What parents want their kids to be like.

Non-parricidality?

Revenue potential?

;^)

intellectually curious, honest, kind–in that order.

of course, I happen to think that Socrates was on to something with his identity of the virtues line of questioning–so, I think if you aim high for one virtue, you’ll get the rest (if you’re paying attention && exceptionally lucky).

Kindness and good judgment ought to cover the Socratic waterfront, Joel (though not each other). But I want my children to have more than one virtue…

In all seriousness, what joel turnipseed said and in the same order too though I’d put vivian’s suggestion of good judgement in there somewhere- maybe have it come second.

A triad of critical thinking, good judgment, and responsibility. The combination of these three should entail the other important ones (honesty, consideration of others, etc.). The one I couldn’t care less about is “act like his/her sex”. It is heartening to see that, even back in the 1973-1983 period of the GSS data, that dubious virtue ranked so low.

Happiness.

Yes, I know this doesn’t sound anything like the more *moral* items others have mentioned, but I believe that if one is truly happy, it is easier to be virtuous.

Honesty is first because parenting is impossible without trust. The responding parents are not answering with the quality that they value in their children with respect to the world at large; they are telling you what they need from their children in order to be good parents.

Apparently many CT readers value a gift for sarcasm quite highly …

i don’t think i can really narrow it down to one thing, so maybe i’ll cite something that’s really a whole bundle of things: joy. i want my kids to grow up with a capacity for joy – which means that they must have hope, fortitude, a sense of humor, love for themselves and for others, and something to feel passionate about. i agree with Harry that kindness is essential, but i think kindness is a byproduct of joy – so i’ll wish for one in hopes of getting both!

Dear me. I don’t know about your species, but my species is a k-strategist. I would like to have one or more grandchildren someday, but let’s not go overboard.

As a parent, my highest aspiration is for my children to be able to understand who they are and the world they live in (including all the ugly parts, of course), so that they can chose for themselves how to live their lives. Hence, being lucid is the single quality I value most. There are others, obviously, but this one would be the cornerstone.

Old Bernard Levin quote which was picked up by Bernard Weatherill when he retired as Speaker. What would you like on your tombstone: “He always kept his word” (honesty) or “He always acted from the best intentions” (kindness)?

Both plumped for the former although I’m aware that those two may not be figures greatly associated with the CT world view.

Some further questions:
What is the ratio of responses (on CT) based on actual parentage cf. people who are projecting their ideas into the future? It would be interesting to see how responses aggregate in each group. Let’s extend parentage to include involvement with the children of close relatives and friends. Let’s say parentage includes those people who are closely involved with kids even though they don’t have a direct and long-term responsibility for them, e.g. your neices, nephews, neighbour’s kids, pupils, ….

Where was the 1973-1983 response developed? The US? Some other Anglophone country?
I can imagine that the list of traits was shaped partly in response to perceptions about the wider culture. Hence, honesty may have come up large in relation to thinking about Richard Nixon and Watergate conspirators. It’s easy to imagine that a list made today would have a very different cast. Would bravery and self-sacrifice be on the list? Ruthlessness and self-preservation?

Here’s the list from the pie chart. Would be nice to see more about the source of this data:

is a good student; has good manners; tries hard to succeed; is honest; is clean and neat; has good sense and judgement; has self-control; acts like his/her sex; gets along well with other children; obeys parents well; is responsible; is considerate of others; is interested in how and why things happen.

Lastly, my own response. In relation to the kids in my care, I value a certain kind of independence. I really hate to see kids stifled by their parents, kids screwed up by their parent’s prejudices and destructive habits. So I am always looking for evidence to see that kids are developing an independent sense of self. I also want to see a capacity for joy, as in joie de vivre. What good is life if you cannot love it? But I want to see that in everyone!

My son is eleven.

The funny thing is, if you just ask me the question, when he’s not here, the first thing that pops into my head is honesty. But then I thought about it, and the virtues I’m most proud of him for in practice day-to-day are his empathy and his kindness. When he treats someone else well, particularly when it’s difficult to do so, or when he sticks up for someone others are not treating well, I glow with pride. (All that pride is pretty funny in a comment about virtues).

So I pick kindness.

I like honesty, sure.

Curiosity and imagination would rank high on my list.

“Courage of their convictions”, e.g., a kid who will stand up for themselves when they think they’re right, combined with a dose of humility, so they’ll also admit when they’re wrong.

Empathy up to the point where it inhibits courage or decisiveness (and no further).

My son is days away from turning five, and while he is good-hearted, generally honest and as smart and curious as you could hope for, the quality he has that brings me the most delight is his sharp and generous sense of humor.

If he keeps being that funny, he’ll go far.

Real big biceps.

A sense of curiosity which seriously exceeds average… kindness and honesty will then take care of themselves…

I wanted my son to be honest, fair, and considerate of others, and he is. I now wish I had raised him to be somewhat more arrogant, competitive, and greedy, because nice guys often do finish last.

Hyperbolic, yes, but I mean that.

The data reported in the link looks like it was derived from the type of survey that Mel Kohn used to field back in the 60s and 70s. Kohn argued that SES and social class could explain childrearing values as a result of the differential work conditions people experienced (i.e. variation in “intellectual flexibility”, authority or lack thereof on the job, etc.) He would present parents with a set of child characteristics similar to this one, and then ask them to rank them or to rate each one in terms of the importance it had for them. The responses would then be analyzed for underlying patterns, and these would then be correlated with measures of the respondents’ working conditions.

The results were generally quite confirmatory. But I leave it to others to speculate about the working conditions of your typical CT commentator.

A small aside: I do recall Kohn mentioning at some point that you get rather different answers to this sort of question if it’s phrased in terms of “a child” as opposed to “your child”.

Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, Reverent.

Geez, all the good ones are taken. How about “stylish”?

Actually, at this point, I’d settle for “potty trained.”

eweininger, thanks for that. I did wonder – but then forgot – if this was a canned list of criteria. In that case I would suspect the results of being skewed in favour of the least obnoxious option.

Interesting that the rule is “a single quality”. I suppose that wishing one’s children were multi-dimensional would violate the rule?

Interesting, too, that so few commenters have confined themselves to one quality.

Perhaps that reflects the nature of our language, through which we sub-specialize our humanness into lesser definitions, none of which sufficiently captures “the quality” we try to describe.

I had only three rules for my children to follow; I could not further reduce the rules without sacrificing clarity or intent.

I don’t think that I possess a vocabulary rich enough to condense into one quality that which I wish for my children.

I did wonder – but then forgot – if this was a canned list of criteria. In that case I would suspect the results of being skewed in favour of the least obnoxious option.

Indeed, though I suspect that “obnoxious” can mean different things to different parents.

One of Kohn’s arguments was that certain ways of ranking or prioritizing these sorts of characteristics reflected an underlying parental valuation of “self-direction” while others reflected a valuation of “conformity to external authority”. Notice that while “honesty” is the big winner in the linked data, “obeys” is up there; as is “good sense and judgement”.

But that said, you can put me down for “not obnoxious” too.

Critical thinking. The others are second-order effects.