Wow, That is Kind of Appealing. Are the Attackers Regular Zombies or Fast-running Zombies?

by Belle Waring on December 16, 2013

Not from a parody account, it would appear:

libtweet

{ 49 comments }

1

Ed Herdman 12.16.13 at 3:04 am

Let’s see how quickly this gets picked up for The Truth About Guns’ “Idiotic Gun Owning Political Party of the Day” award.

2

Belle Waring 12.16.13 at 3:06 am

Why, because of the full auto? I guess I don’t know what the “The Truth About Guns People” say. That the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a semi-automatic that’s been illegally modified to be fully-automatic, one imagines.

3

MPAVictoria 12.16.13 at 3:08 am

“Let’s see how quickly this gets picked up for The Truth About Guns’ “Idiotic Gun Owning Political Party of the Day” award.”

God I hate that website.

4

Ed Herdman 12.16.13 at 3:12 am

@ Belle:

Guessing is half the fun!

But if there’s anything I learned from the George Zimmerman trial, it’s that weed makes you more likely to go on crazy psychotic rampages. God help us if those LGBTs are also black people!

5

marcel 12.16.13 at 3:21 am

Ed Herdman @ 4wrote:

But if there’s anything I learned from the George Zimmerman trial, it’s that weed makes you more likely to go on crazy psychotic rampages.

Or stopping doing weed.

6

Alan White 12.16.13 at 3:46 am

My favorite semi-auto mechanism? The good old Luger: retarded blow-back. The NRA’s political stances made literal. Jams easily, unreliable, but oddly popularly aesthetically appealing as something that is inaccurate but still manages to kill.

7

Roy 12.16.13 at 4:46 am

There was a brief moment when I was a sophomore in college that I was a Libertarian, we once had a rally and a communist heckler shouted at us: “Libertarians are anarchists who want police to help protect them from their slaves!” Sometimes like a koan, a screamed epithet actually works, but it has to be somewhat original, and not something the hearer has heard before.

One of the great charms of the species is that they are one group that likes to troll people with their actual beliefs. I suspect that libertarians were the inventors trolling.

8

Phil 12.16.13 at 10:30 am

“Libertarians are anarchists who want police to help protect them from their slaves!”

A few syllables shorter and that would be a killer slogan.

they are one group that likes to troll people with their actual beliefs. I suspect that libertarians were the inventors trolling.

I’d nominate the Spartacists or possibly the LaRouchies, but it’s a close field. The RCP aren’t a million miles away, either.

9

reason 12.16.13 at 10:32 am

I’m sort of wondering who this is meant to appeal to. (And I also wonder if this is what they have to do, what “their” means.

10

merian 12.16.13 at 11:36 am

Right. And no one would be around building roads, teaching children or caring for the needy.

– a married lesbian living in semi-rural Alaska surrounded by gun-owning libertarians, who has better things to do than worry about marihuana fields and is in no need of defending her property

11

Ronan(rf) 12.16.13 at 12:35 pm

This is actually a libertarian policy position I could get behind. Minus the guns, perhaps.

12

Schadenboner 12.16.13 at 2:05 pm

Poe’s law writ large?

13

David 12.16.13 at 2:47 pm

Way to ruin the appeal of cannabis, Libertarians!

14

Peter Hovde 12.16.13 at 4:15 pm

Full auto is kind of pointless with zombies, since you need the head shot.

15

Ginger Yellow 12.16.13 at 4:58 pm

As anyone who has played Far Cry 3 will tell you, in a marijuana field, flamethrowers beat fully automatic assault rifles every time.

16

Niall McAuley 12.16.13 at 5:53 pm

In a field with a lot of cover, you want a GE M134 minigun.

17

SoU 12.16.13 at 8:21 pm

no one ever gets it, but that stuff… its a weed. you don’t need to cultivate it, you don’t need to designate a special space for it to grow. it just sprouts up. if we didn’t have the DEA and friends you would be picking it off the sides of the road like they do in North Korea and complaining when it got into your petunias. the stuff only has market value bc the existing regulations create and artificial supply shortage as well as attaching a high risk premium to the enterprise. in their “#libertarian future” thing, i don’t see much reason you would need to defend it.

18

Mao Cheng Ji 12.16.13 at 8:35 pm

I sure hope they are regular, not fast-running zombies.

On the other hand, I’m not LGBT, which means that I am probably one of the zombies myself. In which case, I’d certainly prefer being one of the fast-running well-coordinated kind, like in that movie with Will Smith.

19

The Modesto Kid 12.16.13 at 9:13 pm

SoU: cultivated product however has much higher thc content than feral. Which gives it market value and likely would continue to do so absent arbitrary regulation.

20

Doctor Memory 12.16.13 at 9:20 pm

Further evidence that the core demographic of the LP-USA is people who saw “The Road Warrior” as 12-year-olds and thought to themselves “dude, I would totally be the most awesome local warlord of this post-apocalyptic future.”

21

Shelby 12.16.13 at 9:36 pm

I don’t think either kind of zombie is interested in marijuana fields. Revenooers would be, though. Maybe in the proposed libertarian future we’ll keep a few around to keep things lively and give us target practice.

22

js. 12.16.13 at 10:07 pm

Yeah, no, if zombies are what you’re worried about, you want a shot gun obviously, and preferably also a can of Iron City.

23

Barry Freed 12.17.13 at 12:19 am

Twitter allows too few characters, to truly capture the moment (and the crazy) it would need to read like this:

In a #libertarian future, married #LGBT couples could defend their marijuana field with fully-automatic 3-D printedassault rifles bought with #Bitcoin.

24

Malaclypse 12.17.13 at 12:25 am

Never a bad time to quote Scalzi on this:

I really don’t know what you do about the “taxes are theft” crowd, except possibly enter a gambling pool regarding just how long after their no-tax utopia comes true that their generally white, generally entitled, generally soft and pudgy asses are turned into thin strips of Objectivist Jerky by the sort of pitiless sociopath who is actually prepped and ready to live in the world that logically follows these people’s fondest desires. Sorry, guys. I know you all thought you were going to be one of those paying a nickel for your cigarettes in Galt Gulch. That’ll be a fine last thought for you as the starving remnants of the society of takers closes in with their flensing tools.

25

A Fairly Normal Guy 12.17.13 at 12:34 am

I dunno. The only one of those I think we should even consider regulating is the full auto. Otherwise, who cares? People should be free to choose whether they want to grow or imbued a plant, marry who they choose, or put their money in something that we think is silly. Why not? Who’s that hurting?

26

Main Street Muse 12.17.13 at 12:56 am

I find it hilarious that in the Libertarian version of the future, LBGT couples have massive pot fields they need to defend with arms bought with Bitcoins.

‘Tis a far, far better thing… than Santorum’s Obamaville!

(SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW A CURRENCY CREATED BY AN ANONYMOUS DIGITAL WHATEVER HAS BECOME THE CURRENCY OF LIBERTARIANS!)

27

AJ 12.17.13 at 1:02 am

> Wow, That is Kind of Appealing. Are the Attackers Regular Zombies or
> Fast-running Zombies?
We don’t know but the zombies supposedly get there by their own honest effort. On foot. You see, once they end the Dept of Transportation, there will be fewer people who would come to attack the marijuana field because there would be no transportation. (“#EndTheDeptOfTransportation”)

28

Substance McGravitas 12.17.13 at 1:05 am

(SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW A CURRENCY CREATED BY AN ANONYMOUS DIGITAL WHATEVER HAS BECOME THE CURRENCY OF LIBERTARIANS!)

You could buy drugs with it. On-line!

The Wikipedia Bitcoin article is pretty decent overview.

29

Belle Waring 12.17.13 at 2:12 am

SoU, you’ve never grown a whole bunch of pot, have you? In India it grows like the ditch weed it is and little kids run their hands through it and make hash, and that’s all well and good, but if you want The Cottonmouth Killer you best get to buying seds and sexing plants. Also I’ve thought about this–what are the machine guns good for except laying down suppressing fire? And is the rear of the field protected? I think we’re going to need to buy mines and grenade launchers with #bitcoins too.

30

Substance McGravitas 12.17.13 at 2:46 am

Also I’ve thought about this–what are the machine guns good for except laying down suppressing fire?

They don’t have to be on auto all the time and will still put big holes in things.

31

Main Street Muse 12.17.13 at 3:01 am

Substance McGravitas – I understand WHAT bitcoin is – but I don’t ever remember a currency created by an anonymous digital trendsetter ever taking off at this level – do you?

What other currency – not backed by a government – has this power?

32

Substance McGravitas 12.17.13 at 3:21 am

I don’t ever remember a currency created by an anonymous digital trendsetter ever taking off at this level – do you?

Nope. Maybe the encryption is more magically good: if it’s anonymous enough to buy drugs and kiddie porn with on the internet, it’s libertarian by nature.

33

Ed Herdman 12.17.13 at 8:43 am

Bitcoin is yesterday’s news – now not only anonymous but non-human fictional advice animals are coining their own digital currencies – Doge has Dogecoin (trading at $0.00023). http://www.reddit.com/r/dogemarket is apparently the dispensary for the new special sauce.

34

Ed Herdman 12.17.13 at 8:46 am

Oh, and the obvious answer as to “why” bitcoin – I take it these folks just love that there’s no central bank touching it, and a fixed number of potential coins. Somebody believes in not havin’ the damn Feds steal the value of their money!

35

Daragh McDowell 12.17.13 at 12:40 pm

“What other currency – not backed by a government – has this power?”

What ‘power?’ The value of Bitcoins fluctuates wildly. It’s one of those ‘good ideas so long as you don’t think too hard about it, or have extensive knowledge and experience of the topic at hand’ that Libertarians are so fond of. Put it another way – as soon as the Winklevoss twins announced a Bitcoin hedgefund, I more or less immediately dismissed any and all of their claims regarding Facebook, because if they were smart enough to build an FB, there’s no way they’re dumb enough to invest in Bitcoins.

36

Tim Wilkinson 12.17.13 at 1:41 pm

Phil @8 – A few syllables shorter – and two or three concepts lighter. Lose ˹wanting˺, ˹helping˺ and ˹slave˺, for ‘Anarchists with police protection’, perhaps.

Also, we in CT comments world have our very own self-confessed member of the Platypus Affiliated Society, which bears certain striking resemblances to the Sparts’ trolling, and unsurprisingly has a genealogical connection, IIRC.

In the case of Mr Ladd (for it is he), I get the impression that the embrace of proprietarian ideology is actually genuine, at least at a pre-theoretical level. The Platypus affiliation conveniently permits this to be coupled with a self-image as of radical leftist in-group membership. Just like Claire *!$#ing Fox etc.. So actually this is even a case of ‘trolling people with his actual beliefs’, I think, just with the added complication of pretending those beliefs (attitudes, stances) are adopted for or adapted to the noble cause of destroying the existing Left.

I suppose it’s possible that WL is a mere tool, not entirely aware of that further aim and just happy to find a sect which can accommodate his conflicting needs. It is possible to derive a Proprietarian stance from a highly selective and bumptious reading of Marx, after all (even the distinctly un-bumptious Jerry Cohen went some way in that direction by embracing ‘self-ownership’, which requires also accepting some of the accompanying proprietarian frame). Seems a bit implausible though, since the trolling is so very trollish.

Watson – perhaps you could clarify?

37

Dragon-King Wangchuck 12.17.13 at 1:52 pm

Why would anyone need to defend marijuana fields in Libertarian Utopia anyways? If it were fully legal with no restrictions on cultivation, wouldn’t there be tons of it everywhere? It’s not like tobacco fields currently have armed patrols or whatever.

38

mpower69 12.17.13 at 9:20 pm

“In a #libertarian future, married #LGBT couples could defend their marijuana field with fully-automatic 3-D printedassault rifles bought with #Bitcoin.”

Sounds like paradise.

I’ll stop there and let the inmates here get back to their beloved dependency on a corporate war-mongering government while sticking their noses into everyone’s business and telling them how to live their lives… but you vote for the lesser-of-two-evils, so it’s all good…

39

Ed Herdman 12.17.13 at 9:25 pm

@ Dragon-King: I guess a bit of realpolitik just slipped in by accident.

@ mpower69: I don’t particularly have a problem with the description either, except for what it reveals about what weighs on the libertarian mind and what their interests are…

40

Substance McGravitas 12.17.13 at 9:29 pm

It MUST be paradise to be ready to kill every day, right? A thrill-ride of a life. But you may need a meth lab nearby to stay awake: the bad guys invade when THEY like, not when YOU like.

41

Ed Herdman 12.17.13 at 9:46 pm

As we all know, meth labs create unique opportunities for entrepreneurs to start up toxic clean-up businesses. Can’t balk at a steep payment, though, or you might get a Viking burial in the pot fields. And that would be a good thing, because the contract is sacrosanct. Zombies and burning to death in your own pot field – motivators for libertarians.

42

Ed Herdman 12.17.13 at 9:47 pm

Er, I meant standing up for LGBT rights. Pot haze makes it difficult to stay on-message sometimes.

43

Substance McGravitas 12.17.13 at 9:48 pm

I’m hungry. You hungry?

44

godoggo 12.17.13 at 9:51 pm

Just saw that commercial taken from the Herzog documentary, with the guy who knocked off a carload full of Amish because he was texting “I love you” while driving. Did it while he was all grown up, too. And now he’s Scott-free, apparently. Walking the streets. Even got a nice, forgiving letter from the Amish. Does this drive you crazy?

45

godoggo 12.17.13 at 9:52 pm

Wrong thread.

46

Ed Herdman 12.17.13 at 10:01 pm

On the contrary – I think that helps put everything into perspective! That said, I definitely expect a Scots hemp farmer wouldn’t get much help from their Amish friends…and they wouldn’t want it anyway!

47

Barry Freed 12.17.13 at 10:27 pm

@mpower69

“In a #libertarian future, married #LGBT couples could defend their marijuana field with fully-automatic 3-D printed assault rifles bought with #Bitcoin.”

Sounds like paradise

You’ll shoot your eye out.

48

BruceJ 12.19.13 at 3:30 pm

@mpower69 ” but you vote for the lesser-of-two-evils, so it’s all good…”

Not to belabor the point, but yes, you get the LESSER evil that way. Rooting for the greater evil is objectively evil.

49

CaptFamous 12.19.13 at 10:06 pm

Aren’t Bitcoins really just a limited-supply money-laundering vessel? As in, you buy contraband in secret with Bitcoins, then that same person you bought the drugs from sells you the Bitcoins back in a legal transaction involving actual money. The limited supply vs. demand leads to a scenario like getting a table reservation at Chez Weed, except that instead of putting in your name or waiting in line, you pay cash for the right to go next.

It makes more sense to me if I think of it this way, like a commodity, instead of as a currency.

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