Pleasant Surprise

by Kieran Healy on August 23, 2004

This morning I cut myself while shaving. It was just a “superficial wound”:, but as I was coming out of the bathroom the doorbell rang and there was this army officer in full dress uniform at the door. He presented me with a Purple Heart. I expressed some surprise but he just said “Standard medal-issuing “procedure”:, Sir,” adding that his job had been made much easier by “the new Homeland Security Surveillance Cameras.” I asked him did he want to come in for a cup of coffee, but he said he had to run down to Number 27 to award a Silver Star to a woman who’d just caught the pancake-batter bowl before it went all over the kitchen floor.



Peaches and Usagi 08.23.04 at 4:30 pm

Q: Where are George Bush’s medals?

A: George found them in his Easter Basket, so he ate them.


Blue the Wild Dog 08.23.04 at 6:18 pm

Oh, yeah, right, you were “surprised”. It’s obvious that your “injury” is part of a plan to become President 35 years from now.


Arthur D. Hlavaty 08.23.04 at 8:06 pm

Dole needs something to get his brain up.


Kriston 08.23.04 at 10:47 pm

As a member of Straight Razor Users for Truth, I’d like to testify to the facts regarding incidents from long ago today. I was there when you were shaving, and not only was your razor electric, it was disposable.

. . . I hereby revoke my testimony.


Phill 08.24.04 at 4:01 am

As a matter of fact Bush does have two medals, or at least he has been photagraphed wearing two.

The first is the small arms proficiency ribbon which means he scored over 90% in his marksmanship test.

The second is a unit award, only the odd thing is that nobody can find Bush’s name in any citation.

Most interesting are the two medals Bush failled to get, these were the ones you get for just showing up at three and five years. Bush was never awarded them.

Another somewhat telling fact is that after three years Bush was still a Lt. Kerry would easily have made Captain if he had stayed in.

I think that what Kerry needs to do is to go out and address his opposition to the Vietnam war. He has a good story, the soldiers were betrayed by the politicians, in particular a President who lied to them and lied to the American people. Sure the US could have ‘won’ Vietnam, but what would that mean? Nobody doubted the ability of the US to win a formal battle.


dc 08.24.04 at 2:38 pm

Hillarious. Miss that great barracks humor. Who didn’t holler “gimme a PH” from the latrine for some damn thing. The DI’s had great fun with PH’s and us. Scared the crap outta me mostly. I never wanted no PH.

But I gotta tell you, especially aftert seeing people get zapped and hurt real bad or even taking the dirt nap, the only time it ain’t funny to make fun of the PH is when some pussy who never put on a uniform makes a joke “about getting one for shaving.”


Jmote 08.24.04 at 3:03 pm

Didn’t Bush get a medal for failing his medical exam? Or at least one for being suspended from flight duty, yes?

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