Friday fun thread

For your tireless service on behalf of good

I don’t know what good is, but good isn’t getting rid of D. Boon. Redding for Jagger would go down with Steve Finlay and Curt Shilling for Glenn Davis as one of the greatest trades ever made.

Kevin Coyne for Jim Morrison in the Doors.

Never liked the Doors till I heard that they invited Coyne to replace Morrison after the latter’s death. But, is this true? Can it be? I can believe he turned it down.

I would replace Chris Cutler the lyricist with Peter Blegvad, while retaining him as drummer, in any project to which Cutler has contributed lyrics ever.

Black Sabbath — replace Ozzy with Tiny Tim

Believe me, if they could get Matthew Yglesias, they’d trade in a heartbeat.

replace Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth with Kim Deal of the Pixies.

replace Phil Collins of Genesis with Peter Gabriel.

Replace every member of every 80’s hair metal band with Led Zeppelin and be done with it.

Replace every pop diva’s voice with that of Tom Waits (or, in some cases, Louis Armstrong).

Replace Paul Schaeffer with Little Richard.

Replace the Replacements with the Place Mats.

Replace every artist at the very pinnacle of their success with me.

Jethro Tull (1995-today’s lineup): Replace Doane Perry (drummer) and Jonathan Noyce (bassist) with Dave Mattacks and Danny Thompson, so that instead of trying to recapture their old rock style they can go into their final years making great acoustic records.
Or don’t, but for goodness’ sake replace Jonathan Noyce anyway.

I’d leave Bob Dylan the songwriter and replace Bob Dylan the singer with
Sam Cooke.

Or a bag full of cats being beaten by a stick. Anything would sound better than Dylan.

Replace Keith Relf in the Yardbirds with just about anybody – Sir John Johns maybe, but keep both Beck and Page at the same time.

An add Rod Stewart to Television and let Tom focus on guitar playing. “I remember, Maggie, how the darkness doubled…”

-john

Nirvana — replace Kurt Cobain with Darryl Hall

Re-form the Sugarcubes. Get rid of that horrid male rap/vocalist (what was his name again?). Replace him with any halfway decent male rapper OR singer. Instant success.

Replace Big Brother and the Holding Company with a backup band with more talent. Pretty much any random assortment of noise-makers would do the trick: Meg White on drums, Elvis Costello on guitar, a high school marching band, John’s bag full of cats being beaten by a stick…

Replace Sterling Morrison with Brian Wilson… that’d be interesting.

And replace Tina Weymouth’s ego with Tina Turner’s.

Replace the bullets that killed Biggie with flowers.

Replace Oasis.

Not with anyone in particular. Just replace them.

Replace about 90% of guitar players with a Marc Ribot/Joey Santiago duet.

[The Daryl Hall/Kurt Cobain swap is inspired in a sick way…]

Ringo Starr with Pete Best

Come to think of it. might as well just replace all of The Strokes with:

1) Ashton & Ronson on guitar.
2) Brendan Canty of Fugazi on drums.
3) Neil Michael Hagerty of Royal Trux on bass.
4) Mark E. Smith of The Fall for vocals.

The Who could have surpassed the Rolling Stones if they had replaced the thoroughly mediocre Peter Townshend with Dave Davies of The Kinks

Replace J Mascis (vocalist and songwriter) of Dinosaur Jr with Paul Westerberg.

Replace Bob Stinson (lead guitar) of the Replacements with J Mascis.

Replace Grant Hart of Husker Du with Dale Crover of the Melvins. Let Bob Mould write all of the songs.

Oops repost due to typos, probably some still there though:

Upon Minister of Information Professor Griff’s departure from Public Enemy, a propagandist of another color, red, is added to the group: Billy Bragg.

Henry Rollins departs Black Flag soon after Damaged is released and Keith Morris returns to the group after the Circle Jerks release Golden Shower of Hits. Henry Rollins obtains a position teaching as resident poet in the English department at some unknown college in the American midwest and is never heard from again.

Replace Linda McCartney of Paul McCartney and Wings with any one of the Spice Girls. Rotate Spice Girl on a bi-monthly basis. No, it won’t make the music suck any less but ask yourself, how could it possibly make it any worse?

A time machine could place the Tom Waits of Swordfishtrombones era with the Captain Beefheart of Trout Mask Replica and vice versa and then each cut a version of the other’s albums, but then they must return to their own times and give us the beauties that we know and love.

I would replace Mick Jones and Joe Strummer with doppelgangers from alternate reality universes. The dopplegangers will be the same as those they replace in every single respect except they will have the integrity, dignity, and respect of self and fans not to sell “London Calling” for a fucking Jaguar advertisement (and therefore I will be able to mourn Strummer’s untimely death as I have Joey and Dee Dee and yes, Johnny’s too.)

After Santiago Durango’s departure for law school, Andy Gill replaces him as Big Black’s second guitarist (ching).

The suggestions above concerning D.Boon of the Minutemen and Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers are rank heresies. Go now and do penance by playing the first 3 Stooges albums in non-stop rotation until you see the error of your ways.

In Guns N’ Roses, can I replace Axl Rose’s personality with someone reasonable and keep his singing?

And what’s all this replacing Meg White — if you’re going to replace someone in the White Stripes, put in someone who can actually sing in place of Jack.

Replace Mike Love of the mid-60’s Beach Boys with someone who’s less of an asshole.

Replace D. Boon? With Mike Patton! Sacrilege!

But sweet Jesus, I will do a thousand Hail Marys if you will just replace the Dave Matthews Band. Completely.

Oh, and I meant to say, replace Alison Krauss (as a singer — she can keep playing the fiddle) with a number of other people, depending on what you needed: Kasey Chambers, Natalie Maines, Cassie Franklin, Emmylou Harris, Fiona McBain, Amy Helm. (I realize this list leans toward altos rather than sopranos, which may be part of my problem with AK’s singing to begin with.)

Oh, and replace Ted’s replacement of MF Doom (MC) with Rakim with Saul Kripke.

Replace D. Boon w/ Mike Patton?!!? A more horrifying idea I could not imagine.

But in the spirit of things replace any of the (might as well be) anonymous guitar players from those early 70’s Miles Davis electric LPs with Sonny Sharrock.

Replace both singers of Fugazi with very passionate robots. Guy and Ian can still play guitar tho.

Replace guitarist Larry LaLonde from Primus with Steve Albini.

Do not replace D. Boone. Period.

Replace the Beatles with CCR

Replace the Grateful Dud with the Monkees.

Replace Mick Jones with another Mick Jones (no, not the one from Foreigner) with one who won’t just walk away from the band.

Replace Hank Williams Jr. with Sr.

Replace Breeder Kelly Deal with Juliana Hatfield. Put Kelly Deal someplace with a strong lock and no musical instruments.

Replace Michael Stipe of today, with mumbly joe of yesteryear. I liked him better when I didn’t actually know what he was thinking.

Replace Leonard Cohen’s back-up singers with bald girl-children clones of Sinead O’Connor And slit the throat of person who arranged the actual backup singing. Even if it’s Leonard himself.

Yeah, Mark is a man after my own heart, although, I might’ve, might’ve I say, replaced Mick Jones with Mick Ronson circa Ziggy Stardust, and I kinda like “family tradition.” Also too, for sure, John Fogerty kicks the shit out of that panty-waste John Lennon, but the Beatles did make possible the great tribute by the, um, Meatmen, “One Down, Three to Go,” featured on their classic “We’re the Meatmen, and you suck” album–also featuring such gems as “Becoming a man (Freud was wrong)” the ireverant “Crippled children suck,” “TSOL are sissies,” etc. And I think I would just replace the Grateful Dweebs with Boyce and Hart themselves.

Anyhoo, I’ve pondered and gotten some advice on this compelling and troubling D.Boon issue, and we decided that if anyway it could be to replace D. Boon, possibly, it would have to be with the guitar genius Tim Kerr of Big Boys (staying in the early ’80s SST family) fame, and later Poison13–the best band ever from Texas…of the rockin’ covers of Mose Allison’s “Parchman Farm,” the Cramps’ (huh, huh) “Strange Movies,” Sonics, Willie Dixon, a little known but awesome band called the Pleasure Seekers, etc., on this SubPop remaster, which people should buy, since, as I say, it is the best band ever from Texas, and good rock’n’roll and not the lameass Wilco/No Depression “we’re so ironic” crap.

Raplace Hank Jr with Hank III.

Replace Kenny Jones with BJ Wilson or Micky Waller, or Hunt Sales.

Replace Bill Wyman with John Entwistle.

Replace Ray Manzarek with McCoy Tyner.

Replace Sandie Shaw with Lorraine Ellison.

I can’t believe that this is the thread that finally got me posting on CT… and I REALLY can’t believe that you think that replacing MF DOOM with Rakim is a good idea.

Rakim is a good MC, smooth flow, nice rhymes, etc, but by modern standards he’s not a great MC. DOOM brings a superior flow, greater lyrical complexity and just a plain ol’ sense of humour.

So let’s hear no more of this nonsense. I’ll vote for replacing any of the Beastie Boys with any other MC in the world ever, though, especially on their most recent album.

Looking at most of the sagacity in this thread, I’m thankful the gods were so stingy with the reality-warping superpowers ;}

Put Nick Drake in front of a rock band so that he learns the thrill of performing to an audience and doesn’t sink into a spiral of depression.

Replace Kraftwerk’s robots with life-size Transformers.

Replace Michael Anthony of Van Halen with any decent bass player. Billy Sheehan. Bootsy Collins. Flea. Les Claypool. And let’s sub in the Diamond Dave of 1983, while we’re at it. Eddie needs to have a screaming asshole on stage to shout down with his playing.

Replace any instance of a Who-like reunion post-1984 with an absence.

Replace Hendrix’s Band of Gypsies with Sly and Robbie. Or Bootsy Collins and Clyde Stubblefield.

Replace David Lee Roth with just about any other singer in David Lee Roth’s band for Eat ‘Em And Smile. Steve Vai. Billy Sheehan. They should never have separated.

Replace the horn players in Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys with the horn players in McKinney’s Cotton Pickers.

Replace Johnny St. Cyr in the Louis Armstrong Hot Five and Hot Seven with Banjo Ikey Robinson from Jabbo Smith’s All Stars.

Replace my current taste in music with something more relevant to the society in which I live.