety that the credo they’re peddling might be nonsense. They’ve probably thought about the holes in their particular theology way more than you – the person they’re trying to convert – has. With the right questions, they can probably be induced to tell you.
Now, of course, many members of Starmerite Labour have deep misgivings about Starmer, but may be reluctant to tell you that for fear of being expelled from the party if they say what they actually think. Good game.
JimV 08.31.24 at 10:16 pm
An old friend of mine, a fellow first-time worker in the bowels of the GE Large Steam Turbine and Generator Department, became bipolar at around age 29 or 30. Lost his then job as a Program Manager for Honeywell (to whom GE had sold its mainframe computer business), was divorced by his wife, etc. He told me he sees devils “every night” and once saw the Christian God debate the Christian Devil and prove that every word of the Bible was true.
That seems like one of the worst tragedies possible, when your own mind tells you lies.
Not saying yours does–just that it reminded me of Ron. I guess it is the opposite of the George Costanza saying: it’s only a lie if you believe it.
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