Noted without comment:
I points the fingerbone of scorn at those inhumanly cruel Republicans who drink puppy blood for breakfast. When I consider the sharp, tiny milk-teeth of those puppies, protruding from gums now white with blood loss, I am filled with a righteous and long-abiding anger. In fact, the mere thought of a pure-bred English Bulldog puppy, its throat slit with a dull buck knife, its precious life-blood draining into a glass pitcher soon to be enlivened with worchestershire sauce, gin and Tabasco—the lot soon to be poured into a glass garnished with a pale green stalk of celery from the inner part of the bunch, in the manner of some cut-rate third-season Dr. Who—well, my gorge rises. Just saying, is all.
UPDATE: Some e-mailers have objected that not all adherents of the GOP refresh themselves with puppy blood of a morning—I would have thought that was obvious.
UPDATE 2: Falsely claiming that someone (or the majority of some group) drinks puppy blood is indeed egregious misbehavior. (Accurately claiming that, of course, is not egregious.) I haven’t bothered to investigate whether any Republicans in fact drink the blood of innocent puppies, so I can’t speak to the merits of any given case, but to the extent that my opponents uncover and condemn false claims of this type, they are doing reasoned debate (and basic decency and fairness) a great service.
UPDATE 3: I find it odd that so many Republicans who do not—and in fact have never been accused of—drinking puppy blood felt it necessary to object to my claims. Perhaps each of these people should look in his own heart. No matter how small the number of Republican puppy-blood drinkers is, so long as it is >1, then clearly this “group” should be denounced. I find it difficult to see how any fair-minded individual could object to this. Also, any readers who can supply links to prominent Republicans advocating the de-lumptious quaffing of puppy blood would be much appreciated. Please note that anonymous emails sent to K-Lo will not qualify.