Your Alan Keyes Moment of the Day

by Kieran Healy on September 8, 2004

Alan Keyes “said today”: that “Christ would not vote for Barack Obama,” apparently because Obama is pro-choice. But clearly the reason that Jesus would not vote for Obama is that there is just no way He would move from California to Illinois in the first place.



cs 09.08.04 at 3:46 am

Thanks. I needed that.


marksteen 09.08.04 at 6:49 am

Where would Jesus live? Not Syracuse.


ArchPundit 09.08.04 at 7:47 am

Ah, but you missed the fun part–when Keyes says Obama is being racist for wanting to spank Keyes.

Spank and Keyes in the same sentence made me think of self-hedonism first.


John 09.08.04 at 3:16 pm

Damn Christians, always with the gay bondage. “The Passion of The Christ”? Gay bondage snuff film. Nearly every annoying crappily made intellectually masturbatory apocryphal end times movie my parents made me sit through when I was a lad involved men torturing men for some reason or another. Go look up “SIX: The Mark Unleashed”, and try to watch it without laughing.


mona 09.08.04 at 5:04 pm

Where would Jesus live? Not Syracuse.

Considering he only spoke ancient Hebrew, I guess he would have to take some language courses before moving to the US, if he were to choose so (spinoff: would Jesus choose to live in US?). I’d recommend the British Council. They’ve got a centre in Nazareth too, so it would be most convenient.

Which also means, Keyes may be correct after all – if Jesus had only recently immigrated into the US, and hadn’t become a citizen yet, he wouldn’t be able to vote for Obama, or anyone else.

Another problem is, once Jesus becomes a US citizen, would his vote count the same as any ordinary human being? does a son of a god deserve more than a ballot? if so, how many? 1,000, 10,000, 100,000, a million, all? is Jesus compatible with democracy?

He’d better have some answers, next time.


Keith 09.08.04 at 5:27 pm

Last I heard, Jesus was ineligable to vote in the US, not being a citizen and all.


doug 09.08.04 at 6:14 pm

I was part of a weekly bible study group for several decades. To the best of my recollection, Jesus never mentioned abortion. So who are these people who know what Jesus thinks ?

A quick search confirms my memory:
Search Results (The Holman Christian Standard Bible)
Search Error
Your search query for ‘abortion’ did not return any results. Please modify your search query and try again.
And this is a site which could reliably be expected to find the verse, since by its own admission:
“We are a for-profit religious corporation”
Money-changers, anyone ?

You couldn’t make this stuff up.


Keith Gaughan 09.08.04 at 6:54 pm

Mona, it was Aramaic Jesus spoke, not Hebrew. Point still stands though. :)


Katherine 09.09.04 at 4:02 pm

You know who has the hardest job in American politics right now? The person playing Alan Keyes in Barack Obama’s debate-prep sessions.


Kieran Healy 09.10.04 at 1:28 am

Mona, it was Aramaic Jesus spoke

Guess he’d move to Arabama then.

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