Tomorrow’s Kerry-bashing today

by Ted on June 14, 2004

It’s looking like another bad week for the Bush Administration. The torture memos haven’t stopped coming, and Bush’s lawyerly dismissals haven’t satisfied anyone. It’s considerably harder to hold on to the “few bad apples” theory. The Vice President’s office was much more involved in arranging sole-source contracts for Halliburton than previously revealed. Iraq’s power production is still below pre-war levels, as insurgents hold Falloujah.

It sounds to me like it’s time for another manufactured Kerry scandal. I’ve taken the liberty of scripting it out below.

*******************************************

Drudge is showing a 1984 picture of John Kerry in a “Members Only” jacket.

Members Only? I guess it’s not quite as big a tent as we’ve been led to believe.

UPDATE: Mickey Kaus comments:

Nice jacket, freak!!

Indeed. There’s a lot more; just keep scrolling.

UPDATE: Howard Kurtz notes that Kerry hasn’t been seen in a Members Only jacket in years. Asks Kurtz, “Did Kerry vote for Members Only before he voted against it?”

As the saying goes, “heh.”

UPDATE: Hugh Hewitt has a a question:

So who, exactly, are the “members” of this little club that the John “man of the people” Kerry belonged to? More specifically, who isn’t welcome? Could it be…. Jews?

Good question.

UPDATE: Roger L. Simon has more details on the developing anti-Semitic implications of Kerry’s.. er… questionable taste in clothing.

UPDATE: Oliver Willis writes:

“’Members Only’ was the name of a popular clothing line. There was no club of any sort, exclusionary or not, to belong to. Even I had one. It’s just some words on the back of a jacket.”

While I share Oliver’s feeling that Kerry is a phony, I’m a little disturbed that he would blow off the charges of anti-Semitism so lightly. Funny, I thought the left was supposed to be concerned about prejudice.

UPDATE: Reader mmallow writes:

Where have you been? The Left has been a Nazi-lite movement for years. If there’s any difference between the Nurenburg rally and the so called “Rally for Choice” this weekend, I’m afraid that I can’t see it.

While that’s inappropriate and inflamatory, I’m going to post it anyway.

UPDATE: Several readers have sent me this picture of George W. Bush in a
Members Only jacket. Sorry, I don’t see how that’s relevant.

UPDATE: Snopes says that the Members Only jacket photo is a fake. Sheesh. Still, I’m more reliable than a Boston Globe photo-feature! (more here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here here, and here).

{ 49 comments }

1

carpeicthus 06.14.04 at 5:08 pm

Brilliant, and a far-too-accurate look.

2

apostropher 06.14.04 at 5:14 pm

Several readers have sent me this picture of George W. Bush in a
Members Only jacket. Sorry, I don’t see how that’s relevant.

It’s a Skull&Bones thing. You wouldn’t understand.

3

asdf 06.14.04 at 5:19 pm

As the saying goes, “heh.”

4

BigMacAttack 06.14.04 at 5:29 pm

It would have been funny and effective if the provided links went to examples that backed the premise and specific accussations against each blogger.

For instance if the Hugh Hewitt link took the reader to an example where the only anti-Semitism to be found was in Hugh’s fevered imagination.

Without such links the post really
just comes across as pandering of guillible Kerry supporters.

But hey WTF, I bet they enjoy it.

5

Terry 06.14.04 at 5:43 pm

Wow, that’s creepy. I got chills…

6

VAdem 06.14.04 at 5:49 pm

Read the Post, you got next week’s memo – today’s is “People are more anti-Bush than pro-Kerry day”. Shees, get with the program.

7

bull 06.14.04 at 5:56 pm

But Kerry will have his usual forthright explanations: it was actually his wife’s jacket; actually, it was his friend’s jacket; well, actually, he was just pretending to wear the jacket; he threw away the jacket afterwards, but not the pants; the jacket was an award for his service in Vietnam; actually, he told his speechwriters to stop making him wear the jacket, and he took the jacket off whenever he noticed he had it on; he was against wearing the jacket after he took it off; in Vietnam, where he served his country while others were lolling around the US wearing jackets, he certainly didn’t wear any jackets.

The order of excuses may not be exactly as stated above. Kerry is flexible.

8

turbonium 06.14.04 at 5:58 pm

Great so far, but where’s yer Maureen Dowd? Whenever Democrats don articles of clothing, you can rest assured that a full writeup from MD is never more than a couple of days away…

9

Crystal Ball 06.14.04 at 6:09 pm

JACKETS – I predict they will be the big trend from January 2005 onwards – Comfortable, yet cool – a retro look – harking back to an America when moral standards were real swell, family values and nice haircuts. The Kerry Jacket will be one of many.

10

John M 06.14.04 at 6:20 pm

UPDATE: Roger L. Simon cites an article in the Washington Times that reports that the jacket may have been given as a bribe to Kerry by Jacques Chirac. According to an anonymous source (read: minions of Chalabi) an entire shipment of similar jackets may have been found in an Iraqi house that, according to another anonymous source, was once visited by Saddam Hussein, Read the whole thing.

11

julia 06.14.04 at 6:28 pm

It would have been funny and effective if the provided links went to examples that backed the premise and specific accussations against each blogger.

See? You’ve obviously been hanging out with those editors people over at the Poor Man too long and have become shrill and unfunny.

bigmac, dear, if you read the blog that’s being skewered here, you’d realize that the additional links are only very rarely even tangentially related to the bullshit allegations they’re intended to support. They not infrequently contradict them. They’re not meant to be read. They exist to give a frisson of validation to people who can’t be troubled to click through.

12

Susan B. Anthony 06.14.04 at 6:36 pm

Oh my, more excuses, just in: while Kerry may have been at the meeting where the picture was taken, the picture was photo-shopped; how dare the Republicans question his decision to wear a jacket when the President did not serve in Vietnam, not that he, Mr. Kerry, would ever bring up the subject of Bush’s Air Force Reserve record; he was getting a haircut that day, and that was the barber’s jacket; he was reenacting his Vietnam service and had become wet and cold, and someone had given him the jacket to warm him up; the figure in the picture was an animatronic Kerry – of course you can tell the difference.

13

Sandy 06.14.04 at 6:38 pm

If John Kerry wants to wear a pink and purple check jacket – that is his right because this is America, and he is an American. In fact, I think this shows he is an individual. If he was in another country they might have a law against it. Good for him!

14

phg 06.14.04 at 6:38 pm

Thank you, I laughed until I cried.

15

Scott 06.14.04 at 6:59 pm

First-rate.

16

PZ Myers 06.14.04 at 7:02 pm

I don’t read Instapundit. The style is so instantly recognizable, though, and you’ve hit it right on.

Just to be fair, though, I did steel myself to actually read a page of the Instapundit’s stuff, and your parody is confirmed. First thing on the top of the page today was a favorable link to a book with this quote:

According to some of the top journalists in the country, gun enthusiasts and NRA members are racist, stupid, ignorant about history an dpolitics, apathetic to violence, bellicose, and jingoistic. They are, quite simply, evil.

Seriously? And Reynold’s thinks the book could be interesting, and is an “honest sociological look” in opposition to a “rather cartoonish and negative view”? Dear gog.

I don’t think I’ll need to look at Instapundit again.

17

Aaron Gillies 06.14.04 at 7:11 pm

Indeed.

18

skb 06.14.04 at 7:16 pm

UPDATE: A reader points out that the where the U.N. is concerned, “members only” applies only insofar as illegal profits can be siphoned off so-called humanitarian aid programs to fund terrorists. As I have mentioned here before, one need look no further for evidence that the left has become unhinged.

19

Mellifluous 06.14.04 at 7:20 pm

I can think of one member-only club to which kerry currently belongs: the U.S. Senate.

20

Barbar 06.14.04 at 7:35 pm

pz myers — genius.

21

Antoni Jaume 06.14.04 at 7:41 pm

What is a “members only” jacket? I’ve looked at the Drudge but did not recognize any image that fit your posting.

DSW

22

RNinNC 06.14.04 at 7:50 pm

Im sorry, but Im reading homosexual overtones into this jacket scandal. “MEMBERS” only? Whose ‘members’ are we speaking of Mr. Kerry? This is proof that Kerry supports gay marriage and the downfall of Western Society ’cause he’s nothing but a flaming closet case himself!!!

HARUMPHHH!!!

23

carsick 06.14.04 at 7:51 pm

Hilarious! Absolutely spot on. That’s the best indictment of the non-story story we keep seeing.

By the way, it turns out Kerry has another jacket in his closet that he wears on occassion. Flip flopper.

24

Goose3five 06.14.04 at 8:01 pm

Instant Classic!

25

BigEasy 06.14.04 at 8:06 pm

Nicely future-parsed. And may I add:

Lileks tsk-tsks the fashion choice; opines that it says a lot about Kerry, without mentioning exactly what that might be; scans a page from a JCPenney menswear catalog from 1952 to prove his point; and wraps up the whole thing with an unrelated anecdote about how his daughter mispronounced “peanut butter” while playing on the iMac.

Do I win a prize?

26

BigEasy 06.14.04 at 8:07 pm

Nicely future-parsed. And may I add:

Lileks tsk-tsks the fashion choice; opines that it says a lot about Kerry, without mentioning exactly what that might be; scans a page from a JCPenney menswear catalog from 1952 to prove his point; and wraps up the whole thing with an unrelated anecdote about how his daughter mispronounced “peanut butter” while playing on the iMac.

Do I win a prize?

27

Edward 06.14.04 at 8:13 pm

Too freakin’ funny.

28

Joe Carter 06.14.04 at 8:31 pm

And they say liberals can’t be funny. (Of course, after reading this post they’ll still be saying that.)

The fawning praise just shows that you people need to get out more.

29

Joe Carter 06.14.04 at 8:31 pm

And they say liberals can’t be funny. (Of course, after reading this post they’ll still be saying that.)

The fawning praise just shows that you people need to get out more.

30

lk 06.14.04 at 9:03 pm

Another load of crap today including:
“I took a whopping paycut when I left law practice, and the gap continues to widen. Guys with my seniority are making well over a million bucks a year at big firms.” Seniority helps, but hard work and winning big cases is also part of the package. Those that can, do, those that can’t teach, and blog.

31

Jodi Wilgoren 06.14.04 at 9:20 pm

Wearing trendy sportswear is just one typical example of how John Kerry tries to position himself as a regular guy. I think it reveals much about Sen. Kerry’s hamster-like character.

32

Maccabee 06.14.04 at 9:28 pm

I’ll take Kerry in a members Only Jacket than W in a flight suit anyday.

Boy you know the wingnuts are desperate when they can’t find anything else to attack him with.

33

Eric 06.14.04 at 9:38 pm

This is quite amusing. However, I hear that something is about to break in the news/blogosphere that may be more serious relative to John Kerry’s campaign. Our understanding is that a Teresa Heinz funded group that works under the label,”Women’s eNews,” has published on its website what could develop into a real bombshell: a puff piece, by one Sarah Smiles, about widows of “martyrs” from the terrorist group Hezbollah. “Deified in paradise and venerated on earth for fighting Israel, Hizbullah’s martyrs are nothing short of heroes in southern Lebanon,” Smiles rhapsodizes. “Their wives are in turn admired, because of their husband’s sacrifice.” This has been, or is in the process of being, widely disseminated to Jewish organizations.

34

Eric 06.14.04 at 9:38 pm

This is quite amusing. However, I hear that something is about to break in the news/blogosphere that may be more serious relative to John Kerry’s campaign. Our understanding is that a Teresa Heinz funded group that works under the label,”Women’s eNews,” has published on its website what could develop into a real bombshell: a puff piece, by one Sarah Smiles, about widows of “martyrs” from the terrorist group Hezbollah. “Deified in paradise and venerated on earth for fighting Israel, Hizbullah’s martyrs are nothing short of heroes in southern Lebanon,” Smiles rhapsodizes. “Their wives are in turn admired, because of their husband’s sacrifice.” This has been, or is in the process of being, widely disseminated to Jewish organizations.

35

Eric 06.14.04 at 9:39 pm

This is quite amusing. However, I hear that something is about to break in the news/blogosphere that may be more serious relative to John Kerry’s campaign. Our understanding is that a Teresa Heinz funded group that works under the label,”Women’s eNews,” has published on its website what could develop into a real bombshell: a puff piece, by one Sarah Smiles, about widows of “martyrs” from the terrorist group Hezbollah. “Deified in paradise and venerated on earth for fighting Israel, Hizbullah’s martyrs are nothing short of heroes in southern Lebanon,” Smiles rhapsodizes. “Their wives are in turn admired, because of their husband’s sacrifice.” This has been, or is in the process of being, widely disseminated to Jewish organizations.

36

Randy Paul 06.14.04 at 9:45 pm

Brilliant, Ted, brilliant.

One should read the whole thing.

37

Walt Pohl 06.14.04 at 10:00 pm

Don’t you know Internet Rule of Humor #1? When you make fun of the other side, it’s comedy. When you make fun of my side, it’s tragedy.

38

Kuas 06.14.04 at 11:03 pm

He shoots, he scores.

The only thing funnier than this Insta-hack parody is the Insta-trolls in the comments with their lame-assed counterstrikes.

39

d. mason 06.14.04 at 11:05 pm

UPDATE: Shaq and Kobe quit their feuding and agree to join up against Kerry on the eve of their Game 5 defeat in Detroit.

Bush refuses comment, claiming that baseball is “his” sport, not basketball.

40

Bedtime Forbonzo 06.15.04 at 12:03 am

Uncanny foresight, almost like a 6th sense. Next headline is – Kerry opposes Bush, therefore he supports terrorism.

41

Alex 06.15.04 at 1:09 am

bigmac, dear, if you read the blog that’s being skewered here, you’d realize that the additional links are only very rarely even tangentially related to the bullshit allegations they’re intended to support. They not infrequently contradict them.

Maybe the link to the David Hasselhof picture was too subbb-tulll for our supersized friend.

42

pbg 06.15.04 at 3:26 am

Are all your posts named eric?

43

Jon H 06.15.04 at 3:59 am

No, it wasn’t actually a Members Only jacket.

It was an original, limited-edition, French couture veston de luxe, which Members Only later ripped off and mass produced with shoddy materials, rather than the original fabric of exquisitely rare woven fetus hair, blended with cotton obtained from the pulp of bibles stolen from Christian homes by Communists.

The designer was a former North Vietnamese POW torturer, who defected to France after the war and opened a dress shop specializing in couture Mao suits.

Kerry and he are quite close. They often meet in Paris for creme brulee, sometimes accompanied by Jane Fonda and the Paris station chief for Al Qaeda.

44

fafnir 06.15.04 at 5:53 am

So eerie – like staring into a living web mirror. Brrrr.

45

Eric Rolph 06.15.04 at 7:47 am

HA ha, you’ve easily nailed the rhetoric of Instapundit – even if that’s not specifically who you were trying to parody. I strongly applaud your astute observational and creative writing skills.

46

Teaflax 06.15.04 at 10:16 am

“They” say liberals can’t be funny? Odd, then, that most comedians (indeed, most of the people active in the performing arts) are liberal.

And if anything proves that conservatives generally aren’t funny (P.J. O’Rourke being a shining exception), just look at what happened to Dennis Miller…

47

Extradite the Neocons 06.15.04 at 10:18 pm

As I have mentioned here before, one need look no further for evidence that the left has become unhinged.

and it’s a damned good thing! Too bad no one noticed last time…

48

Mike Timmons 06.15.04 at 11:58 pm

If only my members could “Kerry”
Florida.

Quack Quack.

49

whumpsnatz 06.16.04 at 3:48 pm

Catch-22 funny-scary. I looked around when I smiled, just in case. And Jon H, your twist had me laughing out loud. Until I thought about the Protocols of Zion.

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