I write fan fiction for you!

by Ted on December 3, 2003

That could have gone better, reflected the defendant. The pictures were all over the internet, and he had all but admitted on the stand that he was the only one who could have taken them. The trial had turned into a media circus, and the press was ready to hang him.

The judge came out of his chambers after only a few hours’ deliberation. No one could have predicted what would happen next.

“Will the defendant please rise”, called the bailiff. This is it, I’m done for, thought the defendant.

The judge spoke. “You have been accused of breaking and entering in order to photograph the plaintiff while sleeping. Furthermore, without her permission, you posted those pictures on your personal website. Several witnesses saw you leaving her house on the night that the photos were posted, and you have admitted that you are the only person with access to your camera, or to your website.

“Normally, these would be serious offenses.

“However, we must consider all the circumstances in this case. The plaintiff in this case has admitted to posing for a number of pictures which are unmistakably date-stamped as occurring after the break-in. In fact, several of these photos were for stories about this very case.

“If the plaintiff was truly interested in her privacy, it is clear that she would not have made this choice. Sorry, missy—if you’re really interested in privacy, you don’t do this sort of thing. Unless, perhaps, you’re a self-promoter first, and a victim second.

“I therefore pronounce this case bogus. You’re free to go.”

The judge was mobbed by reporters as he tried to retire to his chambers. One reporter managed to break past the struggling bailiff and ask, “Your Honor, you attended the University of Tennessee law school, am I correct?”

{ 8 comments }

1

laura 12.03.03 at 7:57 pm

hee hee.

2

David W. 12.03.03 at 10:03 pm

“I write fan fiction for you!”

Indeed.

3

Randy Paul 12.03.03 at 10:50 pm

Indeed. Heh. Read the whole thing.

4

matt weiner 12.04.03 at 2:05 am

Blam!

5

Andrew Northrup 12.04.03 at 6:03 am

The analogy would be better if the judge discovered this fatal flaw in the case after spending the entire trial claiming that the case was way too confusing for him to rule on, and yet had repeatedly proceeded to rule it “bogus” on similar vaporous grounds before the final grand dismissal.

6

roy edroso 12.04.03 at 4:05 pm

My enjoyment was only dampened by the horrifying notion of Glenn Reynolds as a judge.

Please swear to me that It Can’t Happen Here!

7

ahem 12.04.03 at 11:11 pm

the horrifying notion of Glenn Reynolds as a judge.

Heh. Indeed. Read the whole thing.

8

the talking dog 12.07.03 at 11:54 pm

That’s great. I’m pretty sure that thanks to Bob Novak, HER career as an undercover spy is pretty much over and has been for months, and everybody she dealt with over the years in various foreign countries whose work was quite literally securing intelligence for the United States against fucking WMD proliferation have been duly compromised as well, and many of their careers, if not lives, are over.

The cat’s out of the bag. I read the damned Vanity Fair article– other than confirmation of Plame’s non-official cover status (which in my view means that Novak should be indicted, and certainly incarcerated unless he gives up his sources), there was nothing I hadn’t fucking learned LAST JULY, when Kleiman and Calpundit and BLOGGERS ran with this, but the big time press couldn’t be bothered.

Reynolds can go to hell for this horseshit. Man, these guys will do ANYTHING to root for the home team.

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