We recently had the dubious pleasure of watching CNN in a hotel room — Bill Schneider was analysing poll figures concerning whether America should attempt to put a stop to the fighting in Lebanon. It reminded me why I maintain a boycott of stupid news, but it also supplied me with the third of my three wishes, each prompted by recent experiences.
My first wish was prompted by hearing an old radio outside braodcast report. The reporter was watching the Crystal Palace burning to the ground. After a few minutes he said “Well, I don’t have any more useful information, so perhaps you should give some other news”. My second was prompted by hearing the music playing in The Gap when I made a rare trip, accompanying a friend.
1. I wish I could hear a contemporary reporter on TV acknowledge that he has nothing more interesting to say.
2. I wish I could walk in to a regular store and hear Roy Harper singing “I Hate the White Man” followed by Kevin Coyne singing “Lunatic” (from what I still think is his greatest album). Or just either one would do.
3. I wish I could hear an analyst of a foreign policy opinion poll on the TV say “well, that’s what the distribution of opinion is among the public. But, youo know, this is a complicated and difficult matter, about which intellectually honest people who are well informed and have given it a good deal of thought, do not know with much certainty what should be done. So, really, the opinion of the British/French/American/Whateverian public isn’t worth paying any attention to, because almost everyone who answered this poll knows virtually nothing about the issue, and has given it even less thought”.
Just once, in each case, would be brilliant.
3 wishes then; the rule is that their realisation would not materially benefit or harm anyone you care about (other than, I suppose, Roy Harper and Kevin Coyne’s estate, in my case).
{ 16 comments }
Brendan 08.10.06 at 5:13 pm
At the moment one of my key wishes is that the TV announcer would say: ‘I have been told, off the record, by MI5 agents, that the terrorists may have been planning to use liquid explosives. Unfortunately because I am an arts graduate with a post-grad in media studies, I have absolutely no concept as to what that might possibly mean. I have also been told that the fact that liquid explosives may (or may not) be easier to carry through customs than solid explosives, and that they may (or may not) be easy to conceal in fizzy drink cans or bottles of aftershave or similar. Due, to repeat, to my complete lack of knowledge of chemistry, or any of the ‘hard’ sciences, I have absolutely no way to gauge the veracity of these statements. Other subjects I lack the knowledge to comment on intelligently include: whether the planned attacks involved the help of Al-Qaeda, whether Al-Qaeda still exists as an organised entity, how close we were to the actual time of the attack, how dangerous this plot really was, who was involved or what their motives might have been. In fact, my sole purpose in being here is to give the impression that my network is ‘covering’ this incident, (despite the absence of anything remotely resembling hard facts as to what was planned, by whom or why), and I will continue to pass on unattributed factoids passed to us by ‘experts’ most of whom are as ignorant as ourselves, and the worthless opinions of members of the general public, who actually do know even less than I do, until I run out of breath or spontaneously combust with self importance. Thank you. Kent Brockman, WTF news.’
abb1 08.10.06 at 6:00 pm
Suppose your wishes were granted – would it make you more likely to buy whatever products these people are advertising? If not – forget it, these are unreasonable requests. Whatever they do, they don’t do it to make you happy, they are trying to sell something.
Adam Kotsko 08.10.06 at 7:07 pm
I wish that the City of Chicago would choose What is to be done? for its “One City, One Book” program (or whatever it’s called).
I wish that one of Bush’s carefully screened audiences would nonetheless laugh and jeer him off the stage.
I wish that one “talking heads” show discussing religion and politics would have an ultra-liberal minister as its sole representative for the Christian religion.
j.l. 08.10.06 at 7:16 pm
or,
3. I wish I could hear an analyst of a foreign policy opinion poll on the TV say “well, that’s what the distribution of opinion is among the public. But, you know, this is a complicated and difficult matter, about which intellectually honest people who are well informed and have given it a good deal of thought, have unfortunately been distracted by the comforting security of their tenure. To make matters worse, those wielding control of the world’s largest military forces have little, if any, reason to take under consideration the circumstance of public opinion as represented by television polls.
Ian 08.10.06 at 8:35 pm
Wish 2: Are you sure you want this, Henry? I’ve never been into a Gap store and my self-image trajectory makes it unlikely that I ever will; but if I do, I want the experience to fulfill certain expectations. Likewise, if I went into a supermarket and heard a Shostakovich string quartet instead of Celine Dion, I’d become disoriented and forget what I came in for. Sometimes nature’s law is best.
lemuel pitkin 08.10.06 at 9:54 pm
really, the opinion of the British/French/American/Whateverian public isn’t worth paying any attention to
It would be interesting to develop the political implications of this view.
Tracy W 08.10.06 at 10:29 pm
I once managed to get a report to the government through saying “We don’t know why this happened”. (These might not be the exact words, but it was something as blunt).
It was a good feeling.
tps12 08.11.06 at 12:12 am
Brendan, which fields of study in university would have offered any guidance in determining, say, Al Qaeda’s involvement in a given activity?
Dan Simon 08.11.06 at 12:38 am
But, youo know, this is a complicated and difficult matter, about which intellectually honest people who are well informed and have given it a good deal of thought, do not know with much certainty what should be done. So, really, the opinion of the British/French/American/Whateverian public isn’t worth paying any attention to, because almost everyone who answered this poll knows virtually nothing about the issue, and has given it even less thoughtâ€.
I’m reminded of the scene in Ishiguro’s Remains of the Day, in which butler/protagonist Stevens gets a politics quiz from his Nazi-sympathizing British employer, Lord Darlington. Stevens disavows all knowledge and understanding of the world, in appropriately obsequious fashion, and Darlington walks away satisfied that he’s proven the foolishness of the democratic system, and thus, presumably, the superiority of rule by elitist aristocrats such as himself.
Nowadays, of course, it’s widely understood that even the consensus of learned experts in a particular field can easily be badly misguided–particularly outside the hard sciences; that openness to corrective feedback is far more important, in the long term, than technocratic sophistication when formulating public policy; that “the wisdom of crowds” usually works much better than one would intuitively infer from the intelligence and knowledge of the average crowd member; and that as an empirical matter, democratic citizenries actually acquit themselves pretty creditably in retrospect–particularly when compared with the alternatives.
So it’s unlikely that any sensible, self-respecting thinker in 2006 would ever emulate Lord Darlington’s faulty logical leap from low regard for the erudition of the typical individual citizen to supercilious contempt for aggregate public opinion.
Right?
Brendan 08.11.06 at 2:06 am
‘Brendan, which fields of study in university would have offered any guidance in determining, say, Al Qaeda’s involvement in a given activity?’
Off the top of my head, things that would help: an ability to speak Arabic, and ability to speak Persian, a history degree specialising in the history of the Middle East, especially 20th century history, a degree in engineering, a degre in chemistry, specialising in explosives or aeronautics, a degree in various topics in the history of Israel especially concerning its history with its neighbours: alternatively some qualification in criminology, with special reference to modern Islamic terrorism…d’ya sorta see what I’m saying here?
But you probably get sick of seeing TV journalists with those sort of qualifications don’t you? Know it alls.
bi 08.11.06 at 3:32 am
Dan Simon: I think the real point is, if you’re going to ignore aggregate public opinion, why in the blazes did you ask for it in the first place?
tps12: Probably something related to Creation Science.
pedro 08.11.06 at 6:59 am
The wisdom of what crowds, Dan S.? The American public, perhaps? Or should we trust that because it is a larger crowd, world public opinion is wiser than the American public on global matters like the War on Terror (TM)?
M. Gordon 08.11.06 at 9:51 am
You know what they say: Everybody loves a crowd.
M. Gordon 08.11.06 at 9:51 am
(Crowds have feelings, too.)
Ophelia Benson 08.11.06 at 11:11 am
(It’s Harry, not Henry)
“So, really, the opinion of the British/French/American/Whateverian public isn’t worth paying any attention to, because almost everyone who answered this poll knows virtually nothing about the issue, and has given it even less thought.”
Well exactly. A commenter at B&W the other day expressed a (polite, hedged) regret at lack of discussion of Lebanon mess there and I answered pretty much exactly that. I know virtually nothing and my opinions are obvious and like everyone else’s; any contribution I would make would be worthless.
My main wish though is that news talkers would stop referring to absolutely everything as a ‘community’.
MikeN 08.11.06 at 3:49 pm
I do remember being totally shocked many years ago watching “This Week” when David Brinkley turned to George Will and asked him “Do you have anything to say on this issue?” and George simply said “No”
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