His spirit and conscience hung boldly in the air while the rain outside continued to come down in the greatest flood

by John Holbo on January 26, 2005

A plucky gang of writing chums thwarts the plots of nefarious vanity publisher – and a few others besides. Plots, that is. It’s A Nest of Ninnies meets Carl Hiassen and John Grisham and they all drink each other under the table together. Here’s how it all happened. Here are links to supporting documentation. It’s "certain to resonate with an audience." A selection from chapter 2:

    His old friend, Isadore, shook his massive head at him.  "We know how it must be to have a lot of money but no working car," he said, the harsh Macon County drawl of his voice softened by his years in Atlanta high society.  "It’s my pleasure to bring you back to your fancy apartment, and we’re all so happy that y’all is still alive.  Y’all could have been killed in that dreadful wreck."  Isadore paused to put on the turn signal before making a safe turn across rush-hour traffic into the parking lot of Bruce Lucent’s luxury apartment building.  "Y’all’ll gets a new car on Monday."
    "I don’t know how I’ll be able to drive it with my arm in a cast," Bruce Lucent shoots back.  "It’s lucky I wasn’t killed outright like so many people are when they have horrid automobile wrecks."
    "Fortunately, fast and efficient Emergency Medical Services, based on a program founded by Lyndon Baines Johnson the 36th President of the United States helped y’all survive an otherwise, deadly crash," Isadore chuckled.  He nodded his head toward the towering apartment building, in the very shadow of Peachtree Avenue, where Bruce lived his luxurious life.  So young, yet so wealthy, based on his skills as an expert software developer.
    "I don’t feel very fortunate," Bruce complained as his friend helped him from the low-slung red car, "I hurt all over and I don’t remember a thing after I left that bar over on Martin Avenue.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the police didn’t want to talk to me about what happened.  Not that I could help them because I don’t remember anything" he added as an afterthought.
    Isadore pulled the collapsible wheelchair that he’d bought at Saint Irene’s Hospital from the open trunk of his new Maserati and unfolded it on the curb beside where Bruce painfully stood, his recent ordeal only recently over.  He helped his chum sit in the new wheelchair, and then pushed it rapidly toward the gleaming doors of the high-rise tower. The soft Southern breeze blew the sweet scent of magnolias over them as he said, "This is certainly something new for me."
    "Never say that," he replied.

Via s1ingularity.

But the best writing is still to be found here. Ask yourself. "Can water die?" 

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04.13.05 at 1:10 pm



John Quiggin 01.26.05 at 9:25 pm

The Maserati model information is missing! Any decent writer would tell you whether it was a Spyder Cambiocorsa or a Spyder GT, and include at least a hint on the specs


Jackmormon 01.27.05 at 5:46 pm

Here’s another priceless bit from chapter two:

“Dammit, yes,” Bruce Lucent repeated, looking at this vision of feminine lust on two feet, “I’ve been in the lousy hospital and they don’t let you have a little drink there,” he opined. “Then I want to get to my new computer so I can check on my hot stock options and write more on my best-selling software development. I’ve wasted too much time locked in that smelly hospital. It’s full of sick, people.” Penelope and Isadore looked at each other, as only two redheads can look at one another as Bruce delivered himself of this comment.

It’s filled with sick indeed, people.


Ken Houghton 01.31.05 at 2:22 pm

But, JohnH, Chapter 34 is the Wave of the Future. The opening ‘graf:

“Bruce walked around any more. Some people might ought to her practiced eye, at her. I am so silky and braid shoulders. At sixty-six, men with a few feet away form their languid gazes.”

One can only wish to be able to write a sentence as transcendent as that last.


Paula Helm Murray 01.31.05 at 2:54 pm

That’s almost as stunning as “Circle’s” and “Inside Circle’s”… a in a 2 x 4 kind of stunning….

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