No rush to sign T. rex

by Chris Bertram on August 22, 2007

The BBC tells us

Tyrannosaurus rex would have been able to outrun a footballer, according to computer models used to estimate running speeds of dinosaurs.

But which one? Outrunning some footballers would be no great achievement. More to the point, would T. rex have been able to control the ball and get a decent cross into the box? Those who have followed the career of the Danish winger Dennis Rommedahl know that speed isn’t everything.

{ 27 comments }

1

Alex 08.22.07 at 7:41 am

The fact that Danish winger Dennis Rommedahl isn’t a Tyrannosaurus rex is his biggest setback. Time and again these footballers are ticking the “not a T-rex” box.

Not a Tyrannosaurus

Not a Tyrannosaurus

Not a Tyrannosaurus

Not a Tyrannosaurus

Not a Tyrannosaurus

Not a Tyrannosaurus

It’s the sign of a culture in decline.

2

trane 08.22.07 at 7:47 am

I didn’t know that anyone outside of Denmark followed Dennis Rommedahl, but right you are.

3

bi 08.22.07 at 7:59 am

Something Awful has _A Guide to Understanding TV Metrics_.

It happens to propose no metrics for speed though, so perhaps we can introduce two new units for measuring speed: the T. Rex, and the footballer.

4

ben saunders 08.22.07 at 8:00 am

The idea of a T. Rex running with pace at the Liverpool defence fills me with dread; but I’m confident Sami Hyypia would still win any aerial balls.

5

SG 08.22.07 at 8:09 am

Never mind that! T. Rex is England’s only chance in the Rugby World Cup! Sign a few of them and they might have a chance of getting past the group stage…

(Come to think of it, even a few Mark Bolans might improve their chances at the moment…)

6

reuben 08.22.07 at 8:14 am

Would T Rex have been better at the baton hand-off than Great Britain’s 4×100 men’s team?

7

Stuart 08.22.07 at 8:35 am

Well at least with a T. Rex in defense the attacker doesn’t have to worry about an elbow to the face any more.

8

David Hunter 08.22.07 at 8:41 am

I thought this was both rather unsurprising and cutely British.

9

Martin GL 08.22.07 at 8:45 am

And what are the rules on interspecies football, anyway? What’s stopping Manchester from, say, enrolling Fluffy the hungry hungry tiger as centre midfielder? “Riise’s got the ball, coming down the centre, and OOhh Fluffy’s got ‘im. Looks like he won’t be returning to professional football without that foot, Brian.” I mean, he’d get a red card instantly, but there would be strong disincentives from putting your best people in the field when playing against the tiger team, so they’d win every game.

10

Reinder 08.22.07 at 8:59 am

T.Rex would totally be one with the ball, be the ball in a sense. T. Rex would never be ticketed for hands either.

Getting T. Rex to understand the offside rule might be tricky though.

11

Dean M 08.22.07 at 9:03 am

Whatever T-Rex’s limitations, a straight swap with Jermaine Pennant would improve the Liverpool side.

12

Richard J 08.22.07 at 9:06 am

The life span of a tiger is only 15-20 years. Wouldn’t be able to have much of a career outside of the youth team.

13

Danny Yee 08.22.07 at 9:18 am

I guess eating members of the opposing team is a no-no… But what about carrying the ball in your teeth, is that technically within the spirit of the laws?

14

SG 08.22.07 at 9:39 am

be worse still in Aussie Rules Football – there is no send-off law. T Rex could eat his way through the whole team. But he’d be crap at taking marks.

15

Martin GL 08.22.07 at 9:46 am

So the trick, really, would be training the T-Rex to only eat the other guys. Maybe special scented something or other rubbed all over the teammates which Rex was trained to recognize?

16

Anthony 08.22.07 at 10:24 am

Would his agent be Fred Flintstone?

17

Mike 08.22.07 at 10:42 am

I guess eating members of the opposing team is a no-no

I dunno. Where’s the rule?

18

ejh 08.22.07 at 11:39 am

Regarding tall dinosaurs (and for that matter, obsolete predators) I should observe that when you live abroad and try to convince people that English football isn’t all punt-high-ball-to-the big-centre-forward, the presence of Peter Crouch in the England team is not altogether helpful.

19

Jacob Christensen 08.22.07 at 11:55 am

A battle of the giants: T. Rex meets Jan Mølby.

Interesting thought…

20

Doug T 08.22.07 at 2:07 pm

“The presence of Peter Crouch in the England team is not altogether helpful” in the action on the field, either.

21

David 08.22.07 at 2:24 pm

what about a revived Marc Bolan?

Of course, for T. Rex, American football is mere dogfighting….

22

dave heasman 08.22.07 at 3:13 pm

Justin, Doug, – Peter Crouch has very fast feet and until last season was much more effective on the ground than in the air. Liverpool coaching seems to have taught him how to head the ball effectively. At the cost, sadly, of his ground work.

23

ejh 08.22.07 at 3:43 pm

24

BillCinSD 08.22.07 at 3:44 pm

wouldn’t eating the other team be ungentlemanly conduct or whatever they call it now

25

Cyrus 08.22.07 at 8:19 pm

“Able to outrun a footballer”? What a letdown. Since I watched Jurassic Park at 11, I’ve thought of Tyrannosaurus Rex as being able to give a Jeep a run for its money, let alone some human.

Although it is amusing that they gave the highest speed rating to the compsognathus. Weren’t those the cute little dinosaurs that traveled in flocks and ate injured people? And in the book, babies?

26

will 08.22.07 at 9:06 pm

Soccer could very well be his hidden talent:

http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000808.html

27

jay bee 08.23.07 at 8:08 am

Already, I can hear Andy Gray telling us for the umptheenth time:-
“…what a lot of people don’t realise, is that T. Rex has very good feet for a big man…”

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