Friday Fun Thread: Animal Planet week continues

by Ted on February 11, 2005

My beloved fiancee received two hermit crabs for Christmas. Due to pressures both foreign and domestic, she has not named the crabs yet, and has consistently (cruelly, some would say) rejected my suggestions.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

(pictured: a very similar hermit crab)

Luckily, I have the wisdom of crowds on my side. If any commentor suggests a pair of names for two hermit crabs which are adopted by my fiancee, I’ll donate $20 to Habitat for Humanity in his or her name.

{ 116 comments }

1

Guy 02.11.05 at 7:16 pm

Ted,

Share some of the names that you came up with!

2

Ted Barlow 02.11.05 at 7:36 pm

I don’t really remember. I do remember that I was a strong advocate for Joey and Johnny. I thought that they nicely complemented the name of our dog, Ramona. The judges were not swayed.

3

Uncle Kvetch 02.11.05 at 7:36 pm

Hermit & Hismit.

4

Randy Paul 02.11.05 at 7:47 pm

How about Cake and Cocktail :-)

5

Randy Paul 02.11.05 at 7:48 pm

How about Cake and Cocktail :-)

6

Uncle Kvetch 02.11.05 at 7:56 pm

Gannon & Guckert?

7

Bill Tozier 02.11.05 at 7:58 pm

Having had hermit crabs as pets a couple of times, I will suggest

Stop that Nocturnal Clunking Noise This Instant!

and

Wait — Where’d He Go?

8

x 02.11.05 at 7:58 pm

“Hermit & Hismit.”

LOL. I vote for that one. But how do we know they’re a male and a female?

9

r 02.11.05 at 7:59 pm

leon and sophie

10

HP 02.11.05 at 8:03 pm

Buster & Body

11

Barbara Tozier 02.11.05 at 8:05 pm

Fafnir & Giblets. What else?

12

Jerky 02.11.05 at 8:05 pm

Dr. Zoidberg and Clamps

13

HP 02.11.05 at 8:05 pm

Buster & Body

(Or possibly 503 and Server Error, in honor of CT. Watch me double-post.)

14

x 02.11.05 at 8:06 pm

“I do remember that I was a strong advocate for Joey and Johnny.”

Ok then I guess there’s no female in there. Too bad.

(I almost read “Joey and Chandler” instead… errr…)

Unoriginally, hermit made me think of Kermit, so, my shameless suggestion: Kermit and Elmo. Ouch.

15

Jerky 02.11.05 at 8:06 pm

Dr. Zoidberg and Clamps

16

Jeremy Osner 02.11.05 at 8:07 pm

Chad and Jeremy? Salt n Peppah?

17

rea 02.11.05 at 8:09 pm

18

Cryptic Ned 02.11.05 at 8:10 pm

Go badass.

Venom and Crusher.

19

Ted Barlow 02.11.05 at 8:10 pm

We don’t know what their genders are, and it’s likely that we never will. Don’t let that constrain your imagination.

(I love “Stop that Nocturnal Clunking Noise This Instant!” The quiet scraping and clunking frequently reminds me of the old Steven King story “The Bogeyman”. Not that I’m chicken.)

20

lordwhorfin 02.11.05 at 8:12 pm

Frannie and Zoe

21

cleek 02.11.05 at 8:19 pm

Anomura and Paguridae

22

Mary Kay 02.11.05 at 8:23 pm

You could curry favor with your fellow CT-ites and name them John and Belle. But then they’d have to get a blog.

You could name them J.D. and Greta, after famous human hermits.

MKK

23

Scott Spiegelberg 02.11.05 at 8:26 pm

Herman and Derek (or Keith, or Karl, or Barry).

Herman’s Hermits

24

Michael Davies 02.11.05 at 8:28 pm

El Bombastico and Un Hombre Muy Magnifico.

25

Michael Davies 02.11.05 at 8:30 pm

How about El Bombastico and Un Hombre Muy Magnifico?

26

jif 02.11.05 at 8:32 pm

Trixie and Bubbles.

27

athena 02.11.05 at 8:34 pm

fanny & alexander

28

Matt Weiner 02.11.05 at 8:48 pm

If not Anthony and Giles for hermits, then Statler and Waldorf for crabs?

29

Jay Conner 02.11.05 at 8:49 pm

As hermits, the live in the Hermit Kingdom, right ?

How about Amaterasu and Omikami.

30

Aaron 02.11.05 at 8:49 pm

You gave her crabs? OMG!

How about Itchy and Scratchy?

31

SloLernr 02.11.05 at 8:49 pm

Pride and Prejudice
Fons and Origo
Vine and Fig-tree

32

nihil obstet 02.11.05 at 8:52 pm

Cranky and crusty (Well, they are CRABS!!!)

33

Aaron 02.11.05 at 8:53 pm

You gave her crabs? OMG!

How about Itchy and Scratchy?

34

Aaron 02.11.05 at 8:54 pm

You gave her crabs? OMG!

How about Itchy and Scratchy?

35

Aaron 02.11.05 at 9:00 pm

Sorry about the multiples. I kept getting 404s and when I went back and refreshed, the post weren’t there.

36

luckymann 02.11.05 at 9:06 pm

lola & verne (my parents bridge partners)

tristan & isolde

charles & camilla

37

djs 02.11.05 at 9:11 pm

*******************************

Beanie & Cecil

*******************************

38

Robert Johnson 02.11.05 at 9:17 pm

Crab Calloway and Crabby Hayes

39

Walt Pohl 02.11.05 at 9:27 pm

Skitter and Scatter

40

cleek 02.11.05 at 9:36 pm

Bill and Hillary

FYI, using this fun tool, check out how Hillary™ apparently killed-off the name “Hillary”

41

Jay Conner 02.11.05 at 9:38 pm

Whoops, wrong country for Hermit Kingdom. Make it Yogi and Togi, Korean for here and there.

42

Chris Clarke 02.11.05 at 9:48 pm

Flash and Speedy?

43

fdl 02.11.05 at 9:56 pm

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern

44

Redshift 02.11.05 at 10:04 pm

John the Baptist and Obi-wan Kenobi? (Crabby hermits :-)

45

LizardBreath 02.11.05 at 10:07 pm

Given the shortlived nature of hermit crabs, that last seems like an unnecessarily heartless set-up for not all that much of a punchline.

46

LizardBreath 02.11.05 at 10:10 pm

Sorry, last post referred to Rosencrantz & Guildenstern.

47

Robert B in DC 02.11.05 at 10:39 pm

How about Claude & Claudette?

48

Anita Hendersen 02.11.05 at 10:57 pm

Are you making fun of The Wisdom of Crowds? I just checked that book out the library this morning and will start reading this weekend. I hope you’re not dismissing it.

49

bob mcmanus 02.11.05 at 10:58 pm

My dogs are named Bonnie & Clyde, but you can’t have it.

Hesse & Heydrich?

Munster & Mankiewicz?

50

Eric Anderson 02.11.05 at 11:21 pm

How about Ethan and Mattie?

51

ogmb 02.11.05 at 11:24 pm

I was a strong advocate for Joey and Johnny

Are you a Calexico fan by any chance?

52

totallyGreg 02.12.05 at 12:02 am

From the Muppet Show Box seats.

Waldorf & Statler

53

The Editors 02.12.05 at 12:02 am

The Captain and Tenille.

optionally:

Simon and Simon.

54

John Isbell 02.12.05 at 12:26 am

Ever and anon.

55

des von bladet 02.12.05 at 12:34 am

Fred ‘n’ Ginger!
Bonnie ‘n’ Clyde!
Laurel ‘n’ Hardy!
Lennon ‘n’ MacCartney!
Tom ‘n’ Jerry!
Gilbert ‘n’ Sullivan!
Peaches ‘n’ Creme!
Mango ‘n’ Chutney!
Serbo ‘n’ Croat!
Banger ‘n’ Mash!
Fish ‘n’ Chips!
Pinky ‘n’ Perky!
Sooty ‘n’ Sweep!
Majikthijs ‘n’ Vroomfondel!
Ford ‘n’ Arthur!
Zaphod ‘n’ Trillian!
Bosnia ‘n’ Herzogovina!
Serbia ‘n’ Montenegro!
Gin ‘n’ Tonic!
Whisk(e)y ‘n’ Coke!
Wodka ‘n’ Orange!
Gilbert ‘n’ Sullivan!
Rogers ‘n’ Hart

Is there a shortage, round your way?

56

Jackmormon 02.12.05 at 1:13 am

I’m with LizardBreath–give them names that will enoble their deaths.

John the Baptist and John of Patmos?

57

fyreflye 02.12.05 at 1:15 am

Dumb and Dumber

58

bad Jim 02.12.05 at 1:44 am

Click and Clack

59

Shai 02.12.05 at 2:11 am

60

Jon H 02.12.05 at 2:11 am

Harold & Maude

Nicky & Paris

Hepburn & Tracy

Wallace & Gromit

61

Movie Guy 02.12.05 at 2:15 am

doo wah diddy

dum diddy doo

(she can sing their names, too)

doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo…

(all join in)

[applause]

62

Jon H 02.12.05 at 2:15 am

Brooks and Safire?

63

Bernard Yomtov 02.12.05 at 2:24 am

Pete and Repeat?

64

katy 02.12.05 at 2:59 am

Vladimir and Estragon

65

biz 02.12.05 at 3:03 am

Up is Down

and

Down is Up

66

Anonymous 02.12.05 at 3:30 am

I named my crabs Claud and Shelly

67

Anonymous 02.12.05 at 3:31 am

I named my crabs Claud and Shelly

68

Anonymous 02.12.05 at 3:32 am

I named my crabs Claud and Shelly

69

peter ramus 02.12.05 at 4:00 am

Nebula and Apple would be new-age nice. But how about Keats and Chapman for that classic touch?

70

Rowen Blake 02.12.05 at 5:11 am

Nest and Rest

71

anon 02.12.05 at 5:29 am

car and cdr

72

Slithy Tove 02.12.05 at 5:35 am

If they’re living together in the same tank, they’re obviously NOT hermit crabs. They’re cenobite crabs.

Therefore: Pinhead and Chatterer.

73

JP 02.12.05 at 6:02 am

DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince

74

susan 02.12.05 at 6:19 am

Charles and Camilla

75

bad Jim 02.12.05 at 7:39 am

Clause and Deflect?

76

Nabakov 02.12.05 at 11:55 am

Sushi and Sashimi
Oscar and Felix
Castor and Pollox (don’t try loudly calling them home)
H1 and H2
The Amazing Rondos!
Crunch! and Oh Shit!
Mayo and Butter
Mel and Danny (from ‘Lethal Claws 1’)
Charles and Pamela

77

Nabakov 02.12.05 at 12:09 pm

Fuck,I meant Charles and Camillia. But I see luckyman beat me to it anyway.

OK, Di and Dodi.

Crabsky and Hutch
Butch Hermit and the Sundance Shell
Henry Crun and Minnie Bannister
Alien and Predator
Ludwig and Karl

From my own experience with hermit crabs, you can coax em out of their shells, into they’ve retreated and blocked the entrance with that big flat claw when you pick ’em up, by whistling very high pitched yet close and quiet. Try it. It does work.

78

Anonymous 02.12.05 at 2:14 pm

How about taking them down to the seaside where they belong?

79

liz 02.12.05 at 2:15 pm

Abelard and Heloise

80

R J Keefe 02.12.05 at 3:00 pm

Albin and Renato

81

Uncle Kvetch 02.12.05 at 3:14 pm

Sushi and Sashimi

I knew a woman who had Siamese cats by those names.

I have a friend who once had goldfish named Macaroni & Cheese.

As a child, I had gerbils named Lucy & Linus.

I must avoid this thread or I’m not going to get a thing done today.

(And besides, I still stand behind my two suggestions supra: Hermit & Hismit, or Gannon & Guckert. No wait, scratch the latter; it may be too short-term topical. I have a 16-year-old cat named Raisa, which made perfect sense in 1989, given the high visibility of Mme Gorbachev. But today, you’d be surprised how many people say “That’s a pretty name. Did you make it up?”)

OK, now I’m really getting out of here…

82

cleek 02.12.05 at 3:34 pm

Mr Crabs and Patrick

83

katherine 02.12.05 at 4:10 pm

siskel and ebert
pinchy and mojo
sacco and vanzetti
simon and garfunkel
teenwolf and teenwolf too

84

A Nonymous 02.12.05 at 4:12 pm

I named my crabs Claude and Shelly.

85

consigliere 02.12.05 at 4:16 pm

Bubble and Squeak
Tessio and Clemenza
Rico and Youngblood?

86

maurinsky 02.12.05 at 4:40 pm

Merry & Pippin
Mr. Krabs & Plankton
Aziraphale & Crowley

87

jw 02.12.05 at 5:19 pm

Kaczynski & Hughes

88

Jason McCullough 02.12.05 at 6:57 pm

Worker & Parasite.

89

Jason McCullough 02.12.05 at 6:58 pm

Worker & Parasite.

90

Jon H 02.12.05 at 7:40 pm

Strange & Norrell

(Or, Drawlight & Lascelles)

Johnson & Boswell

91

Jon H 02.12.05 at 7:41 pm

Strange & Norrell

(Or, Drawlight & Lascelles)

Johnson & Boswell

92

clueless 02.12.05 at 11:12 pm

Crabbe & Goyle

93

Ereshkigal 02.12.05 at 11:26 pm

Cancer and Chemo.

94

CaseyL 02.12.05 at 11:55 pm

They better be very different sizes or be in very different-looking shells or you can use one name for both, since you won’t be able to tell them apart.

That being said:

Slip and Slide
Button and Hook
Larry and Curly
Moe and Shemp
Amas and Amat (then, if you get a third hermie…Amo!)
Invino and Veritas
Homer and Virgil

…and I better stop, *right now.*

95

JeffL 02.13.05 at 12:01 am

Rocky & Bullwinkle!

96

Jon H 02.13.05 at 12:51 am

Ayn and Nathaniel

97

Jon H 02.13.05 at 12:51 am

Ayn and Nathaniel

98

Scott Spiegelberg 02.13.05 at 12:51 am

Canon and Nanoc (music joke).

99

jdevries 02.13.05 at 1:09 am

I’m suprised no one has said:
Tweedledum and Tweedledee

100

rwc 02.13.05 at 1:11 am

sid & nancy
george & laura

101

gratefulbead 02.13.05 at 1:45 am

amos & moses

102

Nabakov 02.13.05 at 3:38 am

caseyl, to tell ’em apart, you paint the names on the shells – along with some nice racing stripes if yer so inclined.

Bogie & Bacall
Godzilla & Gojira
Little Boy & Fatman
Kirk & Spock
Dubya & Bambi
Fluffy & Cuddles
Brutus & Spike

103

Pheidias 02.13.05 at 4:23 am

I affectionately call my daughter’s goldfish
Sushi and Sashimi

104

entity 02.13.05 at 4:27 am

-Doofus and Goober
-Antony and Cleopatra
-Slip and Shod
-Incrab and Outcrab (philosophy joke, ask Kieran to ask L.A.)
-Nook and Cranny
-Ontology and Philology (to be decided upon by which one recapitulates which)
-Mr. Fantastic and She-Hulk
-Essence and Accident
-Tit and Tat
-Hodge and Podge
-Willy and Nilly
-Hoi and Polloi
-Flotsam and Jetsam
-Balder and Dash
-Flim and Flam
-Helter and Skelter
-Etc. and etcetera

105

Randolph Fritz 02.13.05 at 5:58 am

Charm and strangeness?

106

Uncle Kvetch 02.13.05 at 3:16 pm

Gemeinschaft & Gesellschaft.

107

a pie cooling on a windowsill 02.13.05 at 6:30 pm

Morbidly Obese and Anal Avalanche

108

a pie cooling on a windowsill 02.13.05 at 6:31 pm

Morbidly Obese and Anal Avalanche

109

Gozer 02.14.05 at 4:40 am

Stalin & Beria

110

Larv 02.14.05 at 6:57 am

Kang and Kodos?

111

rebecca 02.14.05 at 4:53 pm

Has anyone suggested Lennon and McCartney?
Goofus and Gallant?
John-John and Carolyn?
Ebert and Roper? Siskel and Ebert?
Meat and Potatoes?
Frank and Earnest?
Richler and Coen?
Ghost and Steve?

112

Jon H 02.14.05 at 8:18 pm

“You could curry favor with your fellow CT-ites and name them John and Belle. But then they’d have to get a blog.”

Ooh, I like that.

You could put a sign up over them, saying “John and Belle Have A Cage”

(or A Tank, or A Shell, or whatever)

113

Jackmormon 02.15.05 at 6:31 pm

You will let us know what names they end up with, won’t you?

114

Michael 02.16.05 at 1:58 am

How about “Obi-Wan” and “Zarathustra”?

“Blake” and “Shell(e)y”?

“Mary” and “Percy”?

“Page” and “Plant”?

“Kruschev” and “Castro”?

“Asterix” and “Obelix”?

“Wordsworth” and “Coleridge”?

“Starsky” and “Hutch”?

“Peaches” and “Herb”?

“Ben” and “Jerry”?

“Butch” and “Sundance”?

“Elton” and “Bernie”?

115

Nabakov 02.16.05 at 2:40 am

And you will donate the $20 to Habitats for Hermanity?

116

bad Jim 02.17.05 at 10:24 am

His & Hers
Dead or Alive
Crusty & Flaky
Candide, or Optimism
Wit and its relation to the unconscious

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