by John Holbo on February 13, 2006

I’m puzzled by the veep shoots lawyer on a quail hunt thing. I figure it’s gotta be Karl Rove sending a message to the base. But what? Then I read about Cheney’s penchant for avian mass slaughterfests and I vaguely remembered … Aha! I don’t think Kieran is right to quote Ezekiel

And there went forth a wind from the LORD, and brought quails from the sea, and let them fall by the camp, as it were a day’s journey on this side, and as it were a day’s journey on the other side, round about the camp, and as it were two cubits high upon the face of the earth. And the people stood up all that day, and all that night, and all the next day, and they gathered the quails: he that gathered least gathered ten homers: and they spread them all abroad for themselves round about the camp. And while the flesh was yet between their teeth, ere it was chewed, the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague.

Two cubits high for a day’s journey on every side is a lot of bird, even by Texas standards. But I still don’t get it. What’s a homer?

There’s always Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida.

THERSITES:  … an honest fellow enough, and one that loves
quails, but he has not so much brain as ear-wax.

And Midsummer Night’s Dream:

Quail, crush, conclude, and quell!

This passion, and the death of a dear friend, would
go near to make a man look sad.

Looks like the guy is going to live. I dunno.

Chaucer? "And you shall make him cower as does a quail."

The Wedding Crashers? "I don’t even know what the fuck a quail is!"

Bertrand Russell? "The coward wretch whose hand and heart can bear to torture aught below/Is ever first to quail and start from the slightest pain or equal foe."

When in doubt, sell stuff from Amazon. Even if the least of you can’t get ten homers, there’s seven seasons of The Simpsons, 50% off. Plus 24 and Buffy and a bunch of stuff. (Man, I’m addicted to trawling Amazon’s DVD sales. I’m sorry.)



Jimmy Doyle 02.13.06 at 9:32 am

“Mr. Environmental is also a…a hunter. It’s kind of an interesting combination.”

“I hunt quail, Jeremy! They’re overpopulated in this region and they’re decimating the grub worm population. You got a fucking problem with that?!”

“Not nearly as much as I do with the, uh, attire that you have on…or just your general point of view towards everybody. But let’s go kill some birds. I’m psyched!


Walt Pohl 02.13.06 at 11:09 am

Quail are so helpless that to hunt them you should have to kill them with your bare hands.


yabonn 02.13.06 at 11:10 am

Quail bono?



C.J.Colucci 02.13.06 at 1:58 pm

The current Vice President was out hunting one of his predecessors and shot a lawyer instead? Where to begin?


JR 02.13.06 at 2:15 pm

A homer is an ass-load. (Insert your own joke here).

From the website of Atlantic Baptist University: http://www.abu.nb.ca/ecm/topics/custom5.htm#9

The word homer comes from a Hebrew word which means ‘ass-load’. It may have been the amount that donkey could carry… [It was] equal to about 6 bushels…


croatoan 02.13.06 at 2:56 pm

Al Quailda


jet 02.13.06 at 9:48 pm

Written by someone who’s never hunted quail “Quail are so helpless that to hunt them you should have to kill them with your bare hands.”


Belle Waring 02.14.06 at 4:19 am

I have to go with jet on this one. those little bastards are hard to hit. still, the veep doesn’t win a lot of credibility with me driving along the road in an escalade and then stopping to shoot cage-raised birds beside the road. weeeeeak. also, shooting that guy was not cool.

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