No Child Left Behind … Alive

by Kieran Healy on November 4, 2004

A National Guard F-16 “strafed an elementary school in New Jersey”: last night with 25 rounds from its “M61-A1 Vulcan Cannon”:

bq.  A National Guard F-16 fighter jet on a nighttime training mission strafed an elementary school with 25 rounds of ammunition, authorities said Thursday. No one was injured. The military is investigating the incident that damaged Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School shortly after 11 p.m. Police were called when a custodian who was the only person in the school at the time heard what sounded like someone running across the roof. Police Chief Mark Siino said officers noticed punctures in the roof. Ceiling tiles had fallen into classrooms, and there were scratch marks in the asphalt outside.

I take it this is an early warning of the attack on the Blue States that will be launched early in the new year, after Colin Powell makes a presentation to the U.N. demonstrating the existence in New Jersey of large “research”: and “production facilities”: most likely devoted to the manufacture of lethal chemical weapons.



kevin donoghue 11.05.04 at 12:02 am

Now is the time to demand that all memos relating to this pilot’s medical history, alcohol consumption and availability for duty be made public. When he becomes president it will be too late.


Shelby 11.05.04 at 12:23 am

Hey, New Jersey had its opportunity to vote Republican. It has no one but itself to blame.


Andrew McManama-Smith 11.05.04 at 12:23 am

Good thing I’m moving back to Japan…


neil 11.05.04 at 1:03 am

Whose idea was it to put an elementary school three and a half miles away from a test firing range?

Or more gruesomely, whose idea was it to put a test firing range three and a half miles away from an elementary school?


Shelby 11.05.04 at 1:12 am


Read the story. The range has been used by the military since the end of World War II, long before this area of south Jersey was developed.

So, the community decided to build the school there. Not that it seems so unreasonable to expect the world’s greatest air force to come within 3.5 miles of its targets…


Robin Green 11.05.04 at 1:19 am

When I saw this post the first thing I thought was that maybe it was some gruesome, black satire about an event in Iraq or Palestine. Thank goodness it wasn’t.


Chris 11.05.04 at 1:35 am

Isn’t it a nice change to read about an incident where no-one was killed? This was a GOOD news story.


SteveoBrien 11.05.04 at 1:36 am

I’m trying to determine the motivation or purpose of this article.

How did “no child left behind” or the election get into this story?

If someone’s cat got run over by a car on Nov. 2 is that the fault of the Republicans too?


Tom T. 11.05.04 at 1:43 am

Steve, it’s just satire, and very funny, IMO.


Barry Freed 11.05.04 at 1:54 am

Yes chris, that’s true. But why don’t we hear any news stories about the many thousands of schools in the US that weren’t strafed this week. Damned liberal media!


jif 11.05.04 at 2:03 am

Another guard jet dropped a small bomb on the Appalachian trail in southeastern Pennsylvania about two weeks ago. I thought of that as part of the Dick Cheney “Vote for us or die” campaign strategy. I guess they’re following through?

Steve: Of course a Democratic cat death on Nov. 2nd is the fault of the Republicans. Just like any time a bomb goes off in Fallujah it’s the fault of the “liberal media.” Just ask Ann Coulter.


Kieran Healy 11.05.04 at 2:11 am

I’m trying to determine the motivation or purpose of this article. How did “no child left behind” or the election get into this story?

C’mon Steve, lighten up! You guys _won_ the election, remember?


jet 11.05.04 at 3:16 am

When Bush said he wanted to “reach out” and “heal” the rift in America, he meant reach out with 20mm explosive rounds, and that the healing would be done in the hospital.

Haven’t you learned to read between the lines yet?


Dubious 11.05.04 at 4:39 am

That is hilarious. And Kevin’s comment takes the cake.


anon 11.05.04 at 10:03 am

Hey, if you guys think this is crazy, I’ve heard that in some other parts of the world, the US Air Force strafes and bombs civilian buildings all the time! And people do frequently get hurt and killed in these incidents!


yabonn 11.05.04 at 10:09 am

That school was unable to prove that it didn’t harbor kite related program activities. Operation “Bomb r Us” was decided in order to enforce the no-fly zone declared on blue states.

Let’s all pray for the troops.

– Scott McClellan


dsquared 11.05.04 at 11:14 am

The Reuters report on this story suggests that the pilot strafed the school “by mistake”. I’m hoping that some devotee of JL Austin will write in to them and tell them they mean “by accident”.


Ken Houghton 11.05.04 at 2:40 pm

Did none of you map “Little Egg Harbor” to the county-by-county map of voting? Ocean County went for Bush by a wide margin.(143,797 to 92,621 per USA Today)

Clearly, this was just another seditious soldier, as Rudy G. will assure us soon, no doubt.

At least when we attacked the Chinese embassy it was because the map was out of date, not because we missed by miles.


Paul 11.05.04 at 3:25 pm

This must be that new faith-based targeting I’ve heard about.

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