8:00- 9:30 Breakfast (check ticket for meal time)
9:45: (Deck 2) Two Minute Sneer: Joseph Wilson, long-haired “Ambassador” (led by Jonah Goldberg)
10:00 (Lounge 1) Seminar:
Charges of Anti-Semitism = Real Ultimate Power!
Criticism of anti-Semitism isn’t just for criticizing anti-Semites anymore. The National Review has been a pioneer in aggressively pursuing charges of anti-Semitism, which can be an essential part of a conservative media strategy to get through the filter of the liberal media.
Many people feel uncomfortable accusing others of anti-Semitism without real evidence. We can help! Criticizing Israel, using the term “neo-conservatives”, opposing the war in Iraq, being French: Joel Mowbray and Donald Luskin will show you how these offenses (and many more) can be labeled “anti-Semitism” for a powerful rhetorical punch.
Donald Luskin also has a few tips on accusing a Jewish person of anti-Semitism without giggling.
(Note: Rod Dreher will fill in for Donald Luskin, after last night’s unpleasantness)
11:00 (Lounge 2) Talent Show:
“LIBERALS ARE ALL, LIKE,…”
Can you do a great impression of a specific liberal, or of liberals in general? Bonus points will be awarded for funny costumes, banners and giant puppets. No bonus points will be awarded for originality.
Prizes include copies of Rich Lowry’s Legacy, and other copies of Rich Lowry’s Legacy.
11:45 Kathryn Jean Lopez (via remote) reads the correct time and temperature aloud
11:46 Polite applause
12:00- 1:30 Lunch. All potential eaters must show proof of purchase of Rich Lowry’s Legacy: Paying the Price for the Clinton Years. (Did you notice the scarlet A in “Legacy” on the cover? Did you get it? That was awesome.)
1:00 Casino opens
1:45 (Deck 2) Two Minute Sneer: Rap “Music” (led by John Derbyshire)
2:00- 6:00 Skeet shooting on Deck 1.
2:00 (Lounge 1) Tax seminar with H&R Block
(NOTE: Guests who are planning to establish legal residence in Jamaica during tomorrow’s “shore leave” should bring their most recent 1040 filing.)
3:00 (Lounge 2) Seminar
Dealing with Political Hate Speech, with Dr. Tom Jameson
Liberals aren’t content to control NPR, Ben and Jerry’s, and the Humanities departments of most colleges anymore. Their insane grasp for power has led to some of the most vicious rhetoric we have ever seen.
Sometimes it’s just too much. We’ve seen what has happened to two of the most prominent targets of liberal hate speech: Rush Limbaugh used prescription drugs to deal with the pain of being victimized by liberals, and Ann Coulter, 39, has gained a pound.
Dr. Tom Jameson is a caring nurturer. Come, gather together in a safe, non-judgmental place, and have a good cry about it.
(Unmarried ladies are asked to excuse themselves during group hugs.)
4:00 (Lounge 3) Seminar:
Dealing with Cognitive Dissonance: Economics
Lie down and relax, as the staff of the National Review explain, in soothing tones, how the massive growth in government spending, net loss of jobs, the steel tariff, and explosive deficit growth during the Bush presidency are all part of a clever, clever plan. So clever.
(Featuring ambient mix by Mobius Dick- Glenn Reynolds samples the first Orb album in its entirety and then adds, “Indeed” in a dreamy voice. CDs available.)
(Note: Dealing with Cognitive Dissonance: Iraq attracted more interest than anticipated. We will cover WMDs in a special session on Thursday)
5:45 Kathryn Jean Lopez (via remote) ironically pairs a number of words with “quagmire”
5:48 Polite applause
6:00- 7:30 Dinner, followed by sing-along of Have You Forgotten?
7:00- 8:00 “The Simpsons”:
Homer joins a bowling team; Sideshow Bob
8:00 (Lounge 1): DC 9/11: Time of Crisis in widescreen
8:00 (Lounge 2): CAN I AX YOU A QUESTION:
The ethnic comedy of John Derbyshire
8:00 (Lounge 3): Jonah Goldberg and the Jonah Goldberg Players perform masculine highlights from the works of Gilbert & Sullivan. When we get to The Mikado, you’ll never guess who’s on his list! (Hint: Liberals….)
10:45 (Deck 2) Two Minute Sneer: Female “Athletes” (led by Kathryn Jean Lopez, via remote)
10:47 Polite applause
11:00 (Deck 1): Moonlight buffet
Moonlight toppling of butter statue of Saddam Hussein
11:15 Moonlight parade of butter Saddam head on post
11:30 Lights out
UPDATE: Don’t miss Andrew Northrup.