Let me be the first to welcome our new Socialist International Conspirator Overlords

by Henry on October 21, 2008

Some unkind lefties (including one of my co-bloggers) were a little dismissive towards this post by ‘Dr. Helen,’ blogger and Instaspouse of Professor Glenn Reynolds.

Why the crescendo of economic collapse right before the election? Why didn’t the media and congress act just as concerned some time ago or wait until sometime after the election to go into crisis mode? The timing of the current financial crisis seems too planned and calculating to be just a coincidence. Polls show that people’s number one concern right now is the economy and that for the most part, voters believe Democrats are somewhat more likely to help with the economy. Could it be that the liberal media and those in Congress, knowing that, is blaring the bad economic news from the rooftops in order to manipulate voters into voting for a Democrat? If so, it won’t be the first time.

But now Barbara Ehrenreich (via Cosma ) has let the cat out of the bag and it’s even worse than Dr. Helen suspected.

How many socialists do you know who lost millions in the recent stock market crashes? Just as I thought—none—and that’s not only because you don’t know any socialists. The truth is that we, the Socialist International Conspiracy, not only saw this coming, we are the ones who made it happen. The plan took shape during a particularly intense criticism/self-criticism session at our 2000 annual convention in a booth at an Akron IHOP. … we would focus on destroying capitalism, hedge fund by hedge fund. First, we selected a cadre of crusty punks from the streets of Seattle, stripped off their Che t-shirts, suited them up in Armani’s and wingtips, and introduced them to the concepts of derivatives and dental floss. Then we shipped them to Wall Street with firm instructions: Make as much money as you can… send it out to make more money by whatever dodgy means you can find – subprime loans, credit default swaps, pyramid schemes … Spend your own earnings in the most flamboyantly gross ways you can think of—$10,000 martinis, fountains of champagne – so as to fan the flames of class resentment. … we could not have inflicted such massive damage to capitalism if we hadn’t also planted skilled agents in high places within the government and various quasi-governmental agencies. Phil Gramm … will be getting a Hero of Socialism award … If you happened to have… noticed an impeccably dressed elderly man poking around under rocks, that was a certain Federal Reserve Chairman, looking for his weekly orders from the central committee. … After months of studying the candidates’ economic plans, we have determined that one of them, and only one, can be relied on to complete the destruction of capitalism. With high hopes and great confidence, the Socialist International Conspiracy endorses John McCain!

Onwards comrades! Heighten the contradictions!

{ 49 comments }

1

Andrew 10.21.08 at 10:25 pm

Hilarious.

2

Righteous Bubba 10.21.08 at 10:50 pm

Dr. Helen:

My guess is that if Obama gets elected, the true facts of the economy will come out.

The “true facts” construction is a pretty good way to identify a nut.

3

christian h. 10.21.08 at 11:43 pm

Yeah well, now I’ll have to take Comrade Ehrenreich behind the chemical sheds for blowing the whistle on us.

4

Walt 10.21.08 at 11:51 pm

Ehrenreich wrote a screamingly funny column for Mother Jones in the late 80s/early 90s. It’s anthologized in “The Worst Years of Our Lives”; I recommend it. My particular favorite is the one about when Barbara Bush, “with her finishing school tact”, says that Geraldine Ferraro is something that “rhymes with witch”. Ehrenreich has a whole column where she tries to figure what word it is.

5

rea 10.22.08 at 12:05 am

My guess is that if John McCain is somehow elected president, the false facts of the economy will come out.

6

Colin Danby 10.22.08 at 12:30 am

Special recognition is due the comrades who invented the “TED spread.”

7

Michael Drake 10.22.08 at 12:35 am

You can extract the mathematical formulae used to design the suspect forwards, options and swaps if you play recordings of Lenin’s speeches backward.

8

jacob 10.22.08 at 12:49 am

Aren’t all those punks in Seattle anarchists, not socialists?

9

Martin 10.22.08 at 1:16 am

Actually, I had thought that Wall Street crash was the result of a CIA plot with broad geopolitical objectives. The crash apparently had devastating echo effects on the Russian financial system and then dramatically brought down the price of oil, thereby sticking it to Russia, Iran, and, as icing on the cake, Venzuala. Note that the Wall Street problems started to really take off after the invasion of Georgia.

I also think that Greenpeace may have collaborated with the CIA in the scheme. The crash is the only seriously effective action taken recently to reduce CO2 production, and it occurred shortly after the UN reported that carbon consumption and resulting expected global warming was proceeding at a more rapid pace than anticipated.

10

dr. doctrine 10.22.08 at 1:39 am

The Akron IHOP owns the Berlin Wall and Mao’s zebra skin speedos. Just saying…

11

P O'Neill 10.22.08 at 1:59 am

The more plausible conspiracy is that Bush had wanted all this to blow up on January 21, 2009. But like everything else, the plan was incompetently executed. “Catastrophic success”, if you will.

12

bad Jim 10.22.08 at 7:43 am

As usual, we miss the Sicilian double-twist: McCain denouncing Obama’s socialism, after feverishly endorsing then fervently denouncing the bank bailout. And McCain chose public financing and disdains individual contributions, utterly repudiating libertarian notions of political finance, unlike the anarchist B. Hussein O. Wheels within weasels, gymbals within gerbils.

13

novakant 10.22.08 at 7:58 am

Not that I haven’t been suspecting this for quite a while, but now it’s official:

They’re nuts!

That said, I’ve read comments by some on the left who welcome the current crisis, because they think it proves them right and will lead to some sort of socialist sea change or whatever.

In related bad news:

Meanwhile, the National Institute of Economic and Social Research says the UK is on the brink of its first full year of recession since 1991.

The NIESR predicted that Britain’s economy would shrink by 0.9% in 2009, with consumer spending falling by 3.4%, business investment down by 3.8% and private housing investment 17.1% lower.

It also warned that if the government’s £50bn banking bail-out did not succeed, the recession could be even deeper and longer.

14

Ginger Yellow 10.22.08 at 11:42 am

“You can extract the mathematical formulae used to design the suspect forwards, options and swaps if you play recordings of Lenin’s speeches backward.”

You don’t even need to do that. The option pricing formula is called Black-Scholes. Need I say more?

15

Theo51 10.22.08 at 1:46 pm

Ah yes Comrade, and in just under two weeks, the final task of the Socialist International Conspiracy (SIC): Barak Obama will be elected Supreme Ruler–er, I mean President. And on January 22, 2009, he will declare the United States as Islamic-Socialist Republic, replacing the U.S. Constitution with the Koran. And, the Koran prohibits profiting from money lending. Thus the entire world-wide Capitalist financial system will collapse. Ah…we are so close, I can smell the Red Roses.

16

fuyura 10.22.08 at 2:15 pm

This fits quite well with my longstanding theory that the Bush-Cheney-Rove-Rumsfeld axis of the SDS (or possibly of the Sixth International itself) determined that the only path to speeding The Revolution was to infiltrate the very bastions of capitalism, remake the GOP into the Replutocrat Party and make life in the capitalist state as unendurable as possible. I think they’ve done quite well, actually, thus repudiating all the libels as to their essential intellectual and political weakness.

17

Michael Turner 10.22.08 at 2:19 pm

Does this mean we have to ditch the theory that Greenspan — who is on record, after all, as having been Objectivist goldbug in a previous life — might have secretly used fiat money against itself, in what a commenter on a previous thread so aptly described as “a John Galt ratfuck”? Or would it simply be yet another case of politics making for strange bedbugs? I fervently hope it’s the latter. It would be so delicious to watch the Black Muslim Socialists versus the Albino Atheist Objectivists duke it out on reality TV, or on Geraldo, or wherever this match will be held. Truly a fin de siecle event for the ages.

18

Bubba 10.22.08 at 2:41 pm

George W Bush is actually the Manchurian candidate. While he was in Peking in 1974-75 visiting his Dad, he did more than ride bicycles and chase girls! You now have the proof , as George W lays waste to the US economy just before he leaves office, while making sure every cebt is repaid to foreign creditors like his mentors, China.

19

Stella Cadente 10.22.08 at 2:50 pm

I went back to the Akron IHOP, and my city was gone!

In the immortal words of Robert Heinlein, who was *sampling* Churchill: “Never attribute to conspiracy what can adequately be explained by stupidity.”

20

bdbd 10.22.08 at 2:52 pm

“My guess is that if Obama gets elected, the true facts of the economy will come out.”

Yet another good reason to vote for Obama. Mustn’t keep any “true facts” hidden away!

21

Peter K. 10.22.08 at 3:02 pm

Aren’t all those punks in Seattle anarchists, not socialists?

Yes, we’re also currently aligned with the liberal media and certain anti-American members of Congress, as Dr. Helen has figured out. We’ll deal with the anarchists and liberals after the revolution.

22

Ayse from Idaho 10.22.08 at 3:39 pm

Now, this sounds as conspicuous as the theories of 9/11 being staged by US government! I thought converting the lefties to the money-thirst entrepreneurs was a good thing and capitalistic. By your explanation, the scenario looks more like building KGB or CIA agents army. If a conversion attempt to rehabilitate these socialists would not work, what do we do with these guys? Well, the last time I checked, the Guantanamo was still in operation….

23

Matt L 10.22.08 at 4:42 pm

Here! Here Peter K!
Anarchism is an infantile disorder!!

24

Chris Williams 10.22.08 at 4:46 pm

It looks as if the 1990s anarchist group Decadent Action, (which some have claimed was the brainstepchild of author Ian Aitch), has now completed its 15-year mission.

From the principles of Decadent Action (just below the one about never eating chocolate with a cocoa solid content of less than 60%):

“. Credit is the decadent’s friend. It is inflationary, it is free money, it is fun to spend. Credit cards are best, yours or someone else’s. Available now from high street banks, all you have to do is convince them that you can pay it back, piece of piss. When the monetary system collapses your bill will simply disappear. Keep several with you at all times. “

http://www.monoculartimes.co.uk/counterculture/decadentaction.shtml

25

jeff 10.22.08 at 5:55 pm

The vast left wing plot. Tin foil adjustment alert.

26

Lee A. Arnold 10.22.08 at 6:19 pm

I’ll be very happy when the uberlords start giving out those $10,000 martinis for free. All Hail Sloshalism!

27

Lee A. Arnold 10.22.08 at 6:24 pm

If there’s freedom of choice, I’ll have the gin.

(Here in California, ordering a martini may get you vodka. No, really! They also put mayonnaise on hamburgers.)

28

John Emerson 10.22.08 at 6:55 pm

Better an infantile disorder than a senile disorder.

29

MQ 10.22.08 at 6:55 pm

No, there was an ACTUAL left wing plot that started with the passage of the Community Reinvestment Act in the 1970s, and continued through Barney Frank’s conspiracy with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to extend mortgage loans to minorities, thus causing the real estate bubble and destroying the financial system. This was backed up by being-the-scenes threats from ACORN.

Talk to any right-wing “intellectual” or pundit and they will tell you that this left-wing plot is actually real and true. Ehrenreich’s fanciful mockery is simply designed to cover up this reality.

30

MQ 10.22.08 at 6:56 pm

whoops, “behind-the-scenes” threats from ACORN, not “being-the-scenes”

31

Walt 10.22.08 at 7:14 pm

The worst part of living on the West Coast is having to remember to say “no mayonnaise” when ordering a burger.

32

MarkUp 10.22.08 at 7:22 pm

”The worst part of living on the West Coast is having to remember to say “no mayonnaise” when ordering a burger.”

I thought that was union rules to maintain happy cows?

33

Righteous Bubba 10.22.08 at 7:36 pm

The worst part of living on the West Coast is having to remember to say “no mayonnaise” when ordering a burger.

It’s supposed to remind you that you’re a coastal elitist. The Pledge of Elitance, if you will.

The mayonnaise is meant for Gammas and Deltas, wink wink.

34

MR Bill 10.22.08 at 7:47 pm

So many conspiracies, so little time.

I have been doing interior finishing work for a guy who has inherited a small living; former Navy engineer, now a drunken new Age hermit. He is with on a group of phone conferencing folk who weekly talk about their esoteric take on life.
They believe the current economic situation is that the forces of the Dark Agenda (Rothschilds, Trilaterists, the Pope, Dick Cheney and the bad, I guess, anal probing Aliens) are fighting among themselves, as the Lightworkers, with the help of the Good Aliens, will prepare to cleanse them from the world after first ruining the Control Economy…And then the Aliens will restore the Gold Standard.
I just want a decent National Health plan, but what the hey.

35

keith 10.22.08 at 10:25 pm

Mayo on burgers must be a California thing. Here in Socialist Oregon we have mandatory guacamole quotas. Mayo on every damn thing was one reason I fled Georgia and I certainly won’t tolerate it in MY coastal elite enclave!

36

Keith 10.22.08 at 10:26 pm

…And then the Aliens will restore the Gold Standard.
I just want a decent National Health plan, but what the hey.

You’ll get it, but it comes with mandatory anal probes.

37

David 10.23.08 at 12:26 am

My goodness. Your fellow bloggers can’t possibly have been unkind enough. I’m so sheltered I hadn’t realized there might be a Mrs/Ms Instapundit. And every bit as unpleasant and dishonest as the Mr. I think professional credentialing and faculty hiring are seriously slipshod at some schools. No doubt she does for the profession of psychology what he does for law and it isn’t pretty.

38

elbrucce 10.23.08 at 4:02 am

(Here in California, ordering a martini may get you vodka. No, really! They also put mayonnaise on hamburgers.)

There are few things not improved by the judicious application of mayonnaise.

39

chris 10.23.08 at 5:14 am

That’s Mrs. Doctor Professor Instapundit to you, David.
One can only hope they don’t reproduce.

40

Lex 10.23.08 at 7:44 am

@34: of course, after a certain age, there’s good reason for every man to get anally probed.

Good medical reason, that is. I understand that in certain parts of the elitist Left Coast, there are always good reasons…

41

Lex 10.23.08 at 9:12 am

strike 34, read 36, bloody moderated comments…

42

Dan S. 10.23.08 at 2:19 pm

Better an infantile disorder than a senile disorder.

The GOP’s only hope is electile dysfunction.

43

Barry 10.23.08 at 5:47 pm

elbrucce 10.23.08 at 4:02 am

“There are few things not improved by the judicious application of mayonnaise.”

True, but in most cases, ‘the judicious application of mayonnaise’ = ‘no mayonnaise’.

44

J Thomas 10.23.08 at 11:44 pm

My clock didn’t work even after I dunked it in mayonnaise.

And it was the best mayonnaise, too.

45

Leila Abu-Saba 10.24.08 at 12:34 pm

As long as we’re postulating creative conspiracy theories, I want to posit the far-out Gaia/New-Age possibility: the economy collapsed because the vast creative intelligence of the planet decided it was time for us humans to quit consuming and emitting so much toxic crap. It’s not a socialist/Greenpeace conspiracy, it’s Mother Earth doing an interesting feedback loop to get us to dial back our carbon emissions.

Look, you guys are fooling around about anarchist and socialist conspiracies. Why can’t I put in for the Great Mother Goddess theory of financial/environmental collapse?

46

mitzi morris 10.24.08 at 6:55 pm

This is funny! With the old Socialist Communist saw being tossed around only the most backward and ignorant could give this the slightest credibility.

Actually the irony of Government backed banks securing the fat cat capitalists with our taxpayer money is too absurd. Finallly Greenspan with his Ayn Rand Greed is Good philosphy has shown itself to be as hollow as free market self regulation. Self regulatiuon of greed never works. In fact you need more than the Fed to do it as the Treasury guy making $15,000.00 a year isn’t slick enough to regulate and/or absorb the scams run by Wall Streeters whose sophistication with scams is well known. It would take a very smart group of Fed and Private regulators to watch these theives who should be as responsible as banks are when playing with other peoples money.

McCain and GOP mantras about socialism is backfiring except among the group that would never vote Obama anyway. In the next frantic days we can expect more conspiracy and old McCarthyist slogans about the socialists and commies under our very beds.

Can we even imagine what would have happened had Bush’s advice to invest Social
Security funds in the stock market been followed?? Having lived through the Great Depression and having seen all of the warnings ignored, we now face a GOP nightmare again. Hopefully the election will offer us some hope for corrections.

the voters

47

mitzi morris 10.24.08 at 7:16 pm

Correction: I was alluding to Treasury Dept regulators earning roughly $150,000.00 more or less…Not $15,000.00.

48

theperilouspea 10.26.08 at 3:08 pm

Please ! Why does everybody blame the Mayonnaise ? The clock may have needed dressing ?
Sheesh !

49

Anarcho 10.26.08 at 9:45 pm

Aren’t all those punks in Seattle anarchists, not socialists?

Anarchists are socialists, just not state socialists (i.e., Marxists, Leninists, Social Democrats, etc.). If you read, say, Proudhon, Bakunin, Kropotkin, Chomsky, Bookchin you will discover that they considered anarchism to be a form of libertarian socialism (or libertarian communism). Libertarian to be understood in its traditional, non-current-American, definition. And socialist to mean opposed to capitalist exploitation and private property and supporter of socialisation (rather than nationalisation) and workers’ control (rather than controlled workers!).

Iain
An Anarchist FAQ

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