“And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit.
“And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power.
“And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads.
“And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.
“And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.”
My favorite from the google search was, “When squeegees are outlawed, only outlaws will have squeegees”. I guess I could probably live with that, so long as some of those outlaws hang out at the gas station and clean the windows of cars.
“And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man…
You left out the part where it specifies “in the ass.”
{ 20 comments }
TheDeadlyShoe 04.20.06 at 11:42 am
My mind is blown!
otto 04.20.06 at 12:04 pm
BTW, when are we going to see the CT bumperstickers, t-shirts etc?
Anderson 04.20.06 at 12:32 pm
A Jello Biafra spoken-word album, it appears.
Google yields where to buy the sticker. I’ll have to put it next to my “Who Would Jesus Torture?” sticker.
bi 04.20.06 at 1:30 pm
Heh, I just did a stupid graphic:
http://fzort.org/bi/pic/buxom.gif
saurabh 04.20.06 at 2:36 pm
The google results for the search “are-outlawed only-outlaws” are pretty entertaining.
rea 04.20.06 at 6:23 pm
“my “Who Would Jesus Torture?†sticker”
Well, actually:
“And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit.
“And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power.
“And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads.
“And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.
“And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.”
Robin 04.20.06 at 7:19 pm
My favorite recent bumper sticker: “I Miss Clinton”
Matt 04.20.06 at 9:41 pm
My favorite from the google search was, “When squeegees are outlawed, only outlaws will have squeegees”. I guess I could probably live with that, so long as some of those outlaws hang out at the gas station and clean the windows of cars.
bad Jim 04.21.06 at 4:50 am
The only good form of this joke is the sort that subverts it, like “When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws” &c.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
aaron 04.21.06 at 4:52 am
That’s good.
mordechai finegold 04.21.06 at 5:17 am
My favorite recent bumper sticker: “I Miss Clintonâ€
I see: an illiterate statement by one of Bill’s illegitimate daughters: “I am Miss Clinton.”
amateur 04.21.06 at 6:26 am
Wouldn’t it be “if evolution is outlawed, we all will be outlaws?”
James Wimberley 04.21.06 at 9:02 am
Ad 2 and 6: CT could also market a “seal of God” forehead sticker.
Barry Freed 04.21.06 at 11:47 am
“And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man…
You left out the part where it specifies “in the ass.”
nati 04.22.06 at 9:58 pm
Thinking that a THEORY is a fact should be outlawed.
bi 04.23.06 at 12:57 pm
nati: Ooh, perspicacious. But I thought Darwinism is a “philosophy”, not a “theory”? Never mind.
nati 04.24.06 at 6:14 pm
Darwinism is a theory that too many people have mistaken for a philosophy.
nati 04.24.06 at 6:25 pm
Correction: It is a theory that too many people have mistaken for a true historical fact wether they use it as a philosophy or not.
occidental_martyr 04.25.06 at 3:56 am
Please nati, learn what a scientific theory is (hint: The theory of evolution explains the fact of evolution).
Anderson 04.25.06 at 11:03 am
Rea reminds us why the canonicity of Revelation was disputed for so long–not long enough, IMHO.
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