This classic piece of New York Times Style Section trolling on “Hipsturbia” wrestles with the bitter fact that while “Brooklyn no longer feels as carefree as it did”, to “pull up stakes in Brooklyn … one has to make peace with the idea that a certain New York adventure is over”. The hipsters flee to the suburbs, but of course not just any sort of suburb: ‘“Hastings-on-Hudson is a village, in a Wittgensteinian sort of way,” Mr. Wallach said.’ The mind boggles. Although penetrating Mr Wallach’s private language is perhaps impossible and almost certainly inadvisable, to show the fly out of the fly bottle we here present the …
Top Ten Ways that Hastings-on-Hudson might be a Village in a Wittgensteinian Sense
- It is filled with very rich people affecting to be quite poor people.
- It’s located in a Remote Part of Norway.
- If a lion could live in this village, we would not be able to find it a decent duplex. Maybe a condo.
- The HOAs are unbelievably picky about exterior paintwork, door design, and appropriate methods of kite-flying.
- The configuration of the objects forms the atomic fact. In the atomic fact objects hang one in another, like the members of a chain. However, hanging laundry on chains at any time is absolutely forbidden.
- Cutting-edge methods of elementary school instruction designed to enhance discipline, focus, and respect.
- A property is internal if it is unthinkable that its object does not possess it, and is located inside the line demarcated on the relevant county plat map page.
- Feeding the duckrabbits is forbidden by local ordinance.
- Whereof we cannot speak, thereof we must be silent after 10pm except on public holidays.
- Slightly distressing sense of family resemblance amongst everyone you meet.