Today’s activities on the National Review cruise

by Ted on November 12, 2003

8:00- 9:30 Breakfast (check ticket for meal time)

9:45: (Deck 2) Two Minute Sneer: Joseph Wilson, long-haired “Ambassador” (led by Jonah Goldberg)

10:00 (Lounge 1) Seminar:

Charges of Anti-Semitism = Real Ultimate Power!

Criticism of anti-Semitism isn’t just for criticizing anti-Semites anymore. The National Review has been a pioneer in aggressively pursuing charges of anti-Semitism, which can be an essential part of a conservative media strategy to get through the filter of the liberal media.

Many people feel uncomfortable accusing others of anti-Semitism without real evidence. We can help! Criticizing Israel, using the term “neo-conservatives”, opposing the war in Iraq, being French: Joel Mowbray and Donald Luskin will show you how these offenses (and many more) can be labeled “anti-Semitism” for a powerful rhetorical punch.

Donald Luskin also has a few tips on accusing a Jewish person of anti-Semitism without giggling.

(Note: Rod Dreher will fill in for Donald Luskin, after last night’s unpleasantness)

11:00 (Lounge 2) Talent Show:

“LIBERALS ARE ALL, LIKE,…”

Can you do a great impression of a specific liberal, or of liberals in general? Bonus points will be awarded for funny costumes, banners and giant puppets. No bonus points will be awarded for originality.

Prizes include copies of Rich Lowry’s Legacy, and other copies of Rich Lowry’s Legacy.

11:45 Kathryn Jean Lopez (via remote) reads the correct time and temperature aloud

11:46 Polite applause

12:00- 1:30 Lunch. All potential eaters must show proof of purchase of Rich Lowry’s Legacy: Paying the Price for the Clinton Years. (Did you notice the scarlet A in “Legacy” on the cover? Did you get it? That was awesome.)

1:00 Casino opens

1:45 (Deck 2) Two Minute Sneer: Rap “Music” (led by John Derbyshire)

2:00- 6:00 Skeet shooting on Deck 1.

2:00 (Lounge 1) Tax seminar with H&R Block

(NOTE: Guests who are planning to establish legal residence in Jamaica during tomorrow’s “shore leave” should bring their most recent 1040 filing.)

3:00 (Lounge 2) Seminar

Dealing with Political Hate Speech, with Dr. Tom Jameson

Liberals aren’t content to control NPR, Ben and Jerry’s, and the Humanities departments of most colleges anymore. Their insane grasp for power has led to some of the most vicious rhetoric we have ever seen.

Sometimes it’s just too much. We’ve seen what has happened to two of the most prominent targets of liberal hate speech: Rush Limbaugh used prescription drugs to deal with the pain of being victimized by liberals, and Ann Coulter, 39, has gained a pound.

Dr. Tom Jameson is a caring nurturer. Come, gather together in a safe, non-judgmental place, and have a good cry about it.

(Unmarried ladies are asked to excuse themselves during group hugs.)

4:00 (Lounge 3) Seminar:

Dealing with Cognitive Dissonance: Economics

Lie down and relax, as the staff of the National Review explain, in soothing tones, how the massive growth in government spending, net loss of jobs, the steel tariff, and explosive deficit growth during the Bush presidency are all part of a clever, clever plan. So clever.

(Featuring ambient mix by Mobius Dick- Glenn Reynolds samples the first Orb album in its entirety and then adds, “Indeed” in a dreamy voice. CDs available.)

(Note: Dealing with Cognitive Dissonance: Iraq attracted more interest than anticipated. We will cover WMDs in a special session on Thursday)

5:45 Kathryn Jean Lopez (via remote) ironically pairs a number of words with “quagmire”

5:48 Polite applause

6:00- 7:30 Dinner, followed by sing-along of Have You Forgotten?

7:00- 8:00 “The Simpsons”:

Homer joins a bowling team; Sideshow Bob stalks criticizes Bart

8:00 (Lounge 1): DC 9/11: Time of Crisis in widescreen

8:00 (Lounge 2): CAN I AX YOU A QUESTION:

The ethnic comedy of John Derbyshire

8:00 (Lounge 3): Jonah Goldberg and the Jonah Goldberg Players perform masculine highlights from the works of Gilbert & Sullivan. When we get to The Mikado, you’ll never guess who’s on his list! (Hint: Liberals….)

10:45 (Deck 2) Two Minute Sneer: Female “Athletes” (led by Kathryn Jean Lopez, via remote)

10:47 Polite applause

11:00 (Deck 1): Moonlight buffet

Moonlight toppling of butter statue of Saddam Hussein

11:15 Moonlight parade of butter Saddam head on post

11:30 Lights out

UPDATE: Don’t miss Andrew Northrup.

{ 10 comments }

1

reuben 11.12.03 at 5:09 pm

The funniest post I’ve ever read, Andrew Northrup included. As Henny Youngman might say, “Take this cruise – and please don’t bring it back!”

2

Jeremy Osner` 11.12.03 at 5:50 pm

Thanks — I’m wiping tears from my eyes — this is a nice companion piece to today’s “Cornier” over at The Poor Man. (And BTW, Ted, I believe it was you in your pre-CT days who turned me on to The Poor Man, for which Thanks again.)

3

Mandarin 11.12.03 at 6:00 pm

Jews have been talking about Jewish self-hatred for a long, long time. But hey, don’t let that stop you from laughing at the notion that anybody Jewish might be antisemitic.

I bet if you rummaged through a university, you wouldn’t be able to find any white men proclaiming the wickedness of white men, either.

4

drew 11.12.03 at 6:53 pm


Jews have been talking about Jewish self-hatred for a long, long time. But hey, don’t let that stop you from laughing at the notion that anybody Jewish might be antisemitic.

Well self-hatered and anti-Semitism and not the same thing, besides the number of Jews who are true self haters probably number in the low hundreds. Just criticizing an Isreali policy doesn’t make you an anti-Zionist, anti-Semitic, or a self-hating jew. That kind of faulty logic is best displayed by Charles Johnson.

“7:00- 8:00 The Simpsons

Homer joins a bowling team; Sideshow Bob stalks criticizes Bart”
That was probably my favorite line.

5

drew 11.12.03 at 6:54 pm


Jews have been talking about Jewish self-hatred for a long, long time. But hey, don’t let that stop you from laughing at the notion that anybody Jewish might be antisemitic.

Well self-hatered and anti-Semitism and not the same thing, besides the number of Jews who are true self haters probably number in the low hundreds. Just criticizing an Isreali policy doesn’t make you an anti-Zionist, anti-Semitic, or a self-hating jew. That kind of faulty logic is best displayed by Charles Johnson.

“7:00- 8:00 The Simpsons
Homer joins a bowling team; Sideshow Bob stalks criticizes Bart”

That was probably my favorite line.

6

ttam117 11.12.03 at 10:52 pm

Lorwy should look for his keys under the pile of unsold copies of Legacy.

7

Matt Reading 11.13.03 at 7:09 pm

Conservatives are cool. And by cool, I mean totally sweet.

8

Ted Barlow 11.13.03 at 10:58 pm

Matt,

Did you know that conservatives are mammals?

9

Tom Grey 11.20.03 at 4:00 pm

Wrote a long post on Bush hate, Jew hate, Success hate

I’ve now been reminded that successful Chinese & Indians are hated in Malaysia & Uganda for being different and successful economically. For being money grubbers.
The Left is certainly against money grubbing. Easterbrook used “money grubbing Jew” unthinkingly — because everybody knows Jews are money grubbers. Like me, I work for money (my Stanford T: Work. Study. Get Rich) — I’m a money grubber, it doesn’t bother me.
But, if money grubbing is bad, and Jews are money grubbers … the Left will be hating the Jews. Israeli minister Natan Sharkansky’s recent WSJ article on Jew hate does NOT mention the money grubbing. But I’m convinced it’s MORE important than anything else.

Please, tell me you and your friends do NOT think Jews are money grubbers.
The left hates the Bush tax cuts, tax cuts for the rich.
Taxes are essentially the same as financial penalties, punishment.
The rich are all money grubbers.
The Left hate Bush because he reduced taxes on the rich; he reduced punishment on the rich; he reduced punishment on the money grubbers.
The Left wants to punish the money grubbers; they hate the money grubbers.
Are Jews money grubbers?

10

Tom Grey 11.20.03 at 4:01 pm

URL should be tomgrey.motime.com, not my old bloggedup.com.

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